long distance love affair

Greetings

2011-06-15T22:26:00.000-07:00

greetings! welcome to my blog.

i have stopped this blog. but i decided not to delete it. for mere entertainment of future visitors...

sorry i have neglected this.... the Ipad was invented and I got carried away :)

BUT to those who are in a Long Distance Relationship.

I would like you to know that....

It works. if you want to make it work.

I am now engaged to my boyfriend.

yey me! :) thank you for everyone and for your support for following my blog...

Please do continue to put comments... I still read them, even if I don't update this anymore :)

Love you all and i miss you my friends...

138. Today

2010-10-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

Today, we went to Ports O Call. Waterfront Dining.

Okay, what boring shit am I talking about. That topic is a very boring subject to blog about.

What's the real update about my long distance relationship with my boyfriend then?

Since that's supposed to be the real reason why I'm blogging.

So. My boyfriend's relatives, are inviting me again to visit San Francisco.
And hopefully it will be a perfect visit this time.

Oh. But it's still not perfect because I'm not coming at all.

Despite the cheap rate right now $89.40 round trip taxes included.
I can't go anywhere anymore because my parents are already here in L.A.

It's no longer a vacation by myself anymore. And besides, I'm having so much fun shopping and buying things that my dad pays for me. What fun is that over using you're own money right?

Lol

So I am peaceful and happy already here.

Material things are compensating for my happiness.

And my boyfriend suddenly says that I can go back to Frisco now.

Just like that they think it's so easy.
While, my last two visits there was a semi disaster.

I should have learned the first time around.

A mistake done once is an honest one. Do it twice and you're stupid. Do I dare to make it thrice? And make my father get mad at me? I'm already having the time of my life being spoiled here. Why do I want to take the risk of forfeiting my dad's financial support for my shopping sprees.

Despite it may sound like I am choosing the merchandise over my boyfriend, it's just not entirely about that. There are deeper issues on what's stopping me to go back. Aside from that now my parents are here unlike before I can travel anywhere I want as long as I can afford it.

Sigh

Traveling is such a great experience and adventure indeed. There are days where you are unsure where you will sleep or stay. But that's part of the adventure. I guess I am lucky to have experience that. But I am not willing to experience that all over again. Even though now I have a sure place to stay in Frisco. Oh please. Leave me alone. Shopping is making me forget the bad memories.

I don't want to remember it anymore.

So today... here are more of the pictures while me, my dad, my mom, and my grandparents were strolling down the wharf.

136. a- 10-10-10- tion ..... !!!

2010-10-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't even gone back home yet.. and I'm already booked to fly to another country when I go back.

It all started when my good friend back in Manila, messaged me in my new Ipod Touch 4th Generation.

She told me to log on using my computer.

I was like... "uh.. but I'm still sleepy"

"Go online, join the conference"

"Why!?!? you getting married?!"

"Lol, no. Just hurry yup, you are wasting time"

She gave me a link from twitter.

As you would see, it was a sale.

I quickly jumped off my bed and turned on my laptop.

It was just 9am here in the states (October 9, 2010), but it was already 12midnight in Manila (October 10, 2010.

I can't believe I wasted time browsing on the domestic flights and waiting for my friends to make an itinerary for a trip when after about 30 minutes I heard my dad waking up.

I quickly told him about the sale! and he said BOOK A FLIGHT!

Do you know how much the domestic fare are in dollars???

It's barely even a quarter! (.23cents = 10pesos)

okay fine, that's just one way ticket. and then there are taxes and fees etc.

SIXTY THREE PESOS (Php63) ALL IN! ROUNDTRIP TICKET.
ANY DOMESTIC FLIGHT WITHIN THE PHILIPPINES!
that's just like $1.47! I could just travel every week! lol

So about our next family vacation.

It wasn't going to be that easy to book a ticket.

Even thought it was just around 1am in Manila.

Practically thousands of Filipinos were on the Cebu Pacific Air Website!!

Flights getting sold out every second! Website running SOooo sooo slow!

But after moments of patience and perseverance....

viola! 5 round trip tickets to the beautiful Bangkok, Thailand.

With a rough total of Php18,000. That's just around $400 dollars.

Round TRIP.

5 people.

All in.

with even a little extra of change :)

thank you friend who messaged me and insisted me to get my ass of my bed

HAPPY 10-10-10 AMERICA! SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE A LUCKY DAY!

I hope southwest goes on a super down sale too! lol =)

133. my new baby

2010-10-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

you think you know yourself too much when you say "I am faithful".

Not until that other someone, comes into your life. And now you say, "I am confused".

Is it a test? an obstacle? .... or is it a sign? ... Is it a moment that you realize, that maybe your current love isn't really the "one".

The fact that you are getting confused, may reflect that you don't really love your current one at all.

Is it possible to have TWO loves? ....

What am i really talking shit about...?!? ...

I'm not talking about my boyfriend.... I'm talking about my non-stop talking for the past few weeks about getting wii fit plus and wii fit accessories.

Guess what I end up getting :(

Why does fidelity feels so good. and yet. makes you feel guilty too.

I hope unlike a real playgirl. this infatuation lasts longer. HAHA ...

p.s. please expect that I will be missing in the blogosphere for a while.

131. I am a victim of a bandit.

2010-10-04T01:46:00.000-07:00

I got held up by a bandit tonight. He can be found at Club Barona, San Diego California

He is known as, the one-armed bandit.

The slots.

(huhuhuhu)

My aunt and my parents, decided to come back to Club Barona tonight, just for the buffet. (excited for their scrumptious desserts!)

My aunt was going to receive $100 as a gift from the club for her birthday. Unfortunately, she won’t get it until it was officially October 4, 2010. I guess she wouldn’t have enough time to go to the casino tomorrow, so she just decided to go to Club Barona, Eat Dinner, and wait until it was midnight.

And because we arrived there at 930pm…. They decided to relax at the casino for awhile since midnight was so far yet.

The last time I gambled was in Vegas, with my boyfriend. We played digital poker and as much as I would pretend that I know how to play poker, I’m not good at it. I had guts to play poker because he was there to guide me.

After around 30 minutes of watching my dad…

I left him and decided to try my luck.

I went to look for a digital poker machine and have enough guts to pretend that I know much about the game.

I have been to a lot of casinos, USA or Manila, but I’m not really a gambler. Of my OWN money that is. (haha how is that) My boyfriend’s relatives loved to play gamble. My boyfriend’s mom’s past time was to play the slot machine. And even though my boyfriend was not around, his mom would call me and ask me to accompany her to the casinos.

My boyfriend’s relatives loved bringing me to the casino with them, because I enjoyed the free casino food. When they lose, the food wasn’t really free anymore right? They feel better because their money wasn’t really put to waste. Because I eat a lot.

Going back, I was alone now.

And watching my dad gamble was not as much fun as watching my boyfriend’s relatives play. Probably because what runs in my mind was that “stop gambling dad, just give the money to me and you wont regret it” .. haha..

So I got bored… Casinos are a bad place to be bored at.

I slipped in a 20 dollar bill in the machine, and I accidentally placed in MAX BET.

*shoot*

Beginners luck, I got a flush.

So my $20 became $25.

You think I would have stopped there and claim my so called prize but a gambler wouldn’t, would he?
He would continue to play.

I stopped when my credits was already $9.50.

I LOST $10.50!!! Huhu.

But when I had my ticket encashed, I felt like a winner because I got myself a California quarter.

I haven’t mentioned that during my stay here in the US I am trying to collect all 50 state quarters. Ironically, I’m staying in California but I haven’t gotten a California coin yet.

And Now I have.

I totally feel like a winner!!!

I feel MORE like a winner when my aunt won $300 and she gave me 20bucks play money.

Yes!

Then off to the buffet we go, only to discover that they have closed on us. And we went there for the buffet!

We ended up eating at a Chinese restaurant (Gosh, please... I'm fed up with chinese food).

After dinner we still had to wait for an hour before midnight, and because of stupid superstitions when someone gives you play money, you should play it and not keep it.

My mom doesn’t know how to gamble at all, but she won $160.

I on the other hand, should have learned that whenever people gives me play money, my luck ends THERE. Play money is as good as winning already because it was given to me.

When I gamble the play money more… I’ll just end up getting no money at all.

So I stopped at $4.40.

No more.

No more.

I slept at a chair the rest of the night. (should have though about sleeping earlier!)

My dad asked me... "Did you lose?"

"Yes", i said.

I was totally expecting him to ask how much I lost, and then give me the same amount of money to compensate for it. But he didn't :(

When we were heading home my dad gave me $20.(*hooray!!) But I still feel bad because I spent the $20 my aunt gave me, and I lost $10 with my own money. I could have brought home additional $45 in total.

Before I went to sleep, my aunt asked me how much I lost.

"$10", I said.

Here's $15, at least you have won $5.

$5!! that was totally what I would have won in the first place! :(

Am I really a winner? I just lost myself $30 tonight.

Okay... too much analyzing... and the numbers are now confusing me. Well that's gambling.

Shoot… No more gambling for me!

That was already shopping money and I gambled it! (huhu)

*I told myself last night that I will not eat shrimp for a very very long time ever since last night's buffet... (shrimp unlimited)... and yet what I ordered tonight was "salt and pepper shrimp" ... I can't help it. Shrimp is my favorite food!! Doesn't matter how it is served, tempura, steamed, fried, cocktail, with soup or with pasta... i love shrimp. My fastest way in deciding which food to eat.

127. please put a leash on your wife.

2010-09-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

Dear slutty-wife's husband,

I think your wife accidentally sent an email to my boyfriend, I am just returning it back.

I do not know who is really telling the truth, but your wife did send this picture.

I didn't actually want to send this photo to you, but my patience had reached it's limit. No matter how try I ignore it, it's still annoying. I have previously told her more than once and over the past year (i dont remember when was it), that to cut the ties with my boyfriend because their "friendship" is so distracting (and frustrating). I seriously do not give a damn, if they say that they are “close” friends and that they have been good friends way back I even came into the picture. I just want her to even forget she ever knew my boyfriend. Like I said, their “friendship” is very distracting.

For sure she will have her own reasons, may it be true, may it be a lie.

I don't know who is telling the truth and we might never know the real story.

Bottomline, she had a choice whether to send it or not.
And she had a choice what kind of picture she would send.

I want you to know, I don't want any disputes. But i think you deserve the right to know these things. Your wife already told me you know, but I personally would want to talk to you and tell you that I hope this does not happen again in the long or near future.

I am far from my boyfriend, and I will leave the country soon. I will have a hard time knowing what's going on, especially that all of you three are within San Francisco.

I already did my part on teaching my boyfriend his goddamn lesson on what part of “DO NOT DARE TALK TO HER EVER AGAIN”, he does not understand. And believe me he has learned his lesson and will not be talking to any other girl for that matter, anytime soon.

I’m sending this message, with the risk that you will confront my boyfriend. We already have our own issues regarding this experience. You don’t have to add to it. Let me take care of my boyfriend, and I will let you take care of your wife.

I dont think it’s appropriate to send this kind of photo, REGARDLESS of whatever reason. I hope you understand.

Please put a leash on your wife.

THIS IS THE DRAFT MY FRIEND HELPED ME MAKE.

actually... it was my boyfriend's friend who insisted that I should tell the husband.

My boyfriend's friend met this slut before while my bf and slut were still dating. AND FROM THIS FRIEND'S EYES AND WORDS, the slut was really a slut. I am just not being driven by what happened.

She just is as shown by her actions.

Everyone knew that my boyfriend was against PDA (public display of affection). The slut practically rapes him in front of friends, and this friend could see in my boyfriend's reaction how annoyed he was. (no wonder she got dumped quickly)

My boyfriend's SISTERS, on the other hand, suggested that I PUBLISH the picture on facebook.

My boyfriend's aunt, however, helped me tweaked the letter too.

These are from my boyfriend's circle of people. I was still confused.

I used to have a highschool/college brother whom I used to exchange advices with. I graduated 2 years ago, and he still hasn't finished his degree. He was stubborn in school, but in life he was very wise and unbiased. When I had my first heart break, he was the one I was talking in the phone all night with. When my parent's where having a big fight, he was the one telling me to hold on. When my dad practically destroyed my life because he found out I had my first boyfriend, this friend was the one who visited and defended me.

He was a good friend whom I have lost touched with because of me graduating and him still in school with other group of friends.

Then I messaged him.

"*****, can I ask for advice?"

"what's up"

"what should you do, when an ex-girlfriend sends a halfnaked picture to the ex-boyfriend, and the ex-gilfriend already has a hubby?"

"the guy with the picture, is he your BF?"

"no" (coz I totally expected what he's going to say,"break up with him")

(after few exchange of words)

"the hubby is my friend"

"a warning may be good, you really aren't in the picture to meddle with the situation because marriage is at stake here"

(and more exchange of words)

"okay.. fine... I will tell you the truth on how I am really related with these people. I did not tell you at first because I know you will be biased. But the thing is I really don't know the hubby and you were right, the guy with the picture is my boyfriend".

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"IF YOU DID TELL ME THAT HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A DIRECT ANSWER"

"I WOULD DESTROY HER"

This coming from a friend whom I know who always advices me to leave the guy whoever is hurting me.

Now I was even more confused.

"but that isn't the mature thing to do, right?"

Later on, I checked my blog..
and for the first time I was jam packed with comments.

I read different perspectives from different people.

Some biased, some positive, some negative. And yet, these readers doesn't really KNOW the ENTIRE story.

But a glimpse was enough to contribute opinions. (and I want my readers to know I greatly appreciated your voices!! <3)

Because of my COMMENTERS.

It made me realized....

More than revenge, what I really want is assurance.

assurance that this will not happen again.

And I will get that, by trusting my boyfriend again. But that would be hard right?... To trust someone again wholeheartedly without a single doubt?

Worst, we are in a LDR. It's not as if I would know what he is up to, 24/7.

He can multi-task.

Assurance.

So did I send the "Draft" to the husband?

That was really a draft for revenge....

So what did I really do....

I just messaged him.

Said lesser words...

I said, that I know that his wife and my boyfriend are good friends.

But I just wanted him to know that, I just told my boyfriend that I don't want him to be friends with her anymore. And he, as the girl's husband, is the only next person who can give me that assurance that they will not be friends anymore.

Whatever my reasons are... I will just keep it to my self.

I hope you understand. Thanks.

BUT AS SO YOU KNOW. I STILL WANT TO DESTROY HERRRRR!!!!! =P

war freak... war freakkk... war freakk.. i know....

"you are a terrorist" - boyfriend.

"that's why you don't mess with me" :)

126. Fuck You Friday!

2010-09-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

I SO TOTALLY NEED BITCHES RIGHT NOWWWW!!!!!

GATHER AROUND BITCHES!! MY WAR FREAK MODE IS STILL ON!

my fuck you friday rants are linked below:

S-L-U-T ALERT!! WAR FREAK MODE ON!

Operation Revenge of a Silent Bitch

125, operation REVENGE of a silent bitch

2010-09-29T18:50:00.001-07:00

contradictory to the old saying... ~~(Revenge is a dish best served cold)~~
Revenge is SWEET when served HOT.

The old saying suggests that if someone does something bad to us, it is better to pay them back later in time, not immediately. Vengeance may be more satisfying if it is not inflicted immediately.

But not me.. I like it HOT & FRESH.
ergo, revenge that is inflicted immediately.

