26. Sizzler at Los Alamitos

Today I had lunch with my uncle and cousins. My cousin's apartment was located at Los Alamitos. It seemed so far from L.A.  Hey, I guess Los Alamitos is L.A. too. :D

Anyway their pad was HUGE. Well, maybe not of a big time businessman, but it was still big for just the two of them. I so envied my cousins that even though they haven't even finished their degrees yet, they could already rent a place for them and buy their own cars. Not only that, but they also bought a whole bunch of other stuff out from their own pockets :( Plus, they pay for they own schooling too! How do they do that here in United States? :( I've worked before and I couldn't even buy myself a Wii Fit. hehe.

We ate at Sizzler Steakhouse. They had an all you can eat salad bar, which may I say, did not only include salads. I had a GREAT lunch. I can't find any words to describe it, maybe you ought to go there yourself! :) You have my word, you'll enjoy eating there.

25. Redondo Beach

My cousins brought me to Redondo Beach today

There are just so many beaches here in L.A. and anyone who wants to go beaching can just decide to go there (as long as you can handle the cold breeze! brrr). It makes me think that how come in Manila, the Philippines is made out of thousands of Islands but it is just so hard to go find a good beach? More so, it's going to cost you a LOT just to be in one, sheesh. what a tropical climate put to waste...

Beach & Buildings

awww even they are sad

My cousins also brought me to my first "comic" store. lol ... I like reading comics, but I don't think I would want to pay so much money for them. I can read them online anyway. But I did find these vehicles interesting. I wonder where the owners are? damn! I just missed Batman! lol

BatMobile

Captain Mobile

SuperMobile

24. un-happy birthday to me

Today was the day I was about to apply for Canadian Visa. 

I have been so excited for it ever since my uncle said that if I go Canada, he will buy me an ipad. 

He said that while I was in Manila, and I really did not have time to apply for a visa anymore. So I researched that you can apply for a visa in the states even though it's not your country of origin.

But as you can notice with my Canadian Southpark Photo I have here, I did not go home with good news. The consul denied me of my visa! and I HAD ALL THE PAPER AND PROOF OF WHATEVER SHII. I went there, I gave the papers, and the person said "go pick up your passport later at 2:30pm." I was already rejoicing and my uncle was about to book me a ticket. But when I got my freakin' passport the guy said that I was denied! . There wasn't even an interview!

It said in the paper, they fear that I might not leave their country anymore. EXCUSE ME. If you had asked me first, I would have said that I'd rather be in AMERICA than CANADA YOU KNOW. I know the United States may be in recession but I still rather live here. effin... My uncle said, consuls decide depending on their mood for the day and I just did not have the luck.

A happy happy happy birthday to you babe.

Today, was also my Sweetie's birthday!!! :(  I'm sad because I haven't really spent his birthday with him. My timing to be in San Francisco was just too early. And a year ago, he already spent his birthday in Los Angeles @ Disneyland resort. But I was in Manila, currently taking my masters. Although he offered that he wanted me to go to L.A. for his birthday last year, I found it just not that practical enough.


I guess it is good news that I haven't really been physically present during his birthdays.
Because I haven't really thought of a good gift to give him.



Maybe next year =) ... good. I have plenty of time to save for it still.

23. Long Beach

Today someone took me out to lunch again. They were a family friend.
We ate at Long beach and went on a stroll too. It's was damn chilly!

Light House

Yacht

Parkers' Lighthouse

It was a pretty sight strolling along Long Beach and I couldn't help not send my boyfriend messages about what I was doing. I had wanted us to do the same if only we didn't go to Vegas. (and we could have probably avoided all those vegas mess)

I wanted him to go back to L.A.

I wanted us to stroll down Long Beach and have lunch there.

It's sucks.



But then, I just kept telling myself... this is my vacation.
And unfortunately, I'll be doing most of the fun without him.

22. Los Angeles

I'm in Los Angeles!

It means a new city to explore for me.


Here at my grandparent's house, there is no internet connection. =( But I was lucky enough... that there was a free wifi spot lingering around the neighborhood. THANK YOU DEAR NEIGHBOR WHOEVER YOU ARE. Your unsecured wifi connection is making me feel at home and making me feel that I'm not lonely. I can still connect to my friends and family back in the Philippines.


