94. hate is not the opposite of love

how is it possible to HATE and LOVE a person at the same time?

When I was in college, I learned that HATE is not the opposite of love.


Indifference was.

To feel no emotion of any kind was the opposite of love. Like when your boyfriend just cheated on you, you feel hate because you love and care for him. But hate is not the opposite.

Indifference is.

If you feel nothing for that person.
If you feel nothing despite his action, then that is the opposite of love.

Because you don't give a shit. (Thus, you don't really love him.)

And to hate a person, means you are investing an emotion.
To invest an emotion, shows that you care.

So, maybe that's the reason why we can both HATE and LOVE a person at the same time.

Thus, we have that saying "The more you hate the more you love" 



ergo I HATE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH!

the scenario?

Today, I accompanied my grandparents to the doctor. To be honest I really wasn't in the mood to go out. I was so impatient because there was only one doctor in that clinic but they have made simultaneous appointments with other clients. Everyone was just SO SLOW. And I told you, I wasn't in the mood to go out. Add it up, that after the doctor's appointment we had to drop by CVS pharmacy to buy the medicines. My grandmother wanted to buy hand lotions and it took her SO goddamn long to decide which kind she wanted to buy. Later on, we ended up buying other stupid things. When we left CVS, they wanted to eat out. The chinese restaurant they wanted to eat at was 'fortunately' closed and that I suggested we just order a take-out and head home. But she had other plans to go to, Oh.. yeah... i remember.. JUST GREAT. We ate at a stupid chinese restaurant and i barely ate anything we ordered. I'm so freaking sick of eating chinese food! for freakin' sake! PLEASE! STOP! And as if the complimentary dessert was good to lift my day up, but it was NOT. Later on my grandmother wanted to stop by K-Mart. My grandfather drove passed K-Mart which made me happy. "Yes" I said to myself. "We're not going to K-Mart". Apparently we were going to WALMART. Curses!!! To buy more stupid stuff for the bathroom. Everything to prepare for my family's arrival on Friday. Fucking took so long at the bathroom stuff aisle! If it was the food aisle that might have made my day. And then later on, we went to HOME DEPOT. FUCK THIS IS KILLING ME. Why did you have to bring me along????

Okay, I'm confusing you right? ... I'm not mad at my grandma.... I still hate my boyfriend.

You know those moments that there are certain days that you are lazy... and sometimes you are not? ... Well this day was just NOT MY DAY. I feel like I just want to stare at one object and later on feel like dropping my jaw. I feel like I want to empty my mind of absolutely everything and be a vegetable for a day. I know I've felt this before. I've felt this in high school, just right after a heavy day from classes. I felt that I just wanted to sit on the bleachers and stare at the other kids playing on the court. I needed entertainment. I was JUST FUCKING BORED. and I did not feel like doing anything un-entertaining. I was so absent minded that I kept bumping my grandfather with the grocery carts that I was pushing. I kept whining inside me and whenever I was alone, I whined to myself.  

"I don't want to be here!!!!!! I want to go home!!!!"

What does this story have to do with my boyfriend?

Well I told him that I wanted him to call me. I said that I was going crazy and I needed to talk.

We were just conversing using Instant Messaging and I said that I wanted to TALK ON THE PHONE.

He said that he can't and then started telling me that, I shouldn't always have to do "something". I shouldn't be always entertained. And that I should learn to relax and not do anything sometimes. And that we can't afford to always talk on the phone every single day. And that I'm just making my own problems.

Well, you can guess what happened after that. I got so frickin' pissed of course. It's not because I don't accept his reasons why he can't use the phone. But it's because he's fucking acting like he knows me so much! Well yes! I am bored and I want to be entertained. And YES it may seem that I want to talk to him every day. But why are you acting that you know me so much?? You are WRONG. I HAVE TO ALWAYS ENTERTAIN MYSELF.

I was so pissed at him, that he told me that I'm just mad because I did not get what I want

I said "If you know me so much then you wouldn't be pissing me off!"

He started explaining stuff that I did not want to care. And I just kept on replying and ending it with exclamation points. He wanted to point out the way that I react. As proven by the "!!!!!". And it still didn't bother me. I did not care if I was reacting immaturely. I HATE HIM.


"You DON'T know me, because you don't know what makes me happy."

He replied, "I do know you and what will make you happy. You want me to call, so that you have someone to talk to you and comfort you".
 

I was so fucking pissed already. I should have said. "IF YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT!" I want to be spoiled! you idiot. (I didn't say that, because I just thought about that now as I write this post.)

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO pisssed!!!!!! ... I think this is my first rant post.


My boyfriend said that he will call me first thing in the morning when he arrives his office. I just got pissed even more. I told him he just doesn't get it! He always calls at the wrong time! and not at the time that I really want to talk to him! .... I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


On the other hand.... our argument did entertain me for the rest of the night while me and my grandparents were out. And I can't believe that my boyfriend was still calm and saying that he loves me so much and we need to avoid on making little disappointment become big disagreements. I don't care. I still hate him. AND YES. I AM PISSED BECAUSE I DID NOT GET WHAT I WANT.

God I need a social life.

I need someone to talk to besides him.