62. anger management problem

I have a big problem with managing my anger recently. I get so pissed easily that I shout and throw adult tantrums. It all triggers every time I get disappointments. I get damaged so hard that I throw a fist at my boyfriend.

So today was my cousin's christening. Everything was great! It was so emotional and the reception was fun. We ate at an Italian restaurant and the owner sang to his costumers and made them lively. Romance was truly in the air as if we were in Europe.

So when we were going back home from the restaurant. My boyfriend had said that he was going to my uncle's house already to drop the package I was telling him to do. I told him to wait for my cousins to give it personally to her. But my boyfriend is just so STUBBORN!!!! We were already a corner near from the house when he texted that he just left the package on the doorstep and left.

It just ruined everything about the surprise.


I called him and he started spoiling and asking where am I really anyway?


I told him to come back.


He had this excuse that he needed to give the house key to his grandmother.


But he did come back but all the while I was waiting, I was just so pissed at him.

Because he's always like that! He so stubborn!
He told me he was going to wait for my cousins and he didn't!

So when he came back. I was so angry... then I slapped him. I walked out.


But of course he called me back, then I went inside the car, we had a talk. And he said he just needs to go back to San Francisco. I told him to bring me with him. He insisted not to. I threw a fist! He's just so stupid! He wanted to drive from San Jose to San Francisco then drive back San Jose again. He's so stubborn AND stupid! I just lost my patience.


So fine, I stayed with my relatives and waited for my boyfriend to come back.


When he did, I forced him to go inside and meet everyone which I know that he doesn't want to do because he has a problem with meeting strangers nor mingling with them.


Later on I said, I'll just go get my stuff at the hotel then I'll sleep at my uncle's house tonight. So we did.
While I was packing my stuff, he did not want to go inside the room anymore. I was so paranoid that I might leave anything behind so I had to double check every thing. I first let my luggage outside the door for him to get. Then I went back inside. When I went outside already. HE WAS EFFIN GONE!. He went to the car already! I was so pissed again of course! and he didn't even bother getting my luggage! His excuse was people might think he was a thief! I got so mad at him in the car again! I told him he wasn't a gentleman! He just had to wait!!! He was stubborn, stupid AND IMPATIENT!

So the rest of the night we were just arguing. I told him I shouldn't have went here.


I know it always grew worst because of my reactions. I knew I had anger management problems. But
ARGH!!! HE'S JUST SO!!! ARGH!!!! Fail!


We ended the night, getting peace. So I went inside to go to sleep already... When later on... he started calling and panicking that he doesn't have gas anymore and he wouldn't be able to go back to San Francisco enough with it! The warning light was already on! The problem is that he only has cash. None of the gasoline stations had open cashiers anymore. So he called me because I had my credit cards, but when we reached the gasoline station, turns out that if I used international cards, I have to call the "attendant" BUT there are NO attendants ANYMORE!

He was just so pissed and blaming that he should have left earlier and whatever. I said that he's so stupid for driving without gas on his car. So he just wandered off wasting even MORE gas trying to look for stations that are open. I said to stop and think for a plan first! I told him because he made stupid decisions when under pressure. I told him that I would ask my cousin to borrow her card. He didn't want to because he was embarrassed. I told him fuck his pride. But he eventually gave in because I saw that we were headed back to my uncle's house.

My uncle ended up letting me borrow his card and then we paid cash in exchange. My boyfriend was calm now and I had the chance to tell him that it was his fault because he insisted on driving back and forth SF and SJ. And that he is stupid for not putting gas. He thinks he could escape filling gasoline in his car but it's just something you cannot run away from! I told him that this is not manila where you can just drive around the roads with a gasoline warning lighting up.


The day ended my boyfriend being nice and shameful to me. And I continued to roll my eyes. I told him that if he couldn't make it up to me, the least he could do is make it up for my relatives. It's not only him who's embarrassed but ME! I'm just sleeping in their house for a favor, the least I want to do is bother them.

My fault. Is my anger management. But I don't think you could blame me for being ANGRY. But I know, I know.... blame me that I cannot control my anger. I start doing and saying something stupid that I would regret later. I realized that if I'm ever going to say something. I should just write it on paper or on my cellphone and keep it to myself. That way my boyfriend would end up getting all the faults on himself. He's being stupid and stubborn without me doing anything worst.

Because when it does get any worst, it always end up that everything was my mistake.