My uncle took me to lunch on Monday (the same day that my boyfriend left for San Francisco). I was so grateful that I wouldn't spend the whole day thinking about my boyfriend's absence. My uncle gave me a cellphone too! Great! I was really starting to get comfortable now.

It had unlimited text and calls nationwide & unlimited international texting

Other than that news, I used my cellphone to start sending people text messages and informing them that I was already in town.

So today, my uncle's son picked me up so we could have lunch. He said he was supposed to take me walking along the beach but he sprained his ankle from basketball (see, basketball just ruins my life). So we just ate at High Fives instead and had typical American food (thank God). I've been eating Filipino food for the whole time at the house because of my grandma's cooking.


Then I went grocery shopping at Walmart. I felt so free that I wanted to buy so many things, only everything was sold in large amounts that I knew I wouldn't be able to finish. I'm the only one in the house who's going to consume those kind of food anyway.

I bought Strawberried Peanut Butter

Hershey's Cookies n Chocolate Assortment

Crunchy Cheetos

Mini Bagel Bites

and oh.. paper plates, so I wouldn't have to always wash so many dishes everyday :)

I guess, being away from my boyfriend for now is okay...  but I still think about him everyday. 

and I wish I could share all these food with him right now. 

21. dear future mother-in-law

Magic Jack was a wonderful invention. It was the secret how I coped up with my long distance relationship with my boyfriend when he first left for the United States.

visit http://www.magicjack.com for more details

Yesterday, was a hard day for my boyfriend and he wanted to talk to his mom. Unfortunately their magicjack back home had already expired months ago, that's why I lent them mine. But then, my magicjack had also expired just recently. I feel sad for my boyfriend because I know how close he was with his mother and I know how her mother treats him like a best friend. I know how he feels that at times that he needs someone most (aside from me filling up that empty feeling), it's still different when a son runs to his mom for comfort.

I had the privilege in my phone to have an unlimited international texting feature which I used to communicate to his mom. But I know that wasn't enough, so my boyfriend and I talked that I will renew the magicjack using my credit card. I know how much he needs to talk to his mom and I know how much his mother would want to talk to his first born. I'm not a mom yet, but I guess it's really different for a mom to be away from her child.

In a matter of minutes (with a little delay because they accidentally plugged a different MJ and I forgot they needed my email and password to re-activate it), the magicjack was already renewed and they can use it to call the United States unlimited and any time.

My boyfriend was being impatient and kept bugging me why his mom hasn't called yet. As I said, we encountered a little delay and the first person his mom called was me! =P. We weren't able to talk that much because I told him how badly his son needed to talk to him. So we said goodbye and we agreed we will just talk another time. 

---

That another time...

happened tonight.

I texted my "FMIL" (future mother-in-law), for her to call me when she has the chance. I said that I need to talk to her and tell her something. At first, it was my boyfriend's uncle who called me and I was suprised! Apparently FMIL was at their house and since I told her that I needed to talk to her, she contacted me at once. But I said I think it would be just better to call me when she gets home... I expected that it was going to be a very longggg conversation.


I told my FMIL that his son & I have been quarreling often during our moments together. And during those moments, his son was showing signs of aggressiveness that I have never seen back in Manila before. My future-mother-in-law already knew exactly what I was talking about. I was trying to explain everything and she told me that, of all the people, she herself would understand what exactly I was talking about. That at the heat of argumentation he would look like he was just "possessed". And that was scary. I could still picture it on my mind.

She told me that ever since his son was young, she would always say "you will never grow up like your father". And it was effective, his son was a fine man who protects & loves his mom & sisters so much. I was lucky to have a future mom who knew exactly how to raise his son. She told me how his son would always be affected and defensive whenever his dad was in a "possessed" mode.

I told her that it has never happened before in the Philippines and his son always knew how to keep his patience in front of me, no matter how angry he already was. But now his son is growing up far from her now and she explained that she doesn't know what kind of influence that people around my boyfriend are giving him now. It might be the stress but still, there's no valid excuse for his behavior.

Then she told me that next time it happens again, I should remind him that his mother always told him that she never wanted him to imitate his father's aggressive behavior.

I wouldn't know about encountering a situation like that again since I'm already in L.A.