Revenge is SWEET when served HOT.

Besides, if I wait on a later date.. people will just accuse me of "not getting over" with it.

Why am I so vengeful you ask? Refer to this.

In fact, I'm already too late because I just discovered this NOW. She even dares to defend herself that it happened a long time ago and the picture was already months old (is 4 months really a long time ago??)

I guess it's not that hot anymore... my revenge is already warm BUT STILL IT TASTES SO SWEET!

My image may look like a nice quiet ignorant and gullible girl.
But as they say.. "Beware the fury of a patient man"

The war has begun.

My boyfriend continued to explain, the stories that the common friend had told. (common friend of slut and I).

He was so furious on that common friend trying to confuse the stories.

I told him, "You shouldn't be mad at my friend. Be mad at your slut! Those stories CAME FROM HER"

I know my boyfriend made a mistake. They both did. But still he's my boyfriend and she's a slut. So my anger is mostly on the girl.

How can that girl really think that my boyfriend likes her? or STILL DO?

When the fact that during the time when I haven't even met my boyfriend, THAT girl stood only as a "booty" call. He never took her seriously. And that slut is such a fool to even fall for my boyfriend again, and again, and again.

Fool her once, it's his fault. Fool her twice, thrice or even more.. then who's fault is it?

The way that the "common friend" (she's really closer to that slut, i was just an old friend back in elementary), and the "slut" made it look like was that my boyfriend still likes HER and wants HER back.

Seriously? You really FEEL THAT WAY?

My boyfriend's big mistake was sending the wrong signals. He would flirt and say words that would sound believable but he's just playing. Oh common! He had done this to her ages ago.. TWICE! Haven't the slut read the "pattern" ???

My boyfriend could be an asshole this time for making the girl feel that he likes her. I've been there before, boys making me feel they like me. But I've learned my lesson the FIRST TIME and the ONLY time that happened. Whenever guys would flirt with me through words, I flirted back. But there was entirely no meaning put into it.

But to the slut? ohhhh common. you are so overwhelmed. You think you are really that sexy??

real picture of her

You have the words SLUT written all over your face!

OKAY their reason for the picture is, my boyfriend told me that they were talking about how the slut lost weight after giving birth. My boyfriend did not believe her that she would lose weight because she already looked like a haggard old woman. So she decided to send a picture to prove herself right.

According to the slut, same story only it was my boyfriend who kept on nagging her to send a bikini picture. (that's a bikini??? it totally looks like a bra and panty to me)

Bottom line... it was still HER CHOICE to send a picture or not.

Bottom line... if you wanted to show a picture just to prove how you have lost "weight" after giving birth, DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEND A HALF NAKED PICTURE OF YOU AND POSE LIKE A HOE?

I did not know that babies grew in the boobs...

No wonder she had to show her bra....

As for my revenge.. it's a long story to post it here....though if you are really interested with the whole story just tell me... =)

124. S-L-U-T alert!! War freak mode ON!

2010-09-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

You say Imma bitch like it's a bad thing...

My boyfriend and I haven't been in good terms for the past few days. Partly because he's been replying less and every time he did message me I would start a fight because he thinks he's off the hook that easy. I admit I can be demanding when it comes to "hey I'm bored! drop everything and pay attention to me" kind of issue.

It came to the point that I threatened him that he will regret pissing me off.

He thought I was bluffing.

*baym*

He got disconnected on his yahoo messenger because I hacked into his account.

I've told him before I could easily guess his passwords and how to reset them. I guess he trusted me enough not to see that as a threat.

At first he was so pissed and he turned the tables around and made it look like it was my fault that we were going to fall apart.

and then I found an information.

Remember the ex-girlfriend I caught messaging my bf while we were in vegas?!?!?!?!? that slut!!! she's been emailing my boyfriend and there was this one email where she sent a picture of her in her underwear!!!!!!!!!!

THIS WAS JUST A FEW DAYS AFTER VEGAS! WHEN MY BOYFRIEND WENT BACK TO SANFRANCISCO. (vegas June 21, email June 29). I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE BITCHED THAT GIRL WHEN I GOT A CHANCE IN VEGAS. THANK GOODNESS I GUESS I HAVE A CHANCE AGAIN RIGHT NOW! AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET THIS OPPORTUNITY PASS.

Get your freak on. It's war time.

He was begging for my forgiveness.. But I couldn't just let him off the hook could I?

So I messaged my friend who is a close friend of the slut.

And I messaged the slutty girl.

War Freak Mode On.

To add it up, that slutty girl already gave birth few years back, and she just recently got married with the guy who got her pregnant.

I told my boyfriend's sisters.

I told my boyfriend's grandmother

and most especially I told my boyfriend's mother.

*yes, i triggered the mother weapon*

I am treated as part of their family so I just had to tell them about what my boyfriend has been doing. And I could even do worst.

Hmmmmmmmmm what should I do with the girl's picture in her underwear???

Want me to post it here?????!!!

hmmm better! I'll post it in my facebook!!!!

nahhh im not that cruel, I'll just share it to a few friends.....

or BEST. I'll send it to her husband! and tell him to better watch her wife's underwear because it's getting mixed up with our clothes.....

I messaged the common friend who happened to be a school mate of me and my best friend.

I may be nice. But they also know that ever since in elementary, I could be a warfreak.
and I wouldn't care if I create a scandal.

GET THE WAR FREAK MODE ON.

THIS IS WAR.

To be continued.....

YOU EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO SEND A FLABBY PICTURE OF YOURSELF!????

SHAME! SHAME

123. I never thought I would say this but, "I wanna go back home in the P.I."

2010-09-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

Since I left Manila in June, I have never felt this sad.

And I'm bursting in tears silently so my parents won't notice how broken my heart is right now.

My sister and my nephew already left and flew last night back to the Philippines. Even though they were only here for two weeks, my stay in the United states will never be the same again.

Although I will see them in 2 months again,shopping in Ross, Marshals, Nordstrom Rack, 99cents, Best Buy and Toys R Us will never be the same again. I miss my annoying nephew grabbing random shoes and saying my name again and again without stopping until I notice him and telling me "how about this?".

Although my sister and nephew can get to my nerves, it feels so lonely here in the house. I will miss my sister asking me for my phone and people I don't know leaving voice mails for my sister. I will miss my nephew asking me to use my computer to play Call of Duty.

Although the house was a real mess when they were around, I will miss the joy that the mess constitutes saying that "there's too many things going on in here".

Although my parents decided to stay longer here in the US to be with me until I go back home in Manila, (I'm not really sure if I should rejoice about the idea because aren't one of the reasons I left was to be away from them? lol), I will miss going out with the whole family which we really don't do back home.

Although I am used to being literally alone everyday for the past 3 months, I will miss the noise that my sister and my nephew had established here in the house when they were here.

Getting used to how things are going to be from now on, is just the easy part.

It's the transition of changes that makes moving on a tough one.

What's making it worst are my parents, with every moment and every movement not failing to mention, "If the grandchild was here...."

People. Coming and Going. Leaving. Saying Good Bye.

Life is like that. Everything's going fine and people come into our lives changing everything. Then at one point, they leaves us whether by death or by travel.

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST STAY

But we know that doesn't happen. We too are leavers at some point in our lives.

Just as it took my dad 2 years before he finally bought me a ticket to go here in the United States alone.

These past 2 weeks have made me realize that maybe it's not yet the time to leave my family and my home in Manila. Maybe I still need to live under my dad's roof for a few more years. Maybe because I need to spend time with them a little more before I make any further changes. But I will never regret that I had come here in the first place. I have learned so many things being alone in a different country.

As my dad always says, "Que Sera Sera". The future will be, will be.

And then a package arrives.... it's for my sister.

I MISS YOU ANNOYING NEPHEW AND IRRITATING SISTER.

MY GAP YEAR WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

I made a Time Capsule for my Nephew when we he goes back in the states again.

"Goodbye Los Angeles! Don't Panic! I will be back!" from the words of my 7 year old nephew =)

122. good byes

2010-09-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

We all knew this day was going to happen and this day was going to arrive so soon.

Even my 7-year old nephew was trying to contemplate the fact that he was going back home to Manila already. I bet he couldn't believe it too. There's no excitement of going back home when you don't have anyone to go back to anyway. Because the my parents and me are still staying here in the states for another two months.

Last night, I caught my nephew lying on the bed, spaced out and surprisingly his attention was off his PSP. You wouldn't notice what's going on because he is quiet. But the fact he IS quiet means to me that something IS going on.

So I asked him, "what are you thinking"

"Nothing", he said.

But then I whispered to him that he can tell it to me.

"I want to stay here in America", he finally admitted to me.

It's not surprising, but for a seven year old to feel these kind of emotions, is also heart-breaking for me.

In the airport... we accompanied my sister and my nephew during their check in. It is different here in the United States because they are more lenient. Back in Manila, the only people who can go inside the airport are the people who either works there or is a passenger.

We lingered for a few more minutes before they went to the boarding area. My dad says he wanted to wait for the crew, but I think he's actually delaying. He does that. Even he doesn't admit it, he still wants to spend more time together.

But when those few minutes were up. My sister and nephew had to say their good byes.

I was holding back my tears.

And I watched their back as both of them walked towards their gate.

Ever since I started venturing on a Long Distance Relationship Love Affair, I am traumatized by goodbyes.

And yet, this is just the beginning.

In my life of loving to travel, I know I will still face more good-byes.

I hope in time I get used to it, because these tight chests are very heavy to bring with.

118. a surprise visit from someone in san francisco

2010-09-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

“Where R U now?” flashed on my cell phone. I could tell it was him. He was checking in from the far side of downtown, in hopes of catching me with some free time. “Still at home,” I texted back. “Thinking of u.” Then, just for effect, I added a smiley wink. I waited for a long moment to see if he’d respond. After a few minutes, his reply winked back:

“Dying to see u.”

It had been that way for far too long. Both of us had impossible schedules that made seeing each other difficult – especially now that my family came for a visit here in L.A. Even though we’ve spent glorious moments together when I was in San Francisco, the truth is that we never shared enough of those moments and both of us were aching for more. Clearly, the way things were working just wasn’t working out.

I typed back a response I hoped would pique his interest: “U have time now?”.
I had a good idea what his response probably would be. “4 wat? ; ) Where?” he replied.

I smiled, dying a little inside at the thought of seeing his fabulous ass again, filling out his thongs in just the right places. I could feel myself revved up with visions of his gorgeous brown eyes gazing into my own. I knew I had to get a hold of myself.

“Starbucks,” I typed. “The 1 near u.” I could tell he would be confused by that. He preferred bonding in private apartments to lattes in public places. We usually meet at his place or mine’s. By suggesting Starbucks, I knew his curiosity would get the better of him. It worked:

“OK. C U in 15 min.” I texted one last message: “Txt me when U get there,” then grinned as I snapped my phone shut. I headed toward the coffee shop, my mind already whirling with images of his glorious ass that would be mine for the taking.

He arrived at the coffee shop and pulled out his phone and began to text.

“Where R U?” It only took a second for my answer to flash back: “Walk 2 the bathroom. Knock 3 times! ;D”

He couldn’t believe what he was about to do. He was so private. So high class. And now he was walking toward a rest room in a Starbucks about to do who-knows-what! “This can’t be happening,” he thought to himself. Yet with each step, he felt himself getting more excited. More tense.

More hard.

Approaching the rest room door, he knocked three times. The door opened a bit. Recognizing my sweet, smiling brown eyes, he moved toward the door, only to feel a strong hand grab his arm, quickly pull him inside and lock the door behind him.

It wasn’t me.

It was a me he’d never seen before. Standing before him in my underwear, I had the look of a tiger ready to pounce. As I moved toward him slowly, he felt himself getting more excited and harder at the same time. Our eyes locked as they moved closer to each other.

“We don’t have much time,” I whispered, drawing closer to him, kissing his neck. “And this isn’t exactly the best time or place….” he softly spoke, breathing in my intoxicating raspberry scent. Slipping his warm, large hands under my panties, he began kissing my hot, delicious mouth. He was beginning to grind into me, licking my ears and stroking my legs until I began to softly moan with erotic pleasure.

As our tongues intertwined, I reached down into his pants and grabbed his cock. It was rock hard and straight up – ready to pound me exactly the way I wanted it. This was no regular sex. This was rougher – and I was hot, wet and ready. As his hands drew them down my long, taut legs, I kicked my soaking panties to the floor, leaving my honey hole open and inviting. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him even harder.

He needed no encouragement. He was in full animal mode, his pants dropped to his ankles; his cock at full attention. Grabbing my ass with both hands, he lifted me and pushed me up against the bathroom wall. Lifting me up, he violently licked and sucked each of my nipples, taking as much of each tit in his mouth as he could.

I was on fire. Reaching down, I guided his hard, stiff cock into my warm, waiting pussy, now so wet that I could hear the gushing of its juices as his entry split me apart. He began heaving and thrusting, shallow at first, then deeper and deeper. To him, I felt softer and sexier than ever before. He’d never felt this powerful or strong, pumping me harder and harder, ramming me against the wall until I began moaning louder and louder.

As I felt I was completely filled with his hard cock, I began bucking my clit up against his taut, thrusting body. Harder and faster, we began to move in perfect rhythm. In and out. Up and down. Faster and faster until we both reached a frenzied pitch. We were out of control now, locked in passion in a public place where anyone could catch us.

Slamming into me again and again, he slowly pulled back and stared once more into my wide-open brown eyes. I knew what that look meant: “We’re both going to come at the same time…and that time…is…NOW!”

Thrusting at maximum speed, he unleashed a steady stream of cum, overflowing my pussy and dripping on to the floor, sending me into a spectacular, fiery orgasmic passion that left me shaken to my core.

We both fell silent, recovering from the passion, listening for customers on the other side of the door. There were none. We were safe. We were alone.

We were in love.

This post was just merely for your entertainment while I have pending drafts due to a busy schedule with the family vacation. I'm sorry to dissappoint you but none of these events actually happened (how I wish though!). This is another story I got from hoochy mail*.=)

Hoochy Mail. "HoochyMail is the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling, explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!" -hootchymail.com

On the other hand, my family being here in L.A. is true. You can check out what I have posted here.

114. disney's animation academy (family vacation day 11)

2010-09-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

i have been busy.

ever since we attended one of the Disney's animation academy in california adventure.

I GOT HOOKED.

probably because i'm an animator myself.

WELL.. i WAS...

you know...

ART CLUB. lol.... (in my early elementary years)

and then eventually on the latter part of my elementary years I became the president of the
"young animator's club" (which was basically based on influencing my clubmates to vote for me and not really based from talent)

... and when I was in senior high school my elective was on Visual Arts.

pshhhhhh!!!!!.. i was NOTHING compared to my classmates' projects who ended up getting into the careers such as photography, multi-media, architecture, fashion design, advertising, and interior designing. (see the trend)

I.... on the other hand ended up getting into PSYCHOLOGY.

No matter how many artistic paraphernalia I had growing up (chalks, cray-pas, crayolas, colored pencils, water color, brushes, fabric paint, acrylic paint, poster paint, sketch books, colored pens), I guess my interest in the arts will always remain as a hobby and not enough to go into a career. (Believe me... if you were my visual arts class, you will also agree.. haha)...

