84. playing hard to get

I haven't really been honest about blogging what's been going on between my boyfriend and I. The last update I had was about our supposed "break-up". As I said, he was okay with my decision. And the idea for us to break up while in this situation has crossed his mind a couple of times already. I had told my girlfriend about it, and she said that I should stick to my word. If space is what I know we need, then I should keep myself away from talking to him, at least for a few days. Well, that space is hard. Not because I am die hard in love with him that I cannot live a day without talking to him. But because my boyfriend and I are so attached with each other that even though we keep telling ourselves we need time apart, there seems to be a magnetic force that keeps pulling us together.

And so all night I drowned myself watching Rubi series online, and all morning I kept watching more. I wondered why my boyfriend.. or rather "ex-boyfriend" hasn't called me up yet. And yes, I was hoping he did because he ALWAYS did call whenever things between us is on the rocks. What I love about him, even though he doesn't explicitly show his sweetness, is that he never lets our arguments last for more than 24 hours. I would always expect that he would give in sooner or later, and I never got disappointed with my expectation. But that's just it, we did not have an argument last night. We had a mutual understanding that we need space.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm not entirely sad and why I don't feel like I just had a break up. Because I know that this is what we need. This is what I need. If he really wants me back, he had to work for it again. And as I anticipated, my phone was ringing. I thought it was just another one of those tele-marketers, but then his name was on it.

However, I did not answer. And he kept calling again. But I kept myself from answering. I already knew what was going to happen. He's going to ask for me back, and promise that everything will improve from now on, and we're back together again just like that. And the next day, nothing really happens. Back to the same old habit again. So I had to resist.

At least he knew where to find me. He knew I was online 24/7. He messaged me and asked me why I wasn't answering the phone. I asked him why was he calling and what was he going to say. He said,  'nothing'. He said he just wanted to call. Then later on he gave me a ring again and I didn't answer. I messaged him back and told him that if he wanted to say something just say it [on instant messaging]. He said it needed to be on the phone. But I still did not answer. I asked what it was about, he just said nothing again. I replied, "you have nothing to say, then there's no point of answering the phone". Just as like Saturday, I don't want to waste our time talking about nothing at all. I would just feel the boredom even more. It yields no interest, no spark, no excitement.

Later on I kept watching the series of Rubi and it kept me entertained and busy for the rest of the day. And like any other "friendly" conversation, I texted my exboyfriend and asked him what he was doing. He replied that he was drunk again. As much as I didn't want to act like a girlfriend, I couldn't resist so I asked him where he was and who he was with. He was at a karaoke bar with his co-workers and he wanted to get so drunk tonight because of too much stress in his life right now. I tried calling him, but he said it was too noisy. I waited until 11pm to call him again, but this time he was already home. I no longer prolonged our conversation. I should resist to show my concern.

Today, I tried calling him again. I found out that he didn't go to work today because he got sick. I wasn't concerned but I was pissed. It was his fault to go out last night anyway. And now he's not going to work? He said he was busy cooking and he can't answer the phone. Frustrating RIGHT? Now it's like HE IS the one playing hard to get. I shouldn't fall for it. I should resist.

"you and your excuses" --- that's what I said.

And he replied, "you just love me, that's why".

Later on, he had settled down his food and laptop in front of him and demanded that we turn on our web cams. I resisted, because like I said, our "break-ups" were never taken seriously. We would just act like nothing happened. And I had to change that. I had to make a point. After few emotionless conversation, he teased again. "you know you love me"... "why are you smiling?"

When seriously I wasn't. I was still emotionless. Besides, my webcam is not activated.
I told him to stop playing around. And the conversation ended for him to beg for me to come back.

Well, we are in a LDR and it has been only 2 days since I "broke up" with him so you might think that, us being "together" again wouldn't make a difference. But the labeling does. He wanted me to be his girlfriend again.

"is that a proposal?" --- i replied.

"take it or leave it" ---- he said.


"Wow" i said, "is that how you would make it up for me? Is that how you win me back? by a "threat" that you will never ask for me again"

I had to resist. I knew it was a trap.. "NO. Make it up to me, and then I'll decide"

He said that he never chases a woman, ever. And that his "offer" was final.

I ignored him.

And later on, he was taking it back. He said sorry. And he said he loves me.

"i want you back"

and then he started bullshitting me with why he wants me back, and that I'm the only girl he wants, and all, oh- you know... those kind of stuff.












But I still said. NO.

I wouldn't let just sweet words to win me back again right?? He STILL needs to make it up to me by actions and not just plans that he will.

He said that he wants the assurance that he owns me.

I said, "okay. I'll give you 12 days."

"In 12 days, it will be our second year anniversary. I will answer you again, on September 11. We'll be back together again but you also have 12 days to make it up for yourself."

He said that I was acting like a kid. And he said he wanted it NOW. He wanted me to be his girlfriend again NOW. (who's acting like a kid now? lol)


Me: "oh, so you're going to get me back through force?"


Boyfriend: "yes"


Me: "you know, I only knew you for 6 days when I answered you back then, its about time that you work hard to get me.. even for just a short while"


Boyfriend: "no, I don't like to"


Me: "12 days"


Boyfriend: "don't ruin my day... I want us to get back together NOW!"


Me: "if I were you I would research on how to court me"


Boyfriend: "if I don't get an answer within 1 hour, then that's it. I'm not going to try anymore"

---after 1 hour----

Boyfriend: "It's already 1 hour. Are we back together? I want it today already."

Me: "12 days"

Boyfriend: "fine"

---

I WIN!! I WIN!! I WIN AGAIN!!! ... Boys nowadays can be so stubborn. They don't know how to "court" anymore. Winning girls with sweet gifts and romantic serenade are so over. When girls play hard to get, boys just give up and think that they wont have a chance with you. They don't even at least "try" anymore to show it that they are worth your 'yes'.


That's why playing hard to get, has now become a big risk. Because the one boy you like might just be so stubborn to not fight for your love anymore. Then eventually, relationships have evolved that girls even do the first moves too. Our pride as a prize have lowered down. Just like what I did when my boyfriend and I started dating.


But it's still not too late to play hard to get. Now that I know he has invested so much on me already, he wouldn't resist. He just have to play by my rules now.

And if all fails, that playing hard to get also risks of losing him entirely then...
I could just go back to plan Z. That is to win him back all over again... no matter what it takes.