Even so if we are together already, well, I hope I won't have to experience it again.

20. humpy bumpy dumpy wednesday

Wednesdays are humpdays because they represent the "bump" in the middle of the week.

Everything was going on just fine in Los Angeles today... Until I got a call from my boyfriend....

He said his relatives had talked to him and made him choose between me and his work. 

They had this "project" on going and I was a distraction.

They said it would benefit me also soon in the end, but I just have to do some sacrifices.

They said my boyfriend had to give me up for the mean time.

He called me explaining everything and all that came out in my mouth were just "okay.." "okay"... and "okay" ... But although he didn't break up with me, he said that we have to pretend that we did. I had to hide from them and they shouldn't hear from me.

I tried to understand where he was coming from, so all I said was "okay" "alright" and "sure". No buts, complains, questions or whining. He said all I need to do is just trust him, which I do.

Heck, all that I was thinking about that time was, "What's the difference if we pretend or not? I'm already in L.A" I wanted to be mad. I wanted to be mad at everyone. When I was in Manila, they were always influencing me to go to San Francisco. Our long distance relationship was surviving because of the support of his family and relatives. I was confused. I was angry. I was hurt.


He blamed it because of that incident back in San Francisco. Because I "showed" some "attitude".

I wasn't in the mood to argue. 


So in the end I just said "okay" & "thank you"


He asked, "Why thank you?"


I was thanking him that despite what happened to us in Vegas, he's still not giving up on me.

on us. 

19. i left my heart in san francisco

The loveliness of Paris seems somehow sadly gay,
The glory that was Rome is just another day,
I've been terribly alone and forgotten in Manhattan,
I'm going home to my city by the bay.

I left my heart in San Francisco, high on a hill it calls to me
To be where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars.
The morning fog may chill the air, I don't care.
My love waits there in San Francisco, above the blue and windy sea,
When I come home to you, San Francisco, your golden sun will shine for me. 

---

We woke up at around 8 o'clock in the morning because my boyfriend had a rent-a-car deadline to catch back in San Francisco. There were no tears no sad moments but I sure have wished I could have delayed him for a little bit more. If it weren't for the rental car, I would have made him to stay a little longer.

It was different and it did not sink onto me so deep. Since he was just leaving on a car, I think that was better. I only thought of it that he was just going to work or going home a few miles from here. We waved our goodbyes without thinking that I won't be able to see him for a long time anymore. I hoped that he would come back to L.A. to pay me a visit, but it just seemed so impossible. When will I see him again? ... we really don't have any idea.

 video link thanks from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ7EwM-ioG0&feature=fvst

I love you baby, I miss you already.
 We're back on long distance again.

18. what happens in vegas stays in vegas

yesterday's road trip was just the worst  ... I cried... I begged... I got tired of trying to explain.... he found it useless too... we were just at the point that we won't understand any body but our self. It was pretty much a useless argument getting to nowhere so we just sat there quietly, wishing that we were home. But we were far from any home we can be.

I felt that I shouldn't have came to the U.S. in the first place. Everything about us was just ruined. But a part of me was grateful that at the least we experience these things now and not later. In sum, my trip to the states with him was just not as I expected it to be. It was just a total .... dare I say it. A TOTAL DISASTER.


Anyway, yesterday... from Vegas to L.A. our road trip wasn't that totally bad. Maybe because we had no choice since we were stuck with each other for 4 hours. We made up and we were okay again on the road.

I was using his cell phone though, using yahoo messenger. When SUDDENLY HELLO. Someone Messaged him. Somebody I told a year ago to BACK OFF. His ex girlfriend whom coincidentally I accused him a week ago that they have been talking to each other and which he denied of ever talking.

I told him "I ASKED YOU LAST WEEK! when was the last time you two were talking!"

He said "I told you, last month"...

I GAVE A HUGE GASP and said "liar!!!!!" "You said to me you haven't been talking to her!!


In any case.. you might think we were fighting again... but I had to control myself before we break up again anytime soon (see, can't you notice I'm improving) ... I wanted to bitch out the girl but then I just tried to act cool and "nicely" told her to stop talking to my boyfriend. But I sooo wanted to tell her "Didn't I tell you to back off??"