I remember creating a diorama of a house, and my furniture was not scaled well enough with each other. I had small doors but big chairs. Basically, that class was just a way of catharsis for me. I had a very gifted teacher who actually got an offer from DISNEY years back. But because he married early, and had kids... he unfortunately had to turn down the opportunity. With that said, I tell you he is THAT good.

THIS WAS CAPTURED IN CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE ANIMATION ACADEMY

Going back to Animation Academy. She taught us how to sketch Donald Duck. Did you know that Donald Duck is the Disney character who appears the most in all Disney movies??? Yes, more times than Mickey Mouse! What an odd fact! :)

NO ERASING WAS DONE IN THE PROCESS

That session of drawing Donald Duck, triggered me on going back to drawing again.

I grabbed more of those sketch papers and then
when I went home I googled myself a tutorial for drawing disney characters.

That made me busy from the blogosphere.

But mind you... my absence was worth it.

And now I release it to the blogging world.

I still have the artist in me after all =)

110. disneyland spooktacular (family vacation day 7)

2010-09-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

Walt Disney, you are a fucking G-E-N-I-U-S!

HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!!!

I fucking LOVE Disneyland. I will never grow old with it. I just want to go wild!!!!!!! I'm a Big Disney Princess fan that even my Debutant gowns were based exactly from the classic Disney Princess dresses.

Last July, I already went to Disneyland with my cousins. As I've mentioned I'm definitely going back there with my family, and so we did. (That's why I've been absent on the blogosphere, theme parks galore)

So anyway, I finally have the perfect scene to test my panorama feature of the new camera my dad bought for me. (panorama feature combines 2-3 pictures horizontally for wide scenes or subjects)

Awesome right?

it's so cool. that you must have unnoticed that this picture actually spells "CA II F R N" ... instead of CALIFORNIA. LOL

My camera automatically combines 3 different shots so I can capture wide scenery.

I bet you didn't notice the cloned man in this picture too. SEE?

Where the fuck did the letter O go?

And after few tries.. I finally was able to get a good estimation and was able to capture the whole word without any letters missing.

You don't have to go all the way back just to capture the whole "CALIFORNIA". You wouldn't even notice that this was three different shots combined together. If you look at the entire picture, you would even realize that the floor seems to wiggle and that the "California" seems to be in an arch form. It's not some sort of illusion, my shots were just not straight enough. lol. I need to practice more on my panorama shots.

But hey it was cool!

Moving on. Disneyland was cool. (uh... DUH!!!!) but even cooler because Holloween is just around the corner and we were greeted with this:

and these:

it's just soooo cool!!!!!! I've never been to Disneyland during fall, that's why I'm so overwhelmed.

When we were off to go ride the Haunted Mansion, there was a LONG EFFIN' LINE! ... and we suspected that it was because of the season. Seems like they modified the ride just for holloween.

The decorations were just, fuck. So awesome.
I wonder how long they had to close Disneyland just to pull this out!

During the long wait in the line, I sneaked out because I saw this guy.

Jack! from the "The Nightmare before Christmas".

And as suspected, they did make changes with the ride and everything :)
I am fucking lost for words. The pictures says it all.

My sister has more pictures on her SLR, I will make another post for those pictures once I get a copy of more awesome Disneyland shots. But for now. I have this:

Nothing THAT special, but Peter Pan looks like Zac Efron. and I heart Zac Efron. lol... hahaha

109. new things (family vacation day 6)

2010-09-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

My dad woke me up this morning and asked me if I wanted to go with him and my grandpa to buy a fax machine (a fax machine is the only thing that my grandparents can manage to operate, aside from an electronic typewriter). He said that they were also going to pass by Walmart and that made me get out of bed. I wanted to check how much my Wii accesories are at Walmart (can you just notice that I've been mentioning Wii every day.

So I went out with them, without taking a shower.

It was a good decision because I ended up coming home with a new digital camera.

When we got back home, I quickly took a shower because my mom and sister and some other people were eating out at a Japanese Buffet Restaurant. THANK GOD FOR JAPENESE FOOD. I LOVE YOU!

Later that day we went to Toys R Us and as usual I went to the electronics section to check out their wii accesories. When I get a Wii Fit Plus, I definitely need to get myself a Wii Board Rechargeable Battery pack right? lol.

and my newphew got Woody from Toy Story 3.

They were supposed to buy a Buzz Lightyear too. Well, my sister DID buy the Buzz Lightyear but I told my nephew that we didn't buy it so that the Buzz Lightyear will be his Christmas present.

He got a little dissapointed when he found out we weren't getting Buzz.

But hey, we don't want to spoil the kid right? lol.

Woody is enough for now. He's cool.

I told my nephew to put his name under Woody's boot so that he won't try to run away at night.
I'm thinking of getting myself a Jessie... hihi.

I have to say, I'm still under going my childhood regression since the other day.

My nephew bought more play-doh and now we can make more puppies in a variety of colors.

oh hello there cute pink puppy

my nephew made the purple one

My mom said that keeping the Buzz Lightyear toy for Christmas would be too long for the wait. So my sister just decided to pack Buzz inside the balikbayan box without my nephew knowing and she'll make it look as if Buzz sneaked in to go back home with them.

108. universal studios (family vacation day 5)

2010-09-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

We caught a filming of C.S.I (Crime Scene Investigation)

Well, haha. Just kidding... those are just random pictures during the Studio Tour when we also went to see the new King Kong in 4D.

Also in the tour, we saw the fake dead shark from the "Jaws" movie.

Mr. Potato Head's house.

An Airplane crash scene.

And this miniature diorama of a boat.

Isn't it cool that the picture looks like a real scenery with a real ship?

But I think my pillow is even bigger than that.

See how fake the diorama is when you compare it to the real sky?

So we also went to see the special effects which was way even cooler than the last time I went to Universal Studios which was 10 years ago. (of course things would change)

They compared how "old" movies created special effects (or as refferred to as the "Classic" movies) and how modern technology has made special effects easier and more realistic.

CHUCKI I HATE YOU!!!! FREAKY EVIL DOLL!!!!!!

This was cool cause they were making the guy look like he's on the moon

who the hell would smile while her arm is being sliced?

My favorite part was when they showed a clip from the series "HEROES" because I love that show! and I couldn't believe my eyes that it was all filmed inside a studio!!!!!! When Hiro transports to different cities like New York, I would suspect they actually did it on the streets but it was all green screen!!!!!!! w-t-f!

these photos are taken here.

UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING!!

I LOVE YOU HIRO NAKAMURA!!

We also watched a Shrek 4D, which I did not enjoy much probably because (as I've mentioned when I watched Shrek Forever After) I really think all Shrek story lines are not that amazing.

shrek you are so ugly. i do not like you.

the photo of Gingy taken here

The Animal Actors were cool too, though I found the show short.

But my nephew on the other hand, enjoyed watching the Water Works! because we were in the ~~Wet~~ Soak Zone. We were all literally soaking, thanks to the man who intentionally threw a pail of water to the audience. And thanks to the guy in the jet ski who swooshed right in front of us.

Other than that...

My day was completed because I was able to see my favorite Actress when I was a kid.

But she was in her car.

Next time we come back to Universal Studios, I wish I could see her just walking around so I can take a picture with her. I remember when I was a kid I have a picture with her skirt flying and then she gave me a lip stamp on my wrist and also wrote a dot beside it as her mole.

I love you Marilyn Monroe! (I still hate you chucki and shrek)

107. my first guest posting

2010-09-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

I've been out the whole day (trying to have a life outside) and I wasn't able to mention the guest post I made for my dear blogger friend Jumble Mash :)

It's not much. and I don't know how it helps or affect any reader.

But the link is here. And I'm grateful for Jumble Mash for giving me the opportunity :)

The day has not yet officially ended here in pacific time, and I hope it's not too late to check it out!

106. Time Traveler's Wife

2010-09-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

Watching The Time Traveler's Wife, was just as similar to being in a Long Distance Relationship.

We both have to deal with every-now-and-then good byes.

Only time traveling was a bit more magical.

At the beginning of their marriage, all I could think about was WOW, how brave and very understandable the Time Traveler's wife really was. Her husband would disappear and be unavailable to the most important events in their couple's lives. But as every women would feel, the absence of our true love would eventually go against our emotional needs.

Being a time traveler's wife nor a simple traveler's wife is a very difficult situation to be in.

(unless of course he takes you with him =))

We feel the utmost excitement when we see each other again, but then we always face ourselves with the same pain whenever we say our goodbyes. Sometimes, I feel that while I am in a Long Distance Relationship, I'd rather not see my boyfriend in between. Because I know that when we see each other anytime soon, we would have to say our goodbyes all over again.

But if I were a time traveler... I would travel back to those times when we were in Manila and we would see each other every single day. If I were a time traveler, I would travel to the future where we finally get to be together. A future where this long distance love affair is over.

In the movie, the time traveler had a gift. But with his gift, he also had to face tough consequences of knowing what his future is destined for him. Death. I know every one of us will eventually end to that point in our lives. But knowing or even having a thought of when & how you die is freaky, right? Especially when you know it IS going to happen. If you knew, would you try to make things different? Would you try to navigate events and hope that you had change the end result? To try and save yourself from dying?

From what I think, I believe that it has all been written for us.

Even though, when we have tampered with a certain situation.... I think that the course of nature will re-route itself but we will still end up with the same result. As like in a GPS, even if you make a wrong turn.. it will automatically make a new route but the same destination.

Don't you wish you could time travel? I know everyone of us would want to go back to a certain point in our past to relieve the memories again or even yearn to go back to our past in attempt to change something we wish that hadn't happened.

As for me... I don't have anything I could think about that I could change in my past.
(Aside from probably saving more and spending less)

Probably because whatever happened in the past that was not in my favor, new things have come back in return which gave reason for things that have happened.

Everything has a reason.

That's usually my compensation.

Whether I find the reason an hour later, or a week after. Or even after months and years.

I always give myself a pat at the back, console myself and tell her

"Hey girl, it will be alright. Everything happens for a reason."

105. childhood regression (family vacation day 4)

2010-09-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing today but errands and shopping for necessities.

Until we went to Target.

It wasn't really another shopping spree unlike yesterday. My dad will be here for quite awhile so there will be plenty of time and another chances to ask for another round of shopping. hihi.

My nephew and I went to the electronics part of the store (as usual checking my wii accesories).

And then we were checking out the toys section.

We enjoyed (yes including me) ... trying out the "try me" portions of every toy.

My dad and my sister did not have a hard time looking for us because they knew they would just find us in the toy section. My sister ended up buying play-doh for my nephew.

When we got home...

Everyone was busy preparing our dinner & I was busy doing this:

and this:

and also this:

*hihi* ...

and my 7-year old nephew made this:

When Clifford, the big red dog.. was still a puppy.

I can't believe play-doh can even be MORE fun when you're already older!!!

Our Litter of Play Doh Puppies

104. confessions of a shopaholic (family vacation day 3)

2010-09-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

What's a vacation without a shopping spree?

The best part when I'm with my ~~family~~ DAD, the price tags won't mean that much!

these are just a FEW of the things i bought :)

And as what all shopaholics go through with...
is the guilt you feel after.

I really feel guilty about the [cute jelly] sandals I bought.
(apart that it's the [only] item I paid with my OWN MONEY *hihi*)

i.e. because I shouldn't have spent a penny!

I feel bad because, it didn't have a price tag and when I asked the sales people about it, they have NO freaking IDEA and the manager just made a "hunch" on how much it would cost. He gave it a $25 rating!!!!!!!!! ARGH... WHY SO EXPENSIVE MR MANAGER MAN????

I know the other shoes with the same brand costs $59 - $63 and above..
but these are just flat sandals. :(

I should have looked at Nordstrom and checked what the price was at their store,
(I didn't bother looking at the price because it was a size 10 and I'm just a size 8).

ANYWAY.. MOVING ON .. *huhuhuhu* rip off! lol

I will just take a look at my new purse.

Now this was a very good deal.

$7.49.

My mom and sister likes it.

Well, it's a good thing I saw it first! haha :)

My dad was computing and double checking the receipts of our purchases.

Turns out that for all of us, 50% of the purchases was FOR ME.

Bwahahahaha :)

So... ?!?!

Whatever... I love shopping!!!! :)

103. family reunion with strangers (family vacation day 2)

2010-09-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

We had a family reunion at our relative's house.

You know those "cousins" I've been telling you I went with to Vegas and to Camping with???

Turns out that those "cousins" are really my aunt and uncles! wtf?? haha.

And now they have discovered that they are already grandparents because my sister has a kid already.

NEPHEW -> SISTER -> THEM

See the generation? ... my "cousin/uncle" who is just 20 years old is technically a grandpa.

Some of my relatives also attended the reunion and apparently they haven't met the other relatives even though they just live here in L.A. altogether. ... So weird everyone felt like strangers at first. haha.. Except for our family because we were the "guests" from the Philippines.

What's ironic is that we are from the Philippines and we know everyone, unlike my other cousins and uncles and aunt who just met each other for the first time. (even though as I said, they all live here in SoCal.)

I got to play wii fit hula-hoop and it was soo fun.

I can't wait to get my WII FIT PLUS and play it with my friends back in Manila.

My sister was laughing at me because I was making a fool in front of everyone else. But I didn't care. So what? At least I'm not *brag* *brag* *brag* like what she always do..

Nobody cares about what you're saying Big Sister. Keep your mouth shut. You are annoying.

Lol... I wish I could say that to her, but then I didn't want to embarrass her... let her just embarrass herself because of her bragging. I was just there quietly doing a hula-hoop and having fun.

The best part of the day was the desserts.

*nom* *nom* *nom*

102. Wii Fit Plus (family vacation day 1)

2010-09-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Okay so yesterday I was frantically waiting for my family to arrive in Los Angeles because I needed a life and most especially $$$ so i can buy anything I want.

The first and foremost thing we did in their first day here in California is of course, groceries.

We went to 99cents and my mom was really looking forward to it. lol.

My nephew on the other hand just wanted to grab almost everything he got his attention on.

He kept leaving my dad and straying off...
I told him he should stick to my dad, because he's the one who's paying. haha

I just wanted to go to the food aisle. cheetos!!!!

Then we went to the real grocery store. *minute maid*

I think we spent $300 all in all for the groceries.
I wasn't just sure how we gonna fit all those in our refrigerator.

For the rest of the afternoon, everyone was asleep except for me. *jet lag*

Oh, i forgot to mention... my nephew slept beside me last night.. Awww.. he missed me so much! <3

Now, the best part was when my dad woke up.

"You want to go out?"

"Sure"

Then we went to BEST BUY.

My sister said, "don't you know what best buy is?"

I said, "familiar... but what i know is some sort of a book store"

She said, "ohhh haha that's from National Bookstore [the nationwide bookstore in the Philippines], because they just have the same name"

I said, "well.. the logo is similar too" (and consider I've been staying here longer than they have)

SO.. I'm sorry for being ignorant. See I was right, Best Buy is some sort of a bookstore.

My sister ended up buying for a laptop, which my dad was going to chip in for the payment.

The first thing that came in my mind was. HUWAHHHHHT!!!!???? My dad already spent money for my sister in a day, which was MORE than what I have spent for the three months i've been here, accumulated!

*mumble* *mumble* *mumble* ...

But... then at the end of my day..

My dad goes... "Next week, we'll buy what you want"

YES!!! I GOT THE ATTENTION!! lol

Unfortunately, an Ipad is still off the list :(

But it's okay... I'm still hoping I can go to Canada [despite they denied me a visa the first time] so my uncle there would get me one.

