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Friday, July 23, 2010

36. a whole week of nowhere

I spent the rest of the week, resting and practically doing nothing but again surf the internet the whole frickin' day.But a lot of things have been going on with my boyfriend and I recently. I am mad again. Is it a pattern that whenever I have consecutive days of boredom I end up thinking about too much and getting too emotional?

This week I received an invitation from my uncle back in San Jose. It was the Christening invitation of my soon to be born cousin. This means I'm going back to San Francisco again. I have long removed the idea that I still wanted to go back there. But until recently I realized and told myself, why should I let my boyfriend & relatives hold me back to my plans? I mean, they have already ruined much.

And because of my plans of going back to San Francisco, brought back again a lot of complexities. Complexities of where I can stay (because I cannot stay at my boyfriend's relatives anymore, obviously) and complexities that my boyfriend will again go M.I.A (missing in action) once I'm around.

I told him, well you ARE definitely going to be missing simply because they are trying to take you away from me. And now we have no choice but to keep secrets from them. I was so mad and frustrated because now I'm feel all these stress, because I did want to go back. I did want to go to my cousin's christening. I did want to meet more of my friends in Frisco. And most of all, I did want to see my boyfriend again and do things we weren't able to do before.

Again cross my frustrations. My confusions. My hate. My questions. Why? Why are they doing this to me? Why are they making such extreme decisions? Do they even care about what I would feel? Well, of course they won't... I'm not related to them.

But in the end I had to decide for myself.

I booked a flight.

I'll be keeping it discrete from his relatives and anyone close about my flight back to San Francisco. The heck I know they don't want me to be there, well then the more that I would want to be there. Who are they to ban me from going back to the bay? I left my heart in San Francisco.... and I want to go back and get it.


  1. Hey screw everyone else! If you wanna go to San Fran then you go girl!

  2. I'm glad you listened to your heart and booked a flight to San Francisco!

  3. lol thanks girls :) .. kinda scared though, but the heck, it's an adventure! :)

  4. Okay, I had to come read this after reading your Friday the 13th post.

    Your BFs family sucks, and he's an idiot if he can't stand up to them and do what HE wants to do. He is an adult, right? Act like one! Sheesh.

  5. hi jess,

    argh you dont know how mad i am either!!

    well to clear that up, okay. its not really "family" as parents and siblings... his really family are back in Manila. and I don't have any problem with them at ALL. they're like my inlaws already. But he's living now with his relatives.. so he's like... dependent on him for now... And sometimes that's why i get so mad. because he can be such a pussy! ... just because he lives with them and like work at their company or like you and all that shit...

    he doesnt have to FOLLOW ALL what they say right...???? I'm like UGH!! YOU ARE SUCH A PUPPET!!!!

  6. oh, that's "real" family up there.. not really family :) lol

  7. there's just these circumstances for now.. .that i have to compromise a lot of things... although i "understand" the reasons... but it doesn't stop me for feeling bad or mad or anything right.

  8. Yeah, there's always more to the story than people can share on blogs.....

    I've been in the relationship where his family made all the decisions and he just went along with them, la-de-dah. Drove me crazy! So I was really more venting old frustrations LOL.

    I hope things get better for you!


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