|a figment of your imagination|
I must say, they were pretty awesome!!! Well, there was a moment where I dozed off because it became kinda repetitive already since it was a 2-hour show. But no complaints, it was still pretty awesome!!!
And today was a bright new day and we were fully charged.... we were able to stroll along the strip of Vegas. DESPITE the heat.... at least our pictures were more jolly.. and my eyes showed it.
|Tony Stark spotted!|
|lots of limos|
|and nice cars|
It was like a perfect day... and my boyfriend even won $100 in the electronic poker... OR maybe, he just won about $70 minus the capital and the money he still OWES me. He said he felt it was "good luck" if he used my money. But he just keep on losing money the longer we spend time sitting there. He still was able to get $70 more though when I told him to stop aiming for winning more money because the trend was already not good.
Oh well that's gambling.
At around 2:30, we started heading off the parking already... I think we forgot to eat our lunch because I don't remember anything. All the rest I could think about now, is my boyfriend's expenses. (despite winning $70). He always seem to try to please me and not being honest enough. Sometimes he tells me he's too broke, and when I'd like to offer something he tells me I need it more because he can earn it anyway.
That's his problem. He will always want to try please the people around him and overestimating what he could offer. He's like the Yes! man.
Only Jim Carrey always said "no" to everything. But my boyfriend seemed to say YES in everything.
Oh, just probably except with me... because he would always try to make me feel guilty to try and "understand" his circumstances.
He'd tell me his expenses for the trip from San Francisco to Las Vegas. He'd tell me the opportunity loss he lost for leaving work. He wants me to understand. But what he doesn't know is that I feel bad about it and try to find ways where I can help. Aside from always compromising myself... which I have been doing even when we were in Manila. It was as if we were ALWAYS in recession.
I had a credit card.
My dad gave me one before I left the Philippines, along with the "rules and responsibility speech" on the use of credit cards.
On our way to the parking lot, I saw a cafe shop. I wanted to buy something cold. My boyfriend bought cookies and green tea, I bought a smoothie. I paid for it half my dad's credit card and half my cash. (I was afraid that the bill will show that I bought two drinks which would totally mean I'm using the card to treat somebody else)
My boyfriend goes, "give me a dollar".
I'm like WHY? ....
"I'm going to put it in the Tip Jar"
I'm like, oh okay.... so why don't you put it already?
"let's wait for her to see it"
ding ding ding... omg bf... what's the point?.... do you have to do everything with EVERYONE knowing what you just "did"? ... here you go, trying to please everybody. Can't you just do things, because it makes you "feel better" and not anybody else?
I felt so much like a fake. A hypocrite. I'd rather not give a tip than give a tip and intentionally let her know that I was doing a "good" deed. I'm not American, but is this the culture here? ... If you tip someone, they have to know that you tipped? I understand it when you put it on the "receipts" or together with the bill, they will know how much you tipped. But tip jars????
Can somebody please explain.
So anyway, I did not say anything... I just let it passed.
Until later on, we were going to get gasoline. My boyfriend gave me the money and specifically gave me instructions on how much and how to pay for gas. (It's different here because everything is self-service, and in Manila, you'll get used to getting gasoline without having to step outside your car)
WHEN SUDDENLY. A man approached our window. He was trying to explain that he's from I think military or veteran and saying that he needs money to get gasoline and to get home. He also mentioned that he has kids in the car.
I should have taken the money and fled of to the cashier already! My boyfriend was holding $24 and he gave $4 to the stranger!!!!!!!! and his face was like possessed! Something like, "uh-oh, I don't have any choice" when.. he COULD HAVE JUST SAID NO. WE NEED TO GET BACK HOME TOO AND WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.
I try SO MUCH. I try SO MUCH!! to lessen his expenses by cooperating and using my dad's money. But he just gives his money away! How do you think that made me feel???
I know it's nice to help other people, but you have to think about your self too right??? If WE DID have the blessing and WE DID have extra money, its not a big deal to help other people. But we didn't. and remember he was just explaining to me how broke he was and how much he has been spending already???
CURSE YOU YES MAN!! I told you, stop pretending!!!!!! You may have pleased that man, but you certainly did NOT please me. Am I being a bitch?? or my boyfriend was just again possessed and clouded.
Will you stop trying to please everyone! Not even politicians can do that and they can do so much!
So anyway, my bad was that I couldn't control my temper anymore because I couldn't make him understand and read my thoughts. I wasn't just pissed because of that incident, but that incident just triggered it. Remember the Tip Jar? ...
So I went to the cashier and paid $20 for gasoline. I became too clouded too that I forgot I could have just used my credit card to save us from being cashless. I was too pissed already because of my boyfriend's stupid "godly" behavior. If he was that too much of a person trying to please everyone even at his own expense, then why doesn't he do it to me??? ... NO. he just has to please strangers and do the complaining later on me. There I go again, my role to "understand" him. That's right because strangers won't have the time to "understand" my boyfriend's problems, so we need to please them.
It's not wrong to say NO, you know. Last time I checked, it's not rude either! Well, yeah, if you say NO in an aggressive way... But if you say NO nicely, it's not going to harm you.
Beggars cannot be choosers, that's what I learned growing up.
and, I also learned that... YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYBODY.
Ever since that, the whole road trip back to Las Vegas was already a nightmare.
We broke up.
oh yeah we were in a 4-hour drive... after a few miles I think.. we got together again.
I begged for it.
Since if you put it this way, it was REALLY my fault because I could have gotten "over" what he did. But I was just thinking more than that, I was thinking about his behavior. He can be such a fake sometimes. Why do you have to pretend Mr. Boyfriend? Why do you have to always care what people will think? .... I sure know that these strangers don't care about your suffering.
Now, I remember back in San Francisco, don't think that I did not notice what you did. We were watching the street show... and he asked me for five bucks to "donate" to the street gymnasts. I did not have any change. So he took his wallet out, took 5 dollars, walked towards the gymnasts, then walked away. Hey, did you just pretended back there??? ... IT DOESN'T HURT IF WE JUST HAVE WALKED AWAY.
If you are pretending to be a good samaritan because of me, GOSH you DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT PLEASE, that just turns me off because I know all about your financial situation! YES I KNOW!! BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN explaining it to me a hundred times again and again. Oh... no.. my bad... I don't think he was being a good samaritan to show it to me... because he DID ask money from ME first. That was the first time I saw him trying to "please" strangers.
I told you I UNDERSTAND. But what I don't understand is why are you trying to give money away? It's good to share your blessings I know, but it doesn't hurt to think about yourself first. You cannot give what you cannot have right... and God knows if you are just doing it to show off... UGH.
I'M STILL NOT GETTING OVER YOUR "GOOD SAMARITAN" acting.
Why force yourself??? Learn to say NO!
or the least you could do is "act" it up so well that I won't sense that you're doing it just to please people.
Boy, in Manila you weren't like this... That's why I can sense the difference. In Manila I saw that you helped people because you really wanted to. I did not feel that you helped people because you HAVE NO CHOICE. Until, recently.