But what I really want my dad to buy which is feaseble is THIS!

I sooo miss my wii back home!

When I get my Wii Fit Plus, I'll have fun while exercising
so the next time my boyfriend sees me again
I will be sexy-er.

Not fair, wii fit plus isn't even 1/8 price of the Laptop. So okay.

Dad. Buy me also this.

I'm so easier to please than my sister.

dad, you should consider yourself lucky.

101. anniversary

2010-09-11T08:00:00.001-07:00

Today we commemorate a very respectable event in United States History. Which was the September 11 Terrorism attack at the World Trade Center. I had an uncle who worked at the Pentagon during that time. I am grateful and thankful that he survived the incident.

This same uncle was the one whom I stayed with when I was in San Jose. Because of him, I was able to create wonderful and memorable experiences in North California. Thank you uncle! I saw in their wedding invitation a note about 9-11 day. My aunt said that, that experience was an eye-opener where life shouldn't be taken for granted. Anything can happen at any day. Anything can happen to us,... anytime. They quickly made wedding arrangements because of that.

Today. is also a memorable day for me. On personal matters.

Exactly 2 years ago, my boyfriend proposed and we were officially a couple. You can say, he was triggered by his cousin's pressure who kept asking about our status. But even so it was based from peer pressure, who knew we were going to get this far?

"It's a good excuse to put our love to use"

I love you babe! and I miss you!

HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY

100. family vacation

2010-09-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

My Family's plane just landed an hour ago.

And I'm waiting for them any second now.

My ears twitch at every car door I hear that closes.

"is it them??"

"are they here??"

SCREW YOU PEOPLE STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD

I should stop listening to closing doors and start listening for clinging keys.

dang, the only thing i hear now is that ticking tocking of my clock.

It makes my heart beat louder as if I'm watching a suspense movie.

I'm so excited.

I'm gonna get a life back.

As I've mentioned in the previous months, I don't have a driver's license here in the states.

Thus, I rely on people driving me and picking me up to go somewhere.

On most days, I am stuck at home.

And now my WHOLE family is back here in the states after a decade.

In addition to the group, my 7 year old nephew's first international flight.

(that's him with the halo, so totally not fucking true! lol)

THIS IS GOING TO BE SOME FUCKING FAMILY VACATION.

yippeeeee!!!!

Dad, please buy me an IPAD. Thank You.

99. my family pictures

2010-09-10T14:51:00.001-07:00

I've made a new badge and if you have seen what my previous blog looked like... i also removed my stupid header picture, which looked like this one:

I know... it's stupid..

And it's been up in my blog for about 2 months now. I've finally decided to just do without header pictures, unless I find a better replacement.

Going back to my new badge. I had to change my old one because I wasn't really comfortable looking at all those lines and colors on the background which was supposed to look like a map but instead looks like varicose veins to me.

See?

I know I asked you people on what you thought about my blog badge, but I'm sorry I just couldn't believe you. But thank you for those wonderful words. If you liked it, you can take it and put it up on your blog. I still preferred to make a new one.

And I came up with this:

I don't know how you like it. But I like it. It's simple. Stick people. Phone Cups. White Background. No more varicose veins and it sends the message better than putting a stupid map as a background.

I'm not gifted with drawing vector images.

So I stick with stick people.

That's me with the tiara. Because I'm really a Princess.

That's my boyfriend. He loves basketball. It's his first love.

Screw you basketball, stop getting my boyfriend's attention away from me.

98. the secret that had been untold

2010-09-10T01:26:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. I have some confession to make. You know how I've return to San Francisco last month? There's something I've been meaning to post. But now I've decided to really share in public.

My boyfriend stood at the large window, looking out at the beautiful view of the San Francisco Bay and the Golden Gate Bridge. He and I were having such a wonderful time in the City by the Bay, having arrived last Saturday from Los Angeles. We’d ridden the cable cars, gone to Fisherman's Wharf, and eaten some great meals. We also had a lot of sex. A real lot of sex. In the bed in our hotel room, in the shower in our hotel room, in front of the window of our hotel room right where he now stood. In fact, as a freshly showered me sat on the little bathroom stool drying my hair, he had crawled underneath it to skillfully lick my clit until I came. I had returned the favor by blowing him as he stood against the bathroom counter.

But then we had to get going to the main event of the trip, the wedding of one of my very best friends. He was dressed and ready to go to the ceremony - well, except for his tie that he'd need me to tie for him. "Babe, you almost ready?" He called toward the bathroom.

A moment later I opened the door, and I emerged. “You look stunning”, he said. "So what do you think of the dress?" I asked. "Well frankly, the best thing I've seen you wearing was your bra," He answered. "But this dress is a close second. It really shows off your great breasts."

He drove his Lexus through the heavy traffic toward the church. “San Francisco may not be as cosmopolitan as Manila,” he mentioned, “but people back home sure drive better.”

We arrived at the church in plenty of time. I moved off to join the other bridesmaids in attending to the bride. The wedding began late, as usual. He of course thought that I was much prettier than the bride, but at least the bride was the second best looking woman up there. Vows were exchanged, rings were exchanged, kisses were exchanged. And soon everyone had moved into the reception hall for the party.

He went straight for the bar, ordering a beer for himself and a margarita for me. I stood in the reception line, shaking hands or receiving kisses on the cheek from people I either knew a little, or not at all. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him approaching slowly, greeting the others in the wedding party. Damn he's great looking, I thought, feeling a little buzz in my clit as I flashed on a few of our sexual exploits since I came. Finally he reached me, and presented me with my Margarita. "You are so thoughtful," I said, taking a big gulp of it. Then I planted a nice long kiss on his lips. Holding him close, I whispered in his ear, "You look so hot in that tux -- even better than your thongs. You are making my pussy really wet." And then he took a big gulp of his drink.

The bride and groom moved out onto the floor for their first dance, and soon were joined by the wedding party. We held each other especially tight, my breasts pressed against his chest, our pelvises similarly joined. I ran my hand up the back of his neck and into his black hair, at the same time planting little kisses on his neck, then his earlobe. The sensations were beginning to get to him, and he felt a familiar stirring down in his groin. I felt it as well. "Um, what's happening down there?" I whispered. "You keep kissing and rubbing me like that," He said, "and it's gonna get embarrassing out here." "I'm not gonna be embarrassed," I said. "I love your nice hard cock. Just like I love your fully shaped ass. You should show the world." "There's a minister here," He replied. "Plus assorted grandparents, and children. Let's just keep my cock between us." "That sounds good, too," I said with a laugh. And then the music changed to a fast number, him and me separating to dance to it. The decreased contact and increased exertion soon had his tumescence in retreat. But watching him move around the dance floor was just making me even hotter, and my pussy even stickier.

Next came the dinner, a decent meal, but nothing special. Frankly, he would have rather had steak. I was so caught up in all the excitement, I probably wouldn't have eaten even if they had served shrimp. No matter, at least the bar was open. I returned from a trip to it, and began to make casual conversation with the others at the table. As I took my first sip of my second drink, I casually rested my free hand on his thigh. His cock began to stir. After a couple sips, that hand had moved to his upper thigh. Now his cock began to grow. And as I polished off the drink, that hand moved right into his crotch. His cock was now rock hard. He scooted in so the combination of the tablecloth and his napkin would shield what I was doing. I knew I was driving him crazy - and I loved it.

He was astounded at the way I could fondle him while still conversing with the others at the table. All he could manage was the occasional "uh-huh" or "hmm," since his concentration was certainly not at its best. His cock was pressed up against my hand, twitching as I alternately grasped it and released. He just picked at his dessert, a strawberry something or other.

The band returned from its break, and began to play a hip-hop song. The other couples at the table got up to dance. "Um, did you want to dance too?" he asked me. "Actually, I wanna fuck," I replied. "Great," he said, deadpan. "You wanna lay down on the table, or you gonna sit on my lap?" I just smiled, and took him by the hand. I led him away from the table - him keeping his jacket pulled in front of his crotch - and out the door of the reception hall.

We passed a few people out in the lobby area, older relatives mostly, who all smiled and said hello to the bridesmaid. I led him down a hallway, but it ended at the kitchen - that wouldn't do. We backtracked, then went down another hallway, which made a sharp turn, then led to a closet door. I jiggled the handle. Locked. "I guess this is gonna have to do," I said to him. "Right here, right now?" He said, doubtfully.

I backed up against the door, and slowly began to pull up my dress. I slid the red taffeta higher and higher, revealing my shins, then my knees, then my thighs, then finally the small triangle of fabric that covered my pussy. With my left hand holding up my skirt, I used my right to push that fabric aside, and reveal my wet, swollen pussy to him. I plunged my middle finger deep into myself, then dragged it up through my slit, resting it beside my clit. I waited a moment for him to look up from the sensuous view he was enjoying, and into my beautiful brown eyes. "Does that answer your question?" I asked.

He quickly began to unbutton his pants, then pulled down his zipper. His hard cock was out in no time. I, reaching for it, and pulling him up against me. Holding tight, I began to pump him in long, twisting strokes. He reached through the collection of cool taffeta, and found my exposed pussy, his two middle fingers instantly and easily plunging deep into me. He pulled up against my pubic bone, on my g-spot, a shiver of pleasure going through me. Removing those fingers, he slid them up to surround my clit, vibrating them ever so softly around my love button. I let out a loan moan, then mashed my mouth against his, our tongues playfully exploring each other's mouths.

While still kissing, I maneuvered his cock toward myself, and positioned the head of it right against my pussy. He could feel my warm wetness. Then I began to move his cock up and down my slit, the head sliding easily in my slickness, my pussy twitching every time it made contact with my clit. Then I broke the kiss, and looked deep into his brown eyes. I placed the head of his cock back at my opening, now even wetter. Simultaneously, we each pushed forward, and in an instant he was deep inside me. A satisfied "ahhh" emanated from us both. I released my dress, and wrapped both my arms around his neck. Then I wrapped my legs around his waist, and just held on tight as we began to hump each other for all we were worth.

I felt like he had never been deeper inside me. He loved pulling back, and then slowly plunging into me, his cock sliding past the edge of the panties I still wore, then pushing into my warm, soft flesh. Being totally supported by my man made me feel like I was floating on a cloud. A cloud of passion, as each thrust seemed to split me apart. Grinding together was putting plenty of friction on my clit, and waves of pleasure were radiating up through my torso, and down through my thighs. The tension was building in me, my moans were getting deeper and louder. "Come on baby, I'm almost there," I almost groaned. He needed no more encouragement. He picked up the pace, stroking faster, and harder. And even deeper. Now he was breathing hard, a sheen of sweat on his face.

My pussy began to involuntarily twitch, grasping his cock with every stroke. My clit was buzzing, as it was stretched and pulled by our movements, and rubbed by his coarse pubic hair. His cock began to twitch now as well - he knew he was so close, but wanted to hold off just a tad longer. Until he knew I was coming. And then, when he heard that high pitched little "ehhh" I always let out, he knew. He could let it go. Because I was past the point of no return. My moans were now our loudest, and deepest, as the tension flooded from my clit and pussy and built up throughout my entire torso. He felt the come mass in his cock, and the tension spread into his torso and back. And then, with a simultaneous "aaaahhhhh" we both exploded, that tension releasing into wave after wave of pleasure. He shot load after load of come into me, my pussy greedily clutching and releasing his cock, again and again as I was overcome with warmth and tranquility. He was drained, and had to press me even more firmly against the door to keep us both upright. I just wrapped my legs around him more tightly, loving the feel of him deep inside me.

We both smiled at each other, and kissed deeply. This had been quite a visit, topped off with an incredible memory from the wedding. But we weren't the only ones taking home a memory, as we realized when we heard a rustle nearby. Glancing over, we saw an elderly couple, the groom's grandparents, looking at US. "How come you never did something like that to me?" Grandma said, flicking her hand on grandpa's shoulder. "Gimme a break." Grandpa replied. "We fucked like dogs plenty of times." As the two shuffled off, he and I just chuckled, knowing that with the love we shared we could look forward to growing old together, just like those grandparents.

- THE END -

I'm sorry to burst the bubble guys... but that is just another one of 'em hoochy mails that I've got. lol

I still wouldn't have that much of guts to have sex in public. Although my boyfriend once tried to convince me to do it outside of my uncle's garage, heck... I'm a wuss... so NO. lol

I made minor edits on the pronouns.

"HoochyMail is the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling, explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!" -hootchymail.com

*hihi* well.. didja like that experience?

97. Blog Stalk Friday with CB

2010-09-09T21:18:00.001-07:00

This is my first time to join CB's Follow Friday. Simply because I don't think I deserve to be in her blog links because I'm not slutty enough. And my previous sweet fluffy adorable pony post doesn't help with the reputation. (but it's so fluffy i'm gonna die! lol) So I decided I'm just going to link up my "Vacation Surprise" post for those sluts and bitches who WILL come across my blog, from her follow friday thingy. AND I AGREE!! NO "I FOLLOWED PLEASE FOLLOW BACK" fucked up comments! okay!?
I might just comment on your blog with a big "WHY SHOULD I?"

long distance love affair: 86. Vacation Surprise

96. my baby pony is born!!!!

2010-09-09T14:29:00.001-07:00

i just gave birth to a pony!!!

(yeeey! *claps & cheers*)

HE'S SOOO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!

see? isn't she just preeety? =)

and i need help taking care of her whenever i'm away. please do!!

she loves visitors because they get to feed her, pet her, play with her
and do other sorts of fun things!

Doing so, helps her grow into a nice, big beautiful pony princess. =)

MEET "MY PONY"!

95. 10 things i hate about him

2010-09-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

Speaking of hate from my previous post about the opposite of love, I wrote my boyfriend a letter

and what's written in it was this: (blue comments are not part of the letter. i just want to side comment *hihi*)

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

By: me

I hate it when I go to your house that you don’t take a bath until AFTER I arrive.

(seriously it was always irritating whenever we were supposed to go someplace, he won't start moving his ass off UNTIL i was there. >:( He just loves to make me wait for him WHILE TAKING A SHOWER)

I hate it when you always use your expired license as an excuse not to drive.

(when he first came back from the US his Philippine license expired, when it's an errand or when i WANT to go somewhere, he always said "My license is expired". But when it's basketball or somewhere he would WANT to go.. that's a different story. If i don't want to go there i tell him "i thought your license is expired, he replies "that's okay. I'll show the cops my California License, they can't do anything with that". CURSES!! lol)

I hate it when you make me do all the texting for you.

(YOU LAZY YOU)

and I hate it when you make me smile when I’m supposed to be hating you.

(When I'm irritated or annoyed, he just smiles!!!! fuck. lol. And to be honest I forget why I'm annoyed in the first place... thus I don't get the chance to lecture him... thus he keeps making the same mistakes... and he smiles again. Then there goes the stupid cycle)

I really really hate it when you ALWAYS beat me at WII.

( I OWN that Wii. I SHOULD be the one winning!!!! HE beats me at ALL SPORTS from wii sports AND wii sports resort. And I get pissed!!!! haha we literally FIGHT over it. I keep telling him

"If you love me, YOU should LET me win!!" AND he still doesn't...

he goes "BUT I'm the GUY, I should ALWAYS win.)

Hate it when I go to work and you’re just home doing nothing but wait for me.