Other than that.... the remaining road trip back to Los Angeles was still not a perfect one because my boyfriend was showing signs of physical weakness already. He was heating up, even if we weren't fighting nor were we in Vegas. So with a couple of stop overs, I bought him medicine, water and food. This time I was smart enough to use my credit card. I think this could fall under an "emergency".

And the rest of the night... was all cool...

So was the weather...

17. a not so perfect visit to the Sin City

At the least of our effort to be in Vegas, there was still an experience that was worth a memory for. Last night we were able to watch a Jabbawockeez show.

a figment of your imagination

I must say, they were pretty awesome!!! Well, there was a moment where I dozed off because it became kinda repetitive already since it was a 2-hour show. But no complaints, it was still pretty awesome!!!

And today was a bright new day and we were fully charged....  we were able to stroll along the strip of Vegas. DESPITE the heat.... at least our pictures were more jolly.. and my eyes showed it.

New York

MGM Lion

Paris

Tony Stark spotted!

lots of limos

and nice cars

It was like a perfect day... and my boyfriend even won $100 in the electronic poker... OR maybe, he just won about $70 minus the capital and the money he still OWES me. He said he felt it was "good luck" if he used my money. But he just keep on losing money the longer we spend time sitting there. He still was able to get $70 more though when I told him to stop aiming for winning more money because the trend was already not good.

Oh well that's gambling.


At around 2:30, we started heading off the parking already... I think we forgot to eat our lunch because I don't remember anything. All the rest I could think about now, is my boyfriend's expenses. (despite winning $70). He always seem to try to please me and not being honest enough. Sometimes he tells me he's too broke, and when I'd like to offer something he tells me I need it more because he can earn it anyway.



That's his problem. He will always want to try please the people around him and overestimating what he could offer. He's like the Yes! man.

Only Jim Carrey always said "no" to everything. But my boyfriend seemed to say YES in everything.

Oh, just probably except with me... because he would always try to make me feel guilty to try and "understand" his circumstances.


He'd tell me his expenses for the trip from San Francisco to Las Vegas. He'd tell me the opportunity loss he lost for leaving work. He wants me to understand. But what he doesn't know is that I feel bad about it and try to find ways where I can help. Aside from always compromising myself... which I have been doing even when we were in Manila. It was as if we were ALWAYS in recession.


I had a credit card.


My dad gave me one before I left the Philippines, along with the "rules and responsibility speech" on the use of credit cards.


On our way to the parking lot, I saw a cafe shop. I wanted to buy something cold. My boyfriend bought cookies and green tea, I bought a smoothie. I paid for it half my dad's credit card and half my cash. (I was afraid that the bill will show that I bought two drinks which would totally mean I'm using the card to treat somebody else)

My boyfriend goes, "give me a dollar". 


I'm like WHY? ....


"I'm going to put it in the Tip Jar"


I'm like, oh okay.... so why don't you put it already?



"let's wait for her to see it"


ding ding ding... omg bf... what's the point?.... do you have to do everything with EVERYONE knowing what you just "did"? ... here you go, trying to please everybody. Can't you just do things, because it makes you "feel better" and not anybody else?


I felt so much like a fake. A hypocrite. I'd rather not give a tip than give a tip and intentionally let her know that I was doing a "good" deed. I'm not American, but is this the culture here? ... If you tip someone, they have to know that you tipped? I understand it when you put it on the "receipts" or together with the bill, they will know how much you tipped. But tip jars????

Can somebody please explain.


So anyway, I did not say anything... I just let it passed.


Until later on, we were going to get gasoline. My boyfriend gave me the money and specifically gave me instructions on how much and how to pay for gas. (It's different here because everything is self-service, and in Manila, you'll get used to getting gasoline without having to step outside your car)

WHEN SUDDENLY. A man approached our window. He was trying to explain that he's from I think military or veteran and saying that he needs money to get gasoline and to get home. He also mentioned that he has kids in the car.


I should have taken the money and fled of to the cashier already! My boyfriend was holding $24 and he gave $4 to the stranger!!!!!!!! and his face was like possessed! Something like, "uh-oh, I don't have any choice" when.. he COULD HAVE JUST SAID NO. WE NEED TO GET BACK HOME TOO AND WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.


