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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

55. on days that I hate him

My boyfriend & I are having a little drama today. Or maybe it's just me..

I told him to come visit me in September, just in time when my whole family is here too... I even told him I'm buying the tickets for him. I planned it all out and all I wanted for him is to ask permission to leave work for a few days. I told him he shouldn't let it to take so long to talk to his uncle which is his boss. But remember we "pretended" to break up a month ago?

I just told my boyfriend I don't care if how he does it, as long as he goes here on the marked dates. I hate him for saying all these excuses. Is it too much pressure? I'm just doing this because this is also how he made things happen when he wanted me to do things that I know would be difficult to handle when it comes to my situation (like my dad or something). Like when we went to Northern Luzon last summer for 1 week, I didn't let my dad know about my plans until I was there. And when we went to Vegas recently, I had a difficult feeling on how I would explain it to my grandparents that I will be going to Vegas as soon as I arrive L.A.

I just felt that it my time to create the pressure. I hate him for not noticing his actions that this is just actually a test of his own medicine. He so used to wanting to make things go his way, then this time its my way I want him to navigate. It's like the ends justifies the means. He doesn't care how I'd do it as long as our plans before would push through, regardless of which people I needed to ask permission from. I'm such a pussy sometimes in taking risks and the pressure he gave made me do things I haven't experienced before. So now, I want him to do that. I wish he would do that. Why can't he just realize this?

I told him, that I hated him and that I don't want to talk to him. And I told him that I don't want to go to San Francisco on Friday anymore. He just pisses me off! It's always HIS situation. HIS situation to take into consideration. HIS world. I've been understanding his situation for months now, don't he dare accuse me that I don't understand his situation. I just want him to make one thing happen. It's that he take a leave from work and go here in September. Why is it too much for me to ask??? and he's so close minded that he doesn't even want to give it a chance!


I SO HATE HIM!

I know he has his own sacrifices. But I don't just "want" sacrifices, I'd love to see some effort too!!!
I'm doing some sacrifiices too it's not just him! YOU JUST PISS ME OFF!

3 comments:

  1. Aw, I'm sorry you had a rough day. You're right - relationships are give and take. It's a matter of considering the other person in addition to yourself.

    I hope you guys work things out.

    Love the song on your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks :) ... I know right? I can just listen to it again and again :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh man. Relationships are rough sometimes. 'Specially when you add some distance to the equation. Hopefully everything works out!

    ReplyDelete

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