(ever since he graduated Feb 2009, he didn't look for work because he wanted to work in the states. Which DISTURB me, imagine him calling you at work, doing NOTHING but play PS3 all day. But it's okay... that's what I'm doing here in the U.S. now. lol. He works. I play. Every freaking day.)

I hate it when you don’t visit me at home.

(When we first started dating, my dad never knew about it. So my boyfriend never really visited me at home. He'd pick me up. Or sometimes go down the car and go inside the house, but HE'D NEVER stay more than 5 minutes "Hurry up, let's go!" he says. And I'm so used to going to his house because it's more fun there with his siblings and very hospitable family. My house is always boring because nobody really "hangs" out there. SOOO... HE ALSO got use to it.
(as soon as i wake up i always receive this text)
"Go here"- boyfriend. "NO YOU go here" - me

"I can't the cars are being used to drive Sister1 Sister2 and Brother to school"

"FINEEEEEEE I'll be there in a few minutes" -me)

And now I hate you more because I’m all alone.

I hate it that I’m here and you’re there.

(no need to explain this)

But most of all, I hate it that.... here I am, thinking of you

because that’s the best I could get from now that I’m missing you.

I’d rather be with you right now and hate you 10 times every day.

Than miss you one thousand four hundred forty.

minutes each day.

(p.s. I wrote this when we were still both in Manila, just before he went to the states. But I showed it to him when he was miles away already.)

Now we can read it again... without my side comments :)

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

By: me

I hate it when I go to your house that you don’t take a bath until AFTER I arrive.

I hate it when you always use your expired license as an excuse not to drive.

I hate it when you make me do all the texting for you.

and I hate it when you make me smile when I’m supposed to be hating you.

I really really hate it when you ALWAYS beat me at WII.

Hate it when I go to work and you’re just home doing nothing but wait for me.

I hate it when you don’t visit me at home.

And now I hate you more because I’m all alone.

I hate it that I’m here and you’re there.

But most of all, I hate it that here I am thinking of you

because that’s the best I could get from now that I’m missing you.

I’d rather be with you right now

and hate you 10 times every day.

Than miss you one thousand four hundred forty.

minutes each day.

<3 HATE THAT I LOVE YOU SO! =) <3

94. hate is not the opposite of love

2010-09-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

how is it possible to HATE and LOVE a person at the same time?

When I was in college, I learned that HATE is not the opposite of love.

Indifference was.

To feel no emotion of any kind was the opposite of love. Like when your boyfriend just cheated on you, you feel hate because you love and care for him. But hate is not the opposite.

Indifference is.

If you feel nothing for that person.
If you feel nothing despite his action, then that is the opposite of love.

Because you don't give a shit. (Thus, you don't really love him.)

And to hate a person, means you are investing an emotion.
To invest an emotion, shows that you care.

So, maybe that's the reason why we can both HATE and LOVE a person at the same time.

Thus, we have that saying "The more you hate the more you love"

ergo I HATE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH!

the scenario?

Today, I accompanied my grandparents to the doctor. To be honest I really wasn't in the mood to go out. I was so impatient because there was only one doctor in that clinic but they have made simultaneous appointments with other clients. Everyone was just SO SLOW. And I told you, I wasn't in the mood to go out. Add it up, that after the doctor's appointment we had to drop by CVS pharmacy to buy the medicines. My grandmother wanted to buy hand lotions and it took her SO goddamn long to decide which kind she wanted to buy. Later on, we ended up buying other stupid things. When we left CVS, they wanted to eat out. The chinese restaurant they wanted to eat at was 'fortunately' closed and that I suggested we just order a take-out and head home. But she had other plans to go to, Oh.. yeah... i remember.. JUST GREAT. We ate at a stupid chinese restaurant and i barely ate anything we ordered. I'm so freaking sick of eating chinese food! for freakin' sake! PLEASE! STOP! And as if the complimentary dessert was good to lift my day up, but it was NOT. Later on my grandmother wanted to stop by K-Mart. My grandfather drove passed K-Mart which made me happy. "Yes" I said to myself. "We're not going to K-Mart". Apparently we were going to WALMART. Curses!!! To buy more stupid stuff for the bathroom. Everything to prepare for my family's arrival on Friday. Fucking took so long at the bathroom stuff aisle! If it was the food aisle that might have made my day. And then later on, we went to HOME DEPOT. FUCK THIS IS KILLING ME. Why did you have to bring me along????

Okay, I'm confusing you right? ... I'm not mad at my grandma.... I still hate my boyfriend.

You know those moments that there are certain days that you are lazy... and sometimes you are not? ... Well this day was just NOT MY DAY. I feel like I just want to stare at one object and later on feel like dropping my jaw. I feel like I want to empty my mind of absolutely everything and be a vegetable for a day. I know I've felt this before. I've felt this in high school, just right after a heavy day from classes. I felt that I just wanted to sit on the bleachers and stare at the other kids playing on the court. I needed entertainment. I was JUST FUCKING BORED. and I did not feel like doing anything un-entertaining. I was so absent minded that I kept bumping my grandfather with the grocery carts that I was pushing. I kept whining inside me and whenever I was alone, I whined to myself.

"I don't want to be here!!!!!! I want to go home!!!!"

What does this story have to do with my boyfriend?

Well I told him that I wanted him to call me. I said that I was going crazy and I needed to talk.

We were just conversing using Instant Messaging and I said that I wanted to TALK ON THE PHONE.

He said that he can't and then started telling me that, I shouldn't always have to do "something". I shouldn't be always entertained. And that I should learn to relax and not do anything sometimes. And that we can't afford to always talk on the phone every single day. And that I'm just making my own problems.

Well, you can guess what happened after that. I got so frickin' pissed of course. It's not because I don't accept his reasons why he can't use the phone. But it's because he's fucking acting like he knows me so much! Well yes! I am bored and I want to be entertained. And YES it may seem that I want to talk to him every day. But why are you acting that you know me so much?? You are WRONG. I HAVE TO ALWAYS ENTERTAIN MYSELF.

I was so pissed at him, that he told me that I'm just mad because I did not get what I want

I said "If you know me so much then you wouldn't be pissing me off!"

He started explaining stuff that I did not want to care. And I just kept on replying and ending it with exclamation points. He wanted to point out the way that I react. As proven by the "!!!!!". And it still didn't bother me. I did not care if I was reacting immaturely. I HATE HIM.

"You DON'T know me, because you don't know what makes me happy."

He replied, "I do know you and what will make you happy. You want me to call, so that you have someone to talk to you and comfort you".

I was so fucking pissed already. I should have said. "IF YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT!" I want to be spoiled! you idiot. (I didn't say that, because I just thought about that now as I write this post.)

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO pisssed!!!!!! ... I think this is my first rant post.

My boyfriend said that he will call me first thing in the morning when he arrives his office. I just got pissed even more. I told him he just doesn't get it! He always calls at the wrong time! and not at the time that I really want to talk to him! .... I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the other hand.... our argument did entertain me for the rest of the night while me and my grandparents were out. And I can't believe that my boyfriend was still calm and saying that he loves me so much and we need to avoid on making little disappointment become big disagreements. I don't care. I still hate him. AND YES. I AM PISSED BECAUSE I DID NOT GET WHAT I WANT.

God I need a social life.

I need someone to talk to besides him.

93. bad dream

2010-09-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

i had a bad dream

i can't remember the details.

but i can recall glimpses

i dreamed that my boyfriend had forgotten me

well... in my dream i was too busy for the past few days, not to notice that he had forgotten.

i felt that it was already 5 days and i haven't heard from him

you know how dreams are when they feel so real.

i know my boyfriend.

that when a whole day had almost passed and i haven't messaged him.

he starts calling me at the end of the day.

he's so used for me bugging him that when a day passes that he doesn't hear from me,

he starts wondering what must have I been doing that I haven't bugged him all day.

i had a bad dream.

i guess i could blame Amy's blog post*.

your story just got into me.

more so i think it haunted me in my sleep

my boyfriend and I's relationship is turning 2nd year this Saturday, September 11.

we're not spending our anniversary together this year.

and our long distance relationship is just starting.

i would probably have to wait a year or a max of 2 years before this long distance relationship ends

a lot could happen between those 2 years right?

i had a bad dream.

And I am certain my dream was even worst than that.

In my dream, when I finally was able to talk to him after those 5 days.

A lot of things had already happened.

i had bad dream.

i told my boyfriend about it.

he said, "what are you talking about, i was replying"

i said that was a dream.

i told him he didn't talk to me for 5 days.

he said "i replied"

Now I'm confused! What that a dream or not?

Five days of no communication is long. How could I let that happen!

But I was certain he replied yesterday.

Wait. Why the hell have I been referring to him as my boyfriend? ....
What was the purpose of playing hard to get?

*Amy from My LaLa Land (she has 2 blogs, that's her old one)

92. back from camp

2010-09-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

As a reply from my last post, Thank you for those who visited my boyfriend's blog while I was away. He's been bragging about how he has collected so many flags already, more so bragging about a comment that Zabrinah from "how not to fall in love..." had left on his blog. Thank you Zabrinah!!! :P

Also thank you to Princess Beks from "The Princess Diaries", for being my boyfriend's first and only follower. You have no idea how he bragged about it. LOL.

So BTW, I'm Back from Camp! Last Friday, September 3, my cousins and I went to San Diego for some labor day weekend camping. **SMORES!!!** We went to the beach, Saturday, September 4. And on Sunday, September 6, we went Kayaking which was a not so feel-good experience for me.

And today, I'm back in L.A.

Ahhhh my bed. I've missed you so. I've been sleeping in an aero bed for the past few days and it did not feel very comfortable if you had to wake up in the middle of the night pumping it every once in a while because it apparently has a hole.

Home Sweet Home. And on Friday, My favorite bratty nephew is going to be here with me!!!!!!! FUN. FUN. FUN. and EXCITEMENT. =)

91. scariest experience in my life

2010-09-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

CAMP DAY 3

Today, I had the scariest experience I've ever experienced in my life.

Forgive me, I'm not much of a dare-devil. Canoeing was the scariest experience of my life.

I barely enjoyed the scenery due to the fact of fear that the kayak might tip over anytime soon.

I don't know what was wrong with me. I mean.

I have experienced doing other water sports before, like Banana Boat.

picture taken in Boracay, Philippines

And Flying fish

picture taken in Boracay, Philippines

And these floating devices DID tip over while we were on them.

But on the kayak today, I have never felt so much fear in me. SERIOUSLY. Maybe because the life jacket that I had didn't really feel so secure? It wasn't even a jacket. It was like a baby-bib life saver that you just slip on your neck. Or maybe, because back when I rode the banana boat or the flying fish, I had my boyfriend with me. I knew that I was safe. and if the boat did tip over, I knew someone was going to pull me up back to save me.

*huhu* ... that was really scary.

I guess, I've now come to a conclusion that I should stick to playing Wii Sports Resort instead.

But I've realized.... when we live with too much fear inside of us....

we don't get to enjoy the scenery in this journey of our life.
... and most of the time, we don't always have security in what we venture on.

that's where we get the opportunity to face our fears. that's when we learn to be BRAVE.

90. if there's something i miss in the P.I.

2010-09-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

CAMP DAY 2

Cool Breezes. Burning Sand. Freezing Water. What is wrong with you bitches.

Redondo beach, Long beach, Sta. Cruz Beach, La Jolla Beach, I can't imagine myself swimming and having fun there.Well I shouldn't be expecting much, right. This isn't really a "tropical" country.

We went to the beach today.

I barely could enjoy the beach because the wind was too cold and the sand was burning my feet. Also to mention, that the bay water was even colder than my bottled water. However, the sight was pretty good and people seemed to enjoy it. Maybe, that's because they haven't really been to the Philippine Islands.

If there's something I miss in the Philippine Islands, that would be snorkeling, the corals, the pearls, the shells and the fishes.

Subic, Palawan, Mindoro, Cebu, Batangas, Pagudpod, Laoag, Boracay.

I'll just sit here and enjoy the scenery. I'll go to the beach, when I'm back home in the Philippines. I'm going to set aside $200 from my pocket money here, so I can definitely go back to Boracay in Summer 2011. I can't wait to go back to Boracay with my friends. That's the least I could do because I haven't really joined them in ANY of the Boracay summer trips they've planned since college. And include the fact that I need to catch up because I've missed out on so many outings since I went here in the states =).

TAKE ME TO THE PHILIPPINES

89. campland at the bay

2010-09-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

CAMP DAY 1: I'm back in San Diego.

Believe it or not, this is my first camping trip. Camping for leisure purposes is not very common in the Philippines. I don't even think there is even a site for camping back there. And no, I wasn't a girl scout back in school so I've never tried any form of camping at all. My dad doesn't even allow me to join those over night events in school.

So bottom line, I am very happy that I get to have this experience.

Veggie Ka-bob for my Vegan cousin.

Oooohh... I've always wanted to do this.

i'm an amateur at this

hello loser >:(

88. goin' camping

2010-09-03T02:19:00.001-07:00

I'll be postponing my posts for now!

because I will be goin' camping in San Diego for the weekend :) But you must know, September posts will be filled with more updates because my whole family will be arriving from Manila, just in time when I come back from camping.

for the mean time will you do me a favor? will you visit my boyfriend's blog and maybe become a follower or comment? ... I'm not saying his blog his promising. LOL.. but he is too proud and claims that he can have more followers than mine. I'm actually just doing this post because I pity his blog. haha. He doesn't even know what my Link is, so if he does have any followers or if people would comment he will think it's all because his blog is just "too" nice.

I'm doing this to make him feel better. (not)

I'm doing this to boost his pride and so he would blog more often. Seriously. I think you should see his posts. Tell me what you think. HAHA :). But I'm telling you, I'm not promising anything. And also while I'm gone... please feel free to read my other posts :)

JUNE

1. i miss you so much
2. can't wait to be in your arms again
3. San Francisco
4. a perfect day at the fisherman's wharf
5. all in his day's work
6. H&M and Forever 21
7. the airport. nail salon. and the beginning of a ruined vacation.
8. sex in the city 2
9. a friday night waste and full of frustration
10. a perfect day at the golden gate bridge
11. i hate sundays
12. winchester mystery mansion & a tea party
13. Vallejo
14. nba finals game 7 vs. downtown sanfrancisco
15. Los Angeles ... or is it Las Vegas?
16. you think we shouldn't have went to vegas?
17. a not so perfect visit to the Sin City
18. what happens in vegas stays in vegas
19. i left my heart in san francisco
20. humpy bumpy dumpy wednesday
21. dear future mother-in-law
22. Los Angeles
23. Long Beach
24. un-happy birthday to me
25. Redondo Beach
26. Sizzler at Los Alamitos

JULY

27. avatar: the last airbender
28. disneyland & california adventure
29. the GPS of the what generation
30. fourth of july
31. a week of hate
32. H&M and Forever 21 (again)
33. the sorcerer's apprentice
34. surrender in Las Vegas
35. fat tuesday on a saturday (Las Vegas)
36. a whole week of nowhere
37. San Diego
38. pool party and barbeque
39. despicable me
40. yummy sushi
41. inception
42. i think i'm obsessed
43. San Diego Padres vs. Florida Marlins
44. mexican candy

AUGUST

45. it's a perfect day to have a picnic by the beach
46. better than reverse psychology.
47. im not doing any psychology tricks on you. im just blogging
48. i want to eat frozen easy-to-cook food so bad please
49. farmville
50. good bye facebook
51. bringing the old school love back
52. I've finally done it!
53. My wishes came truuuue!!!
54. the responsible me starts kickin' in again and ruining everything (a quarter life crisis entry)
55. on days that I hate him
56. this is the way you left me
57. warning: you might get emotional
58. Orange County Fair
59. friday the 13th bad luck warning
60. Hello, Northern California!
61. back to the fisherman's wharf & somethin' else
62. anger management problem
63. the best thing that i got from the trip
64. the great mall
65. starting the morning right. and end it well
66. G.I. Joe & Denny's
67. you've got your family and they need you there
68. anger management
69. a perfect day at santa cruz boardwalk
70. santana row
71. Movie Marathon #1 Toy Story
72. Movie Marathon #2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid
73. Movie Marathon #3 17 Again
74. i'm leaving my heart in san francisco
75. i left my heart in san francisco
76. Movie Marathon #4 Shrek Forever After
77. Movie Marathon #5 Grown Ups
78. Movie Marathon #6 The Switch
79. Movie Marathon #7 The Kite Runner
80. sushi bar
81. WANTED: a new boyfriend
82. substance over style
83. bad girls get everything
84. playing hard to get
85. what i've been doing

SEPTEMBER

86. Vacation Surprise - ex-rated
87. Los Angeles Dodgers Vs. Philidelphia Phillies

87. Los Angeles Dodgers Vs. Philidelphia Phillies

2010-09-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

Take me out to the ball game

Take me out with the crowd

Buy me some peanuts and Crackerjack

I don't care if I never get back

Let me root, root root for the Dodgers

If they don't win it's a shame

For it's one, two, three strikes you're out

At the old ball game!