I try SO MUCH. I try SO MUCH!! to lessen his expenses by cooperating and using my dad's money. But he just gives his money away! How do you think that made me feel???


I know it's nice to help other people, but you have to think about your self too right??? If WE DID have the blessing and WE DID have extra money, its not a big deal to help other people. But we didn't. and remember he was just explaining to me how broke he was and how much he has been spending already???


CURSE YOU YES MAN!! I told you, stop pretending!!!!!! You may have pleased that man, but you certainly did NOT please me. Am I being a bitch?? or my boyfriend was just again possessed and clouded.


Will you stop trying to please everyone! Not even politicians can do that and they can do so much!



So anyway, my bad was that I couldn't control my temper anymore because I couldn't make him understand and read my thoughts. I wasn't just pissed because of that incident, but that incident just triggered it. Remember the Tip Jar? ...

So I went to the cashier and paid $20 for gasoline. I became too clouded too that I forgot I could have just used my credit card to save us from being cashless. I was too pissed already because of my boyfriend's stupid "godly" behavior. If he was that too much of a person trying to please everyone even at his own expense, then why doesn't he do it to me??? ... NO. he just has to please strangers and do the complaining later on me. There I go again, my role to "understand" him. That's right because strangers won't have the time to "understand" my boyfriend's problems, so we need to please them.


It's not wrong to say NO, you know. Last time I checked, it's not rude either! Well, yeah, if you say NO in an aggressive way... But if you say NO nicely, it's not going to harm you.

Beggars cannot be choosers, that's what I learned growing up.

and, I also learned that... YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYBODY.


Ever since that, the whole road trip back to Las Vegas was already a nightmare.


We broke up.


oh yeah we were in a 4-hour drive... after a few miles I think.. we got together again.


I begged for it.



Since if you put it this way, it was REALLY my fault because I could have gotten "over" what he did. But I was just thinking more than that, I was thinking about his behavior. He can be such a fake sometimes. Why do you have to pretend Mr. Boyfriend? Why do you have to always care what people will think? .... I sure know that these strangers don't care about your suffering.


Now, I remember back in San Francisco, don't think that I did not notice what you did. We were watching the street show... and he asked me for five bucks to "donate" to the street gymnasts. I did not have any change. So he took his wallet out, took 5 dollars, walked towards the gymnasts, then walked away. Hey, did you just pretended back there??? ... IT DOESN'T HURT IF WE JUST HAVE WALKED AWAY.


If you are pretending to be a good samaritan because of me, GOSH you DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT PLEASE, that just turns me off because I know all about your financial situation! YES I KNOW!! BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN explaining it to me a hundred times again and again. Oh... no.. my bad... I don't think he was being a good samaritan to show it to me... because he DID ask money from ME first. That was the first time I saw him trying to "please" strangers.

I told you I UNDERSTAND. But what I don't understand is why are you trying to give money away? It's good to share your blessings I know, but it doesn't hurt to think about yourself first. You cannot give what you cannot have right... and God knows if you are just doing it to show off... UGH.


I'M STILL NOT GETTING OVER YOUR "GOOD SAMARITAN" acting.

Why force yourself??? Learn to say NO!

or the least you could do is "act" it up so well that I won't sense that you're doing it just to please people.


Boy, in Manila you weren't like this... That's why I can sense the difference. In Manila I saw that you helped people because you really wanted to. I did not feel that you helped people because you HAVE NO CHOICE. Until, recently.

16. you think we shouldn't have went to vegas?

We had a wonderful road trip on the way to Vegas. and this time (unlike last night) I brought us some drinks and food for the road. We went hungry and thirsty during our 6-hour drive last night and we couldn't find any stores.

It was a beautiful 4 hour drive. Aside from lacking hours of sleep, the sight seeing was worth leaving early. We hoped to have left earlier but it was just hard to get away from my grandparents too soon. I still wish we should have just traveled around L.A. instead of going to Vegas. We could have done so much.


Well anyway, the drive was great but the temperature was really killing us as we went nearer and nearer the desert. Good mood maintained in the air fueled by the excitement of my boyfriend driving all the way to Vegas on his own. He went just crazy when we started seeing signs of Nevada Civilization.

More so, he went super crazy when we saw the famous MGM grand and other Las Vegas sights.

