Recalling the details of the unfortunate event also made me recall the feelings attached to it.
Thus, I messaged my boyfriend. (No, i did not try to start a fight by bringing back these issues. LOL)
Below is that somewhat translation/summary of our conversation. it was so funny too, but I was successful:
Boyfriend: What is it?
Me: Do you sometimes feel that you have to please other people? and that you have to show them the good deed you are doing?
Me: Why? Why do you have to show them? Why do you feel they should know what you're doing?
Boyfriend: Because I'm just living at somebody else' place and they are helping me.
Me: Can't you just do it because you want to help? And not having to intentionally show them what you are doing?
Boyfriends: Because I want to show them that I'm grateful and that I'm just not being too dependent on all of them.
Me: But they are your grandparents.
Boyfriend: You don't get it. It's not at home. It's at work.
Me: But I'm talking about your home. Showing off at work is a natural thing.
Boyfriend: Well I'm speaking in general. I'm not saying I have to do it but I want to show them that I'm voluntarily giving effort.
Boyfriend: WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS?
Me: I was just asking if you sometimes feel that you have to please people.
Me: You're the one who started talking about your home and work.
Me: I was going to tell you that it's not something related to your relative. I was going to tell you that if you sometimes feel that you have to show other people that you are doing something good. and by other people I mean strangers.
Boyfriend: I have my own mind and my own ways of dealing with situations. I don't want anyone teaching me.
Boyfriend: Babe, please don't apply your psychology on me. Don't examine me.
Me: I'm not teaching you anything.
Me: Now it IS OBVIOUS that you don't listen to me.
Me: I just asked you a simple question.
Me: you certainly have issues...
Boyfriend: I want you to know that I don't want anyone questioning my feelings.
Me: See... issues...
Me: I'm not doing anything! It was just a simple question!
Boyfriend: Simple question, but so many follow up questions.
Me: I don't have follow up questions. The other questions already referred to your answers because you changed the topic to your home and work.
Boyfriend: Because you always refer to my family
Me: How would you know? ... see you are jumping to conclusions.
Me: That's why you have a hard time understanding me.
Boyfriend: There, I answered it.Boyfriend: I don't like what you are doing. You are treating me like a child.
Me: Oh really.... but how come when you wanted to tip the lady at the cafe shop in vegas, you said you had to wait for her to see it before you placed the tip.
Boyfriend: Until now you are thinking about it??? Wow you are over thinking!
(I did not mention to him that I was currently blogging about it that's why I was thinking about the issue all of a sudden. haha)
Me: I'm not treating you as a child. I'm just doing this so we could understand each other better and avoid fighting.
Me: Am I just over thinking? or because you are just losing in this conversation and you feel that you are being cornered? And you don't want to lose on me because you are a guy? (as he admitted in our conversation earlier)
Me: Babe please don't pretend and stop lying. I know you too much already. Why are you so afraid of showing it. please?
Boyfriend: Hiding what? Afraid of what?
Me: The real you. You always have to act like you are doing something good.
Boyfriend: I don't remember.
Me: See, unconsciously you don't know your own behavior anymore. You don't remember what you are doing. I'll help you remember... (then I started giving him examples and narrating the scenarios as i recalled from my previous post)
In the end, he gave me answers to help me understand his behavior better.
I'm still not sure if it was still the truth behind what he feels but he gave pretty good explanations.
Tip Jar Scenario: He said that the girl had to see it because she might think that we did not tip her. (I argued that why does it matter what she thinks? We still did tip her didn't we?)
Street Gymnast Scenario: He said that there were a lot of people and he did not want to line up anymore. (I didn't know what to argue with that, for the first time he made some sense)
Boyfriend: Will you stop this? Stop analyzing me
Me: Why do you want me to stop? I'm just trying to understand you. If I stop, I'll just think that you are avoiding it and you feel that I'm cornering you.
Boyfriend: I'm not your patient.
Me: I know. But you are my boyfriend and I want to understand you. Because right now, I still don't and I think you are just pretending.
Me: And now you want to tell me that you are not pretending. Well sorry you are avoiding the conversation, what do you think I will think?
Boyfriend: Final Answer. Because I want to make people happy.
Me: It'll be more sincere if you didn't have to intentionally let them see you do it.
Boyfriend: I sometimes want to see their reaction because if I see that they appreciate what I did, it makes me feel lighter and better.
Boyfriend: I want to lay down now.
Boyfriend: And relax.
My poor baby got drained out because of our conversation. LOL. Does that just prove that guys don't want to think too much (unlike girls do), because it takes twice or thrice the effort for them to use their brain?
In any case, I guess we all cleared that out. He finally made sense.
What do you think? Is he finally telling the truth?
I think it was a successful therapy session. LOL kiddin'
I think I was able to talk to him & handle him pretty well :)