YUMMMMY!

The first thing that came in my mind when I saw who the L.A. Dodgers were playing against with, I thought of Philly Girl 'cause they were playing against the Philidelphia Phillies. ^_^ It also reminded me of Alexandra's previous post. But her team was San Francisco Giants.

To be honest... I had more fun at the San Diego Padres game . (aside from the fact I watched a night game in San Diego, thus the sun wasn't burning us, unlike today's game). Even though the Padres had an ugly mascot *hihi*

me: "where's the mascot?"

friend: "oh no... haha they don't have a mascot"

me: "really?! coz the Padres had a mascot. It was more like a friar, actually"

i feel bad for this guy, i don't know what he's called but he catches the ball (errr so he's a catcher?). Anyway, I feel bad for him because he was the one near the audience. There was this one time, he wasn't able to catch the ball that a Dodger batter hit. And the rest of the audience were like booiing and teasing him. lol. That's so embarrassing. If he was able to catch it then the booing wouldn't really make it look bad Right?

Then, there was this another chance that he caught the ball and he threw it to the audience. Unfortunately his throw was so short that it landed on the field. There went the taunting again. LOL.
At least I got entertained.

me: "I had fun at the Padres game better"

friend: "maybe because the Dodgers are losing"

me: "oh! the Padres lost too... hehe"... "but they were more interactive with the audience"

friend: "probably because the owners of the Dodgers are getting a divorce"

----- okay now that was a different conversation now :) -----

86. Vacation Surprise

2010-09-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Friends, I have something to share to you...

I stood in front of my building, watching the approaching traffic, anxious to catch sight of my boyfriend. The downtown traffic was light for a Friday, probably due to the upcoming holiday weekend, and that odd way no one works either a few days before it or a few days after it. Then I spotted his Lexus half a block down, and smiled as I watched it pull to the curb.

He opened the passenger door, and I climbed in. We exchanged a nice, warm, kiss. "Hi, sweetheart," I said. "Hello gorgeous," He replied back, smiling warmly at me, his brown eyes twinkling at mine as they always seem to do. "So why were you so insistent on picking me up?" I asked. "Oh, I've got a little surprise planned," He said with a hint of mystery in his voice. "Oh really?" I answered. "Are we going someplace special?" "Yep," He said. "Now let's see how long it takes you to figure it out." He switched on some romantic music on the Lexus’ stereo.

We drove on for a few moments, while trying to guess his plan. But everything I suggested - a concert, a ballgame, a movie - was met by a shake of his black hair colored head. And then I noticed the road sign for the airport turnoff. "Oh my God," I said. "We're going to the airport?" "Yep," He replied. "Oh wow," I continued excitedly. "You're taking me to dinner at the airport's hot sausage stand!" We both laughed. After a moment, I said, "Really? We're going somewhere?" "Yep," he said . "Where?" I asked. "Gotta guess," He replied. I just let out a long sigh...

After we got parked, he and I walked towards the terminal, He was carrying two bags. "I cannot believe you packed my bag without me even knowing it," I said. "Are you sure you got everything?" "Everything important," He said. "Particularly your see-through nighties." "Oh, it's going to be THAT kind of vacation," I said suggestively. "Did you remember to pack your thongs?" "I sure did," He said. "Of course, that's not the only thing I'll be packing..."

As we walked through the terminal, I continued to guess at our ultimate destination, but never really got close. So it wasn't until I got to the ticket counter that I finally realized he was taking me to Jamaica. I was stunned. Though not too stunned to throw my arms around him and give him a big, wet, romantic kiss right there in front of the ticket agent. "I'd say 'have a great trip'," the agent said, "but I think you're already on your way."

Quite a while later, well into the late night flight, both of us were dozing off under some blankets. Probably due in part to the couple of margaritas I had consumed, and the several beers he had downed. But we had to have the drinks to wash down the airline food we’ve just eaten - this carrier wasn't known for serving its fliers surf and turfs. But as I dozed peacefully on his shoulder, I suddenly bolted upright. "Oh my God," I said, "what about the dog?" "Don't worry," he groggily replied, "one of the neighbor kids is going to feed him." "Sorry," I apologized, yawning and stretching.

I snuggled back against him, resting my head on his chest, and putting my arm across his stomach. He had almost fallen back to sleep, when he felt my hand begin to creep southward - and finally land in his crotch. "Oh, hello," he whispered to me. "Hi there," I replied. "How's my friend this evening?" I began to lightly stroke his cock, which quickly began to stir under my gentle touch. "He's fine, thank you," He said, adding "And he is looking forward to getting a lot of activity on this vacation." "That sounds great," I replied. "And would he like to get a 'head' start?" He glanced around - the plane was dark and quiet, the engines droning on as most everyone else seemed to be sleeping. "Well, if you insist," He answered.

I squeezed his now fully hardened cock, then began to unbuckle his belt. After it was opened, I unbuttoned his jeans, unzipped them, then began to lightly stroke him under the thin cotton of his underwear. He reached across under the blanket and gently reached into my partially unbuttoned shirt. Running his fingers down between my cleavage and then over my bra, he began to lightly circle my left nipple with his fingertip. It hardened instantly.

I continued to stroke his underwear covered cock, mixing in some gentle squeezes for variety. "God, I love the way you touch me," he whispered to my ear. I answered by licking my way up his neck. "Um, you taste nice," I said. "Even better than strawberry." I continued to run my tongue upwards, finally placing the tip of it in his ear, sending shivers throughout his body. And then I reached into his underwear, wrapping my small hand around the shaft of his hard, hot, thick, cock. He removed his right hand from inside my shirt, and pulled his underwear and pants down slightly to help keep my access to his cock clear. I responded by picking up the pace of my stroking.

Now he wanted to get inside my pants. As I continued to fondle him, he reached across for the snap of my pants, and undid it. After pulling my zipper down, he turned his hand sideways, index finger toward me, and gently pushed down between my opened pants and my underwear. He easily found my cotton covered slit, and could already feel the warmth emanating from it. He kneaded the area, his finger against the full length of my pussy. Now he could feel some moisture leaking through the fabric. I squeezed his cock, and let out a deep breath.

He pressed once more against my slit from the outside, then ran his fingers up to my waistband, and reached inside. He let my pubic hair catch between all his fingers, then continued moving downward. I pushed myself forward in my seat and spread my legs wider, giving him better access to my lower regions. His middle finger continued to push its way down, and finally found the very wet opening of my pussy. Lightly inserting his finger, He drew out some of the natural lubricant, and spread it up my slit. Then he began to slowly move his finger up and down that pathway of pleasure, circling my clit on each pass. I began to moan softly each time he tickled my there. And inhale deeply each time he plunged a finger into my pussy.

I continued to stroke him, using my delightful twisting motion as I pumped up and down on him. Now He began to just concentrate on my clit, circling it slowly, lightly running his finger directly over it, then circling back in the other direction. Suddenly we heard movement in the cabin, and saw a flight attendant coming down the aisle. Closing our eyes, we stopped our active fondling of each other, pretending to be sleeping. But safely out of sight under the blanket, we didn't let go of each others private parts.

After a few moments, I opened one of my brown eyes, and checked to see that the flight attendant had moved on. He knew the coast was clear when he felt me begin stroking him again. He returned the favor by plunging his middle finger deep into my pussy, then using his thumb to lightly rub my clit. And the little contractions of my pussy told him he was doing a fine job of it.

This furtive groping was really a turn on for both us. Sort of like back in Manila, doing it in the back seat of a car. The same excitement, the same danger of being caught. And the same desire to move from foreplay to the main event. "I want you to fuck me," I whispered to him. He was happy to oblige. The problem was, how exactly?

"Hang on," I said, releasing my loving grasp of his cock. With my window seat reclined, I rolled onto my left side, my ass toward him. Then I wriggled my pants and panties farther down. He turned onto his left side as well, as if pretending to be asleep. "There," I said, pressing my bare butt against his hot cock. "Can you get it in?"

"I'll find a way, don't worry," He whispered. He slid farther down in his seat, and probed his hard cock under my ass. No... no... not quite... and then he felt that wonderful wet warmth of my magical pussy. And slid himself in, instantly being engulfed by my grand canal of pleasure. I let out a long "oooooohhh..." which I tried to stifle with one of those little airline pillows. "Oh God, that feels so good," He whispered. I just nodded my head in agreement. We just stayed still for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of being connected.

This encounter was going to have to be different than our usual - no loud noises, no frantic bumping, just a slow, careful, quiet build up of delightful, pleasurable tension. He began to ever so slightly move inside me, just stirring it around, really, more than stroking in and out. I responded by clamping and releasing my pussy muscles on his long hard cock. Then he started drawing back slightly, and pushing forward. I let out little gasps, which I again stifled in the pillow. The passenger in front of us stirred in his sleep, letting out some loud snuffling noises, causing us to stop moving - well, at least on the outside. I resumed my pussy muscle grasping, and He responded by flexing his cock, making it swell inside her.

When the passenger in front was quiet again, he began his slow, slight stroking again. The sensation was delicious for us both, and the incredible turn on of doing it surreptitiously had us each on the brink of orgasm. He would push in just a bit, then pull back a bit more. Then in a little more than last time, then slightly back. I never knew what to expect, and it felt like his cock was exploring new parts of my pussy with each mini-stroke, the head like a delicate instrument of pleasure. The plane hit a bit of turbulence, the slight bump only adding to the incredible sensations being experienced by two connected lovers.

"Are you close?" He whispered. "Oh yeah... just a few more seconds. Then put it all the way in," I gasped back. He pulled his cock back as slowly as he could, all the way back, dragging it past every millimeter of my pussy until just the very, very tip of the head was left in my opening. He was so close, he was right on the verge, the come massing in his cock, ready to go. I was so close myself, my pussy now empty, but twitching, desperate to feel his cock inside again. The pressure was building in my clit, consuming my entire core.

He held his cockhead at my opening, taunting, teasing them both. And then he slid forward, thrusting all the way inside me, as deeply as he could go. He grimaced, fighting the urge to cry out, as the come shot from his cock and the wave of pleasure washed over him. I felt his cock fill me completely, and when it exploded, I exploded, the orgasm tearing through my groin, up my chest, and down my legs. Biting the pillow to keep from crying out, my pussy clamped down on his cock, grasping him, holding him, never wanting to let him go, as my entire body shook from the force that flowed through me.

We just lay there, still connected, for the several moments it took us to catch our breaths. "Oh my God," I finally said, "if the rest of this vacation is anything like that..." "It's going to be better," He whispered back. "You never even asked where we're staying." "Okay," I said, "where?" "Oh, a little place we once looked into. Called 'Indulgences'." "Indulgences?" I asked. "With the nude beaches and non-stop parties and the sex going on all over the place?" "Yep," he said, flexing his still hard cock inside of me. "The place is a total turn-on, and we are gonna have the times of our lives." "Great," I said, squeezing his cock with my pussy, "but I'm not sure I want other women checking out your ass." "Hey, I'm cool on other guys drooling over your breasts," he replied, "just as long as I'm the one you're making love with." "Always," I said, turning back to give him a nice, long, romantic kiss.

...TO BE CONTINUED...

I'm sorry to keep you hanging... but there IS no continuation. :)

This is actually a story I edited (i changed the third person pronouns to first person) but originally got from Hoochy Mail. "HoochyMail is the first internet service that allows you to create a thrilling, explicit erotic fantasy about yourself and your special someone, doing all sorts of exciting and sexy things, in all sorts of exotic and interesting locales!" -hootchymail.com

great way to start the month post huh? :)
FOOLED YA!

well.. i guess i'm the fool here.. because i wish that this story was g*ddamn true! ( i mean... because I want to go to Jamaica..)

85. what i've been doing

2010-08-31T15:49:00.000-07:00

i've been busy looking through various blogs which catches my attention

and I've been busy checking my blog statistic referrals and traffic.

and i've been busy checking my recent comments if anybody has left me a message or if people are responding when they read my posts.

I miss my old bravenet account blogs because the search engine there is more user-friendly and I get to isolate the blogs easily for those specific blogs I am looking for, including grouping them into countries. But since I think blogger is more popular than bravenet, I decided to move here.

I met a malaysian friend online in bravenet and her blog was just wonderful. It was simple yet catchy. I even told her that one day I'm going to Malaysia and visit her. She's a very awesome baker. I tried visiting her other malaysian blog friends and it seems that I've come to realize blogging in Malaysia is very popular. Well to their peers that is. My peers are all into multiply, facebook and twitter now.

I enjoyed reading blogs from my malaysian peers. And I discovered that my old malaysian friend from bravenet also moved to blogspot. and I again followed her friends. Visit her blog and you know what I mean.

So. Bottomline. Malaysian blogs are my favorite blogs (aside from the cool graphics they place in their blogs)

Let's start with Kenwooi's blog. He's from Malaysia, and his blog posts are hilarious. From there, start looking for other Malaysian bloggers and you know what I'm talking about.

What do I look for a blog?

The graphics. I guess. because I'm a visual reader. Probably the reason why most of my post always have a related cartoon attached to them.

Argh....

why is it so hard to search blogs that I like in blogspot! and it's not just the blog im looking for actually. it's the BLOGGER. Same age group. Single and ready to mingle.

i love comments. I love feed back. and I love to make new friends. it starts with finding the right blogger.

84. playing hard to get

2010-08-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't really been honest about blogging what's been going on between my boyfriend and I. The last update I had was about our supposed "break-up". As I said, he was okay with my decision. And the idea for us to break up while in this situation has crossed his mind a couple of times already. I had told my girlfriend about it, and she said that I should stick to my word. If space is what I know we need, then I should keep myself away from talking to him, at least for a few days. Well, that space is hard. Not because I am die hard in love with him that I cannot live a day without talking to him. But because my boyfriend and I are so attached with each other that even though we keep telling ourselves we need time apart, there seems to be a magnetic force that keeps pulling us together.

