1. i miss you so much

i met this guy less than 2 years ago... and it didn't feel like love at first sight.

I surely did not see it coming that Mr. Cupid planned it all.


The guy casually got my number. We were not alone. We were hanging out with friends and it really did not feel conspicuous at all. 

But the next day, I had this yearning feeling. That he would use my number and send me a message. Oh so I waited all morning alright... I secretly did. But I did not get any response.


I went out to see my friend like a typical Sunday and I can't believe he teased me about this guy. He asked me, "Is he courting you?" ... I'm like NO. Heck hello? I just met him last night. I wouldn't really know. I haven't even heard from him yet.

But sooner that day, I did. He was so silly. =) But I couldn't believe I was happy. And I really did not see it coming alright.


We hung out. Talked a little. He bought beers. and Then talked a lot.

I remember looking at his wet lips touching the tip of the bottle while he was telling this story I hardly remember. He was so silly looking and I did not know it was the beginning of everything.

Later that night I had to go home already because it was working day the following morning. His cousin was into teasing that I shouldn't leave early because his cousin went here specifically to see me. Oh I didn't buy that crap before. But then hotcakes here, started walking me out to my car... opening the door for me... and saying something i think which was good bye and take care. That was weird... I have never had any guy walked me to my car before, like that. Okay fine, not weird but sweet :)

And I really did not see it coming.

The next day, he picked me up at work. Just in time, it was raining hard that Monday. He gave me chocolates, which was so sweet. And we got lost a little. But I did not mind it at all because I was with this sweet stranger. Later on I said that I was hungry. I did not know if it was part of his plan to treat me to dinner, but what the heck right? I was really hungry and I was comfortable enough to tell him that. =P

It was just so weird. I felt that I've know this person for a long time. I've heard about him from his cousin... but I've never actually met him before, nor knew what his face looked like.

I've always imagined he used to be this large buffed guy with long hair with a beard and a mustache.


But no. He was this cute guy always wearing a cap, clean cut and definitely not large guy.

When I first glanced at him I really did not see it coming.

We had dinner at a chinese restaurant and one thing I remember was he made me eat century eggs. It didn't taste bad, he was right. But I still prefer not to eat them.

That night was the most memorable night of my life. I felt that I think I'm going to be giving love a chance again.

A week before, I was still stalking my ex-boyfriend. But that moment, I totally forgot everything that I was before.


Tuesday, he picked me up again and we watched a movie. I missed him so much that morning. I texted him "I miss youuuuuuuuuuuu" and called him "babe"

I bet he was surprised. lol. and replied with an "awwwwww". Then he started calling me babe too.

To be honest, I was using the term babe, just casually. But it became our pet name and I love it.

Tuesday was also our first kiss. I gave him a smack at the parking lot after the movie.
Yes. I kissed him first.

And so then Thursday we were officially "together".

Everything happened so fast, but it seemed that I've known him longer.


And at the present times... we're on to celebrating our second year already. But sad to say, we'll be celebrating it apart.


Early this year he left for San Francisco to work.








And it's been really hard for me being miles and timezone apart. I don't know what to think anymore on how to handle it and how to keep myself busy. But I know it's him I want and he always say I just have to wait for a few months or a year and he will come back to get me. It's not being superficial, we still communicate on daily basis. Even his mom says, I just need to be patient because he really will do come back to get me.

But... is this the consequence I get since everything turned out so fast? Since we found each other that easy is this the sacrifice we will be going into to test our faith in each other? I don't know anymore, I don't want to make sense out of it I just want it to be over now. I want to fast forward. I care for the now. Because right now I am sad. Right now I need to do certain sacrifices.... which sucks.

I can honestly say right now that I'd rather feel heart broken and cry a lot. Than feeling committed but not really reaping the benefits attached to being committed. It's either, In a relationship or Single, you know?

I don't want it to be complicated :(

I want it to be just simple. Me & Him.

But apparently it's not... and even when we get back together already, It's still going to be different. It's not going to be the same anymore hanging out with friends in the Philippines, drinking every night and playing Call of Duty till early morn. It's going to be different. We'll be in San Francisco and going back to Manila will NEVER ever ever, be the same anymore.



I still have his messages from his first texts in my old phone.

I love you hotcakes.