We were staying at the MGM Grand Hotel

I was amazed because I saw this.

Isn't that just so sweet? It reminds me of the movie "What happens in Vegas" where Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz, who barely knew each other, got so drunk and got married together while intoxicated.

Well anyway... that was our road trip... Happiness ended when my boyfriend just couldn't help his excitement and I just couldn't keep up with his level.


I didn't drive, but I was tired, I got my first period, and I was hungry, I was everything but happy.

We arrived at the hotel and I was grateful to see fluffy cushions. But he on the other hand, wanted to go look for his uncles.

I wanted to rest.

He did not want to waste "any minute" of his time in Vegas.

I wanted to slap him and say "get a grip will you please!!"

He said I should just stay in the hotel while he go look for his uncle.

I did not want to agree with that because isn't the point that we should be doing stuff TOGETHER?? and you want to leave me here in the hotel room???

I really wanted to try understand his excitement but he wasn't just thinking right!!! He doesn't even have a clue where his uncle was!!! and to do WHAT??? to watch them GAMBLE????? What's the f*cked up difference! He's been watching his uncle gamble for like a million times already!!


I was really SO SO SO PISSED AT HIS CLOUDED MIND ALREADY. I wanted to really understand that he was just excited because it was his "first time in vegas" trip... BUT SERIOUSLY HE JUST WASN'T THINKING STRAIGHT ANYMORE! All he wants is just go go go... and I was dehydrating ALREADY! The heat was just making me weak and making my nose bleed! and HE GETS MAD because I'm taking too much of my time in the bath room!!!



Should have I just slapped him??? seriously??? you think???

Or maybe I should have thrown him a glass of water so he'd wake up and get his brain straight.

So finally I forced myself to go with him and look for his uncle. We went out  to the heat without any direction of where we were going. Then we went back in to that air conditioned building. Then we went out again to the heat and crossed the bridge to Mandalay. Then we went inside the air conditioned building. Just to find out that his uncle went back to the hotel room at MGM grand (that's where we stayed by the way).


Oh great.. you have NO IDEA HOW PISSED AND HEATING MY HEAD REALLY WAS AT THAT TIME ALREADY. I was probably hotter than the dry and non-humid air.


I wanted to tell him. "I TOLD YOU! If we should have just stayed put in the hotel room and planned out first where we are going to meet your uncle then we wouldn't have wasted our energy and instead have a chance to recharge!!"



YOU AND YOUR CRAPPY ITINERARIES! I'M TELLING YOU!!!




See... see how our "first" trip to vegas was so memorable and enchanting. I couldn't even look at our photos because I was so pissed that "smiling" and "faking" in the photos couldn't even work. My eyes still showed that I was having a f*cked up day.



The trip was just so f*cked up that instead of just bonding together and having a nice day because we are about to be seperated again any day soon, we were still fighting up to the last minutes of our presence with each other.

I BLAME IT BECAUSE OF HIS EXCITEMENT IN GOING TO VEGAS LIKE HE'S NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO GO TO VEGAS IN HIS LIFE TIME ANYMORE.


Now look what happened to your first memory in Vegas. And LOOK! at OUR FIRST memory in vegas together. Instead of being too excited that you are in Vegas, he should have thought that it is OUR first time in Vegas. I'm sure that he will be able to go back to Vegas in the future, but will he be with ME??? Now being in Vegas TOGETHER is something that might not happen anymore! Oh my GOD I so hate him for being so individualistic and selfish!!!!!!

AND I couldn't explain it to him that time because his mind was just too clouded! and HE'S blaming me for making our day just crappy. Why can't he blame his stupid decisions? ...


Oh right... he's just too excited to be in Vegas.



Hey! I'm excited too! but all I'm thinking is that I'm excited that I got to go to Vegas with YOU!


This just makes me sick. You just wasted our last weekend together.

It's not as if you took a day off when I was in San Francisco. You just also wasted your day offs. We were supposed to spend it in L.A. creating beautiful memories. No. You took a day off to create the worst memories of our life. And we are going to part recalling our last crappy memories together.


What do you think will happen to our long distance relationship now?
Mr-I'm-So-Excited-I'm-In-Vegas-Why-Aren't-You-Excited-For-Me