And so all night I drowned myself watching Rubi series online, and all morning I kept watching more. I wondered why my boyfriend.. or rather "ex-boyfriend" hasn't called me up yet. And yes, I was hoping he did because he ALWAYS did call whenever things between us is on the rocks. What I love about him, even though he doesn't explicitly show his sweetness, is that he never lets our arguments last for more than 24 hours. I would always expect that he would give in sooner or later, and I never got disappointed with my expectation. But that's just it, we did not have an argument last night. We had a mutual understanding that we need space.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm not entirely sad and why I don't feel like I just had a break up. Because I know that this is what we need. This is what I need. If he really wants me back, he had to work for it again. And as I anticipated, my phone was ringing. I thought it was just another one of those tele-marketers, but then his name was on it.

However, I did not answer. And he kept calling again. But I kept myself from answering. I already knew what was going to happen. He's going to ask for me back, and promise that everything will improve from now on, and we're back together again just like that. And the next day, nothing really happens. Back to the same old habit again. So I had to resist.

At least he knew where to find me. He knew I was online 24/7. He messaged me and asked me why I wasn't answering the phone. I asked him why was he calling and what was he going to say. He said, 'nothing'. He said he just wanted to call. Then later on he gave me a ring again and I didn't answer. I messaged him back and told him that if he wanted to say something just say it [on instant messaging]. He said it needed to be on the phone. But I still did not answer. I asked what it was about, he just said nothing again. I replied, "you have nothing to say, then there's no point of answering the phone". Just as like Saturday, I don't want to waste our time talking about nothing at all. I would just feel the boredom even more. It yields no interest, no spark, no excitement.

Later on I kept watching the series of Rubi and it kept me entertained and busy for the rest of the day. And like any other "friendly" conversation, I texted my exboyfriend and asked him what he was doing. He replied that he was drunk again. As much as I didn't want to act like a girlfriend, I couldn't resist so I asked him where he was and who he was with. He was at a karaoke bar with his co-workers and he wanted to get so drunk tonight because of too much stress in his life right now. I tried calling him, but he said it was too noisy. I waited until 11pm to call him again, but this time he was already home. I no longer prolonged our conversation. I should resist to show my concern.

Today, I tried calling him again. I found out that he didn't go to work today because he got sick. I wasn't concerned but I was pissed. It was his fault to go out last night anyway. And now he's not going to work? He said he was busy cooking and he can't answer the phone. Frustrating RIGHT? Now it's like HE IS the one playing hard to get. I shouldn't fall for it. I should resist.

"you and your excuses" --- that's what I said.

And he replied, "you just love me, that's why".

Later on, he had settled down his food and laptop in front of him and demanded that we turn on our web cams. I resisted, because like I said, our "break-ups" were never taken seriously. We would just act like nothing happened. And I had to change that. I had to make a point. After few emotionless conversation, he teased again. "you know you love me"... "why are you smiling?"

When seriously I wasn't. I was still emotionless. Besides, my webcam is not activated.
I told him to stop playing around. And the conversation ended for him to beg for me to come back.

Well, we are in a LDR and it has been only 2 days since I "broke up" with him so you might think that, us being "together" again wouldn't make a difference. But the labeling does. He wanted me to be his girlfriend again.

"is that a proposal?" --- i replied.

"take it or leave it" ---- he said.

"Wow" i said, "is that how you would make it up for me? Is that how you win me back? by a "threat" that you will never ask for me again"

I had to resist. I knew it was a trap.. "NO. Make it up to me, and then I'll decide"

He said that he never chases a woman, ever. And that his "offer" was final.

I ignored him.

And later on, he was taking it back. He said sorry. And he said he loves me.

"i want you back"

and then he started bullshitting me with why he wants me back, and that I'm the only girl he wants, and all, oh- you know... those kind of stuff.

But I still said. NO.

I wouldn't let just sweet words to win me back again right?? He STILL needs to make it up to me by actions and not just plans that he will.

He said that he wants the assurance that he owns me.

I said, "okay. I'll give you 12 days."

"In 12 days, it will be our second year anniversary. I will answer you again, on September 11. We'll be back together again but you also have 12 days to make it up for yourself."

He said that I was acting like a kid. And he said he wanted it NOW. He wanted me to be his girlfriend again NOW. (who's acting like a kid now? lol)

Me: "oh, so you're going to get me back through force?"

Boyfriend: "yes"

Me: "you know, I only knew you for 6 days when I answered you back then, its about time that you work hard to get me.. even for just a short while"

Boyfriend: "no, I don't like to"

Me: "12 days"

Boyfriend: "don't ruin my day... I want us to get back together NOW!"

Me: "if I were you I would research on how to court me"

Boyfriend: "if I don't get an answer within 1 hour, then that's it. I'm not going to try anymore"

---after 1 hour----

Boyfriend: "It's already 1 hour. Are we back together? I want it today already."

Me: "12 days"

Boyfriend: "fine"

I WIN!! I WIN!! I WIN AGAIN!!! ... Boys nowadays can be so stubborn. They don't know how to "court" anymore. Winning girls with sweet gifts and romantic serenade are so over. When girls play hard to get, boys just give up and think that they wont have a chance with you. They don't even at least "try" anymore to show it that they are worth your 'yes'.

That's why playing hard to get, has now become a big risk. Because the one boy you like might just be so stubborn to not fight for your love anymore. Then eventually, relationships have evolved that girls even do the first moves too. Our pride as a prize have lowered down. Just like what I did when my boyfriend and I started dating.

But it's still not too late to play hard to get. Now that I know he has invested so much on me already, he wouldn't resist. He just have to play by my rules now.

And if all fails, that playing hard to get also risks of losing him entirely then...
I could just go back to plan Z. That is to win him back all over again... no matter what it takes.

83. bad girls get everything

2010-08-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

I've been so distracted lately that I haven't been focusing too much about the life of my blog. I've been so hooked with the Filipino TV Series "Rubi" and been watching it online starting with the first episode.

Rubi is the story of a woman full of secrets that will destroy the lives of the people closest to her heart once the truth comes out. As someone who’s fed up with her family’s poverty-stricken life, Rubi learns how to play her cards right to get what she wants even at the expense of her loved ones. How far will she go for the sake of her pursuit of power and wealth? Will she give up the man who truly loves her in favor of the one who showers her with everything that money can buy? - source

Among other typical telenovelas wherein the lead characters are the protagonist which are abused in the beginning and given glory in the end, this telenovela is different. The story gives emphasis that the antagonist is lead character. Rubi is always the bad girl. And with other telenovelas that the bad girl is always despised, in this story the bad girl is the one that is idolized.

Well, at least I do.

I have talked to two of my best friends about Rubi and one of them had opposite reviews about the character. My best friend who I know is the kind and peaceful one, dislikes Rubi. Come to think of it, I cannot name any person of whom she had an argument or hatred with (Aside from ex-boyfriends probably). While my other best friend, whom I grew up at least hating one person every year and torturing them in school, LOVES RUBI. What's funny about it is that we even update ourselves about the latest update on the Rubi show. We comment on every scene and every time Rubi does something cruel and yet we find it entertaining.

I guess it shows that those who like to watch Rubi and idolize her, reflects the viewers personality. Any place I get stationed, there seemed to be at least one or two person that I will dislike so much. What's worst with my attitude is that I SHOW my dislike with that person. I like Rubi, even though she is materialistic, a user, and a bully. It's like watching the Mean Girls but worst.

Rubi is the kind of antagonist that will NEVER let anyone get away with it. What's amazing with her is that she comes from a poor family and even though her resources are limited, she will get things done when she wants it. She is the person whom you would love to be friends with but you would be afraid to clash against with. If anybody goes against her or try to hurt the people she cares for, she will get back at you with a bang. And you should be very, very afraid. Even though you have all the money to get away with it, you should be afraid because she will take your money away from you and you will have nothing to fight against her with.

I idolize her, because she makes things happen. Even though her means of getting it is something "not nice", but her intentions are always good. Everything she does is for her family.

I remember when I was in gradeschool, high school and in college... I cannot seem to avoid not having a single enemy. It's like, I just can't manage to keep my mouth shut. You know? or I can't even just "pretend" to be nice. But noooo... I HAD to show them. I had to roll these eyes. I had to influence other people to dislike them too. I just HAD to start a fight.

I am like Rubi , because I too am defensive when somebody tries to destroy my walls. The walls I am talking about is my comfort zone. When somebody damages my ego or does something to complicate my life in a way that I do not accept, my mind always comes out with these revenge tactics. When I told my boyfriend that I wanted to break up, he said okay as long as I don't do something stupid to ruin his life. He already knows me that much to know what my mind is capable of. But what he doesn't know is that it's just in my mind. Of course, unlike Rubi, she is only living in a TV show. I'm living my life in real life and I am still sane enough to realize that my actions will have it's consequences. I am good with threats. But I don't really do it.

Let's just say, I know.. I am immature. Because I don't easily accept my mistakes. I'm not humble enough. and sometimes, I just don't like some people. period.

82. substance over style

2010-08-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started this new blog which was born and dedicated on my long distance relationship, I didn't think that one day I might blog about something else other than updates of my life. By these I meant blogging for advertising purposes, or blogging about blog rolls, or answering surveys, or even participating in blog awards. But I guess blogging about blog awards is going to be an exception this time since I am grateful that, even though I just intend to write and document my LDR, people recognize and appreciate my posts as well.

Although I am not really a fan of blog awarding, I want to participate because I want to also share to my readers and recommend the great blogs that I have found and that I have been following.

The award that I will be talking about in this post is the "A Blog with Substance" award. Although the button is a feminist, I will not limit myself to choosing only female awardees. Assessing the awardees has been a very difficult task for me. For one, because I follow tons of blogs. Secondly, I don't want to limit myself to those friends of mine who have received the same blog award as well. Third, I had to really assess what kind of substance the blog has that makes me read it. (You don't have to do descriptions, I just want to take the awarding seriously since this is my first blog award post)

This award was given to me by Jess of "it is a big deal, it is to me!". She is a new friend that I have gained in this blogosphere (whom I met from 20something bloggers). Although we don't get a chance to really have personal chats to get to know each other, I know I will soon get to know her better as we keep in touch with each other's blogs. Right Jess? I really appreciate your comments because I do feel a sense of communication happening around here.

Anyway going back to business, this award has certain conditions which are:
~~•Thank the blogger who awarded it to you.~~ ✓
•Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience using five (5) words.
•Pass it on to 10 other blogs which you feel have real substance.

My blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience (in 5 words? crazy. this one's confusing)
Any case, that's the rule so... My blogging philosophy is I believe that writing is THERAPEUTIC (1). And I blog because I LOVE (2) to write and I once wanted to be a JOURNALIST (3). I am motivated to consistently maintain this blog and it's quality because of my BOYFRIEND (4). Even though I also talk about my experiences in TRAVELING (5).

I just had to put my 5 words in sentences because those 5 words won't make any sense in answering if it was a philosophy, motivation or experience.

And the most important part of this post is sharing 10 blogs that I find with substance. (blogs arranged in no particular order)

1 Jacky.Rants.Stuff. - Jacky is a guy blogger. I found him because of his long distance love post which actually he apologized for because it didn't make sense coming from a person who is actually in a Long Distance Love. Recently, Jacky is M.I.A. (Missing in Action), but I made this opportunity to read his previous posts. It is unusual for me to find a guy blogger, more so, a guy who can actually write something aside from nonsense mumblings with sentences that jump from one topic to another. What's impressing is that, what he does write is actually funny and interesting. I'm not sure if he is trying to be funny but reading his posts and from girl who loves to read cosmopolitan magazine, he already made a hilarious impression. "Hey Jacky, stop being busy and update your blog. I know this award is feminist but I sure hope you put this in your blog too.. lol"

2 JBUDD NEWS - I met JBUDD in a forum I made in 20something bloggers. I was looking for active Filipino Bloggers and he caught my attention because he says he isn't Filipino but he can understand and speak the language. His blog is also interesting because, like jacky, I found another guy blogger that made sense. The content isn't too heavy, but it isn't too light either. He also blogs about food and his secret recipes. My favorite one is the El Frozen Burrito. Thank you Jbudd, making a burrito has never been easy since your recipe.

3 Love, Pink - This time this blog with obvious reasoning comes from a girl blogger. She doesn't say much in her blog since she probably uses photoshop to create her messages but her posts say a lot itself. It's simple, it's creative, it's personalized and it's girly. She is currently on vacation, but I sure hope that when she comes back she is able to update her blog with her beautiful posts. My favorite post is "My Childhood", because she also posted little things that reminded me of the childhood trend in the 90's.

4 MiDniGHt DriVer - Midnight Driver is a Filipino blogger who blogs in our local language. Although it limits him to readers who can only understand Tagalog, I do ask him how he got so many readers. Well he doesn't know and I do hope that one day I get a lot of readers too. What am I saying, how many people would be interested in my love life right? lol. But Midnight Driver's way of writing is different which most probably is the reason why there are a lot of Filipinos following, reading and commenting on his blog posts. His latest post was a poem about the current challenges the Philippines is facing right now. I think either he has the talent or he has too much time on his hands, because the poem was actually a good one. Tell me if you understand it :)

5 Guys, Boys & Men. - This next blog is another feminist blog but of which I also love to read . The title speaks for itself already and the blog entertains me as much as reading Cosmopolitan too. Few of the posts i love is the 11 things man should never say to you & where have all the real men gone? I don't have much to say about what the substance of the blog is, but the blog title speaks for itself already. Simply put it this way, I'm a girl.. and I can relate.

6 Colors not yet invented - Amanda's blog caught my attention because of her header and the poem she displayed beneath it. She is a mommy blogger, but she is different and I find her substance in blogging simply because her blog posts does not revolve around her kid or her hubby. Unlike other mommy bloggers that flood pictures of their cute kids and blog everything what the kids are doing, Amanda keeps the identity of her kid to herself by placing a smiley on her kid's face. lol. I find that cute Amanda. Lastly, I am not really a fan of blogs that blog all about handicraft creations but Amanda's blog keeps me entertained with her own crafts. Like the Woody Costume she made for her kid. You really deserve that versatile award you got earlier this month because your posts are just so as it describes! That's good because it's not boring.

7 Confessions of a Single Girl - I love single girl's blog because it's just like reading the "confessions" portion of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Spilling out juices and stories that are like secrets. Her blog description tells that she blogs about sex and her dating life in college. I hope that when she finally gets hooked she wont stop blogging even if technically she isn't "single" anymore. Her stories about dating this stranger seems like unbelievable but whether it is true or not, it is still entertaining. I'm glad that she has the guts to share her experiences because you have no idea what kind of images pop into my head. Which is fun. Love you girl, good luck in the arena :) and don't forget to tell us what's next.

8 Between me and my thoughts - Between me and my thoughts is blog owned by a Filipina who writes about the randomness things that comes up in her mind. Yes it is random, but I chose to give her the substance award because the content of those random things relate to me. I read it because her posts are personal. It reminds me on how I used to blog before. Just the random rants and whatever I want to write about. What is even better is that we are both Filipinas and that is a fact that I can more than relate with.

9 Amelia is - Amelia's blog is all about her life in "secrets". At first I thought that it was anonymously spilling out her deepest secrets through blogging, which honestly attracted me. But then I found out that she tells her secret through art as the medium. She has been consistent with the substance of her blog, even though she doesn't really explain the reason behind such secret. But I guess creating that piece of art work, is her therapy itself as other bloggers choose to write about it instead. But what makes her blog more interesting is the mystery behind it. Well as some people try to narrate what they feel, Amelia keeps some of the details hidden to the naked eye. Amelia, I hope you don't mind sharing your secret to my readers. The trick is to try to save her secret.. and you will know more about her post. :)

10 A true long distance relationship - The 10th awardee of this award goes to A Lady In Waiting, not because she got a Tiffany & Co. ring from her boyfriend as a second anniversary gift. I read her blog, not only because she is also currently under a long distance relationship (which obviously I relate with), but she is also taking up graduate school and her course is school counseling. It caught my attention because I am also into the same thing (taking masters and same field), except that I am currently not enrolled in my graduate school but to continue it will be my first priority once I go back home in the Philippines.

and that's the end of my blog award post.

81. WANTED: a new boyfriend

2010-08-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

actually... i want TWO.

I 'm not being a cool bitch but it's just what I feel right now.

The last time my boyfriend and I spent a whole day together, we were able to talk about a lot of things. He suggested for us to break up but with conditions. To put it in simple terms, he wanted our relationship to be an open relationship. He didn't say any thing about him wanting to have a new girlfriend but he did want to focus more on his emerging career (it's not some typical bullshit but working in his relative's company is really keeping him to have a social life). On the good side, he told me that I was allowed to have a new boyfriend. (To be honest, if that was just that easy I would do it even without his permission). He said that when he has finally settled down with his new life in the states, he would go back for me. Such a cliche right? In the movies? ...

I would have said yes. Because I know that if i did want him back I would make it happen myself.

But I didn't. I said, I don't want to break up with him because I don't want to risk it. But then I said that I will still look for another boyfriend. Selfish right? haha.. But I'm just being honest. He said that what a lucky bitch I am because I don't want to be single and I'd rather that my boyfriends over lap each other. He said that it was okay for him but he would have to criticize my other boyfriend first.

It sounds like a silly conversation but with full honesty on saying what we feel inside without offending each others feelings. Earlier tonight, my boyfriend and I was chatting and suddenly I just said I wanted to break up with him.

He just bores me so much. I know being bored isn't a good reason. But I can explain. When I say boring... because there's no interest anymore. No excitement. No spark. It seems that I just want to talk to him because I can't find any body else to talk to. He's always too busy or too tired. He's boring because even though he finds the time for me, we practically talk about NOTHING. And I have ran out of punchlines to keep the conversation flowing. I'm just simply BORED.

Then he starts the drama and explaining...

Him: "I hope you don't replace me that fast and I hope that you will still wait for me"

Me: "Then what's the point of breaking up with you if I'm not going to find myself a new boyfriend and if I'm still going to wait for you???"

He told me that he doesn't want to let me go, but he is setting me free so that I could be happy. I told him he was stupid. I said "you don't know a thing about what makes me happy"

He's stupid because HE makes me happy and I wish he does something about it. With long distance relationship, communication is very important. But now that even our communication is not that interesting anymore, so what's keeping us together? What's the point?

He said that starting tomorrow he will make it up to me. I said "what are you talking about, we're over" He said that it is better this way that we don't have "labels" so that there are no pressures or no obligations. But like I said, we broke up already right?? what the hell is he talking about? ... I replied with a "blah blah blah whatever". Oh yes, ofcourse I know what he's talking about, it means he doesn't want to lose me and he wants to make it up for me even though we already "broke up".

I'm not going to take it back. It's about time he courts me again. I have to stand my guard. We always try to break up but then we always end the hour later getting back together. Or even though whenever we "break up", nothing happens. We're still treating each other as if we NEVER DID!

I need to stick to my word. HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. Ignore him, and let him come to you.

For the mean time..... I want a two boyfriends.

Why?

Well, for one I'm keeping my current one.

Second, so that someone can keep me entertained while I try my efforts to ignore boyfriend #1.

It's a cliche. It might be conventional. But I need to go back and play 'hard-to-get'.

So anyway.... WANTED: A NEW BOYFRIEND.

Qualifications & Conditions

Don't worry I won't play hard to get on you.
We don't have to meet in person, you can just be my virtual boyfriend.
You just have to constantly entertain me, and send me emails.
You're only commitment is keeping me from being bored and
Never say you're too busy, you've been busy or too tired to chat.

Applicants anyone?

80. sushi bar & sake bomb

2010-08-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

I've already established it before that in the states they refer to the word "rolls" instead of "maki" which is the Japanese term (and what we use in the Philippines too). But I even realized more, as my friend also mentioned, that there are even more variety of rolls/maki's here in the states than in Japan. Hmmm interesting.. and I've noticed that too. I haven't been eating in Sushi restaurants here in the states, but the names of their "rolls" are really unique and interesting. Like dragon rolls, or caterpillar rolls etc.

On the other hand, I still haven't figured out where "california" maki came from. I bet now it does originate from U.S.A. instead of Japan. Hence the name? and since the states do come up with random kind of rolls anyway. California Maki must be the easiest and most popular invention. So which recipe is the original California Maki/Roll then.. the one with avocado? or mango... God, this is making me hungry for some sushi right now. I have to stop analyzing then. lol

sake bomb

This is my first and last time to drink Sa-ke Bombs. What was I thinking? SA-KE! I've had that drink before. The Japanese "rice" drink. *blech* I didn't like it. You might think "rice" drink wouldn't taste good but it's like literally drinking... alcohol that you use to kill germs.

Sake Bombs. the word bomb refers to dropping a shot full of sake in a glass of beer.

Sake + Beer. = worst. 

79. Movie Marathon #7 The Kite Runner

2010-08-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

For you, and a thousand times over

I just finished watching the movie "The Kite Runner" which was released in 2007.

It's not really the kind of movie that was promoted well nor was it a talk of the town. But I watched it because I know that this movie is promising. I believe so because I've read the book.

F.Y.I. I'm not a book reader. I'm the laziest of them all. But this book was a requirement for school back in college days. And I was proud to say that this was the first book I've read cover to cover since I've read "The Little Prince" in highschool. And that book was just a 20 minute read, with drawings.

The fact that I'm reading this book (even while eating, walking or in class) means to me that it IS a good read.

The setting is in Afghanistan.

I'm afraid I cannot write a review about the book since I practically forgot about it and the movie couldn't of course capture all the details about it. Being a Hazara, a Pashtun or the Taliban, the Russians and the communists are just a few key words I could give you.

So I guess, what I'm trying to point out is to read the book. It is a bestseller, what more do I need to say to convince you?

I'm happy that I got to refresh my mind about the story of The Kite Runner, again. It's not the typical movie I watch like romance, comedy or animation. But it's a very informative movie that helped me become a little bit aware about the culture and history of another country.

"There is only one sin. And that is theft.

Every other sin is a variation of theft.

When you kill a man, you steal a life.
You steal his wife's right to her husband, his children's right to a father.
When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth."

78. Movie Marathon #6 The Switch

2010-08-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

"Look at us. running around. Always Rushed. Always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race.

What we crave the most is connection. For some people it happens at first sight.
It's when you know, you know. It's faith working it's magic. Well that's great for them.

But that's not how it really works. For the rest of us it's a bit less romantic. It's complicated. It's messy. It's about horrible timing and fumbled opportunities.

And not being able to say, what you need to say, when you need to say it."

The Switch

I don't know what this movie was all about but since I'm a fan of Jennifer Aniston, I decided to watch it. Let me just say, that it was all worth it. It was a GREAT movie. I've never seen anything like it. Never expected it. And Jennifer's (a.k.a. Cassie) son was a really cute kid.

While I was at the beginning of the movie I just found it so ironic for Jennifer to want a kid of her own regardless whoever the man of her child maybe. She just badly needed to have a child of her own. (I was thinking, why not adopt. lol). Thus, the movie starts with the search of a sperm donor.

It's ironic because few years back, Brad Pit was still married to this lovely lady. And they had to end this marriage because rumors has it that Brad Pit wanted to have a baby already, while Jeniffer wanted to focus more on her career than having a child. I don't know if that was a good decision, but it did reflect a woman's independence. HOWEVER. It was BRAD PIT! Seriously, I would WANT to have a child with him, even if he doesn't need to marry me. lol. Even if he just donates his sperm.

I wouldn't mind as long as my son has the genes of Brad Pit.

"Look at us. running around. Always Rushed. Always late. I guess that's why they call it the human race.

But sometimes, it slows down just as enough for all the pieces to fall into place. faith works it's magic.

Every once in a while, in all the randomness, something unexpected happens and it pushes us all forward. And the truth is when I'm starting to think, when I'm starting to feel, is that maybe the human race isn't a race at all." - from the Movie "The Switch"

77. Movie Marathon #5 Grown Ups

2010-08-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/grownups.png

"Things don't go always as you plan and that's what makes life interesting."

- That line just hit me because ever since I went here in the United States, most of the things that I expected did NOT go as the way I imagined it to be, not even close.

Grown Ups

I love this movie. It's about friendship from when you were young and keeping it until you grew older. I remember the first out of town trip my boyfriend and I had, with friends. These friends were my childhood friends. Well, these childhood friends were actually all boys. One of them was my boyfriend's cousin. (That's how we met, through his cousin). The movie was similar to our trip because I got to relieve the childhood moment being with my childhood friends. But this time we have multiplied because we had our other half with us. I'm looking forward to another trip together. My boyfriend having migrated to the U.S. already, and one of my friends migrating to U.K., an out of town vacation getta-way may be impossible to achieve soon. But I know it will happen again one day. Even if it takes that we have to bring "kids" in the picture :)

I love how the movie ended. Adam Sandler, intentionally missed that 3-point shot and let the other team to win. I myself did not expect it. Usually you'd expect the good guys to win right? But it showed a great deal on what really matters most when we're older. Unlike what I've seen from watching The Diary of a Wimpy Kid & 17 Again, what was important for us (i.e. social status) when we were in school, no longer has that much value when we get old. As we grow older we also become wiser.

It doesn't matter who wins or who got bitter.
In the end, all that matters is who got better.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/grownups.png

76. Movie Marathon #4 Shrek Forever After

2010-08-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not really the type of person who would be eager to watch Shrek Forever After compared to my liking to watch Toy Story 3. (I'm a Disney fan, what can I say?). Let me just put it this way, I probably watch Shrek, just because everybody watches it.

For one, Shrek is UGLY. Now, being an Ogre isn't an excuse. Why can't dream works create characters which are more pleasing to the eye? Take it from Disney's Monster Inc. They should be hideous because they are monsters... but they are also CUTE!

But to be fair, I think this is the best Shrek series they've produced. Wait, I'm sorry.. I'm kidding myself, I don't really recall how many series they've had and what the stories were. But what I'm trying to say finally there's sort of a lesson we can learn from watching Shrek. Aside from that looks can be deceiving and love is blind cliche. Shrek Forever After teaches us to be careful with what you wish for and you'd never realize what you have until it's gone.

Those are the exact lessons I learned from going to North California for the past week.

I wished to go there, and I got what I wished for. But everything was just total disaster (again). I wasn't able to do the things I wanted to to. I was basically just hanging around in the baby's room all day in front of the computer that I decided to go back to L.A. a week earlier than I booked.

Being at my uncle's house also made me realize that I was better off living under my grandparent's house because I had more freedom there and people didn't really bother me as much as my uncle's mom did. She practically NAGGED my way out of the house. You really won't realize what you have until it's gone and my last few days at my uncle's house made me beg myself to go back to L.A. in my room. I can't believe I got homesick.

So, well.. those are just the simple things...

I still don't like Shrek & Fiona because they are ugly. Thank God the sequel is over.

75. i left my heart in san francisco

2010-08-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

"High on a hill it calls to me
To be where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars.
The morning fog may chill the air, I don't care.
My love waits there in San Francisco, above the blue and windy sea,
When I come home to you, San Francisco, your golden sun will shine for me."

I'm home back in L.A.

And man does it feel great to be back.

When my boyfriend dropped me at the San Francisco airport earlier today, I almost cried. But since I swore myself not to, I held it up inside of me. Yeah, I may have shed a tear or two. He said, don't cry. When I was about to enter the airport he asked for a hug and a kiss. I thought I would be able to hug him tight before I leave but I didn't. Instead my boyfriend gave me a loose hug and I gave him a smack on his lips. All along I did not dare to look at him, more so look at his eyes. I had to be strong for him.

I wanted to cry. But I no longer wanted to feel bad for myself.

I sat at a window seat and while the airplane took off, all I could say was "Good Bye San Francisco".

I don't know when or where I will see my boyfriend again. It probably might be months from now or even next year. I'm not sure if we'd still see each other here in the states. But most probably I will have to wait for next summer when he comes to visit Manila. I'm not sure.

Short was my return to San Francisco may be, I did a good job. Yes we have fought almost every time that we saw each other, but our separation was beautiful. Enough to say to ourselves, that this relationship is a keeper. I think I just fell in love all over again.

When I finally arrived at my grandparent's place here in Los Angeles, I started to feel this weird feeling. I felt that I never left the house and this past week was just in my dreams. I couldn't believe that earlier today I was just in San Jose at my uncle's house. And I couldn't believe that for the past days I was able to see my boyfriend again. I feel like I never took my eyes off the computer. I feel like I never left my room or the house. It's either that, or I've been gone for like a month.

Is this how you feel when you leave your heart in San Francisco? Part of you is left behind and you wouldn't know where you really are or where you really have been. While waiting for my plane to board, my boyfriend and I were sending messages to each other.

Me: I love you babe... I'll miss you.

Boyfriend: Love you too.

Me: Take care of yourself.

Boyfriend: Take care of yourself too.

Me: I'm stopping myself from shedding tears. We're about to board in 5 minutes.

Boyfriend: Okay, call me when you get there. Love you babe. See you again.

See me again? ... when? ... next year? .... It's a good thing that as I write this down, my mind is still preoccupied. Too preoccupied to let it sink in that I will be lonely again for the next months. I hope my mind keeps itself that way. I don't want to feel any day of loneliness anymore. I don't want to think that I will never see my boyfriend again until for 8-12 months. I just want to feel that I'm just lazy. Lazy to go out. And to feel that my laziness is stopping me to see my boyfriend who could be just around the corner.

Living one day at a time. Until days turns into weeks. And weeks turn into months. And months turn to the day that my boyfriend and I will be back again. I will come back, San Francisco. And this time you better be good to me.

"My love waits there in San Francisco, above the blue and windy sea,

When I come home to you, San Francisco, your golden sun will shine for me."

74. i'm leaving my heart in san francisco

2010-08-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my last night in North California.

I had to cut my trip short due to certain circumstances. But it was the best decision to change my flight last Saturday while I was still paying only additional $16 compare to $80.

It was a good decision, to just fly back to L.A.

Things around here aren't going smoothly as I expected. It really isn't the time for me and my boyfriend to spend time with each other. I have to learn to accept the fact that our life as of the moment, is meant for spending time apart. I have to stop pushing things. I have to stop trying to manipulate situation just to get what I want. I have to give in. But it doesn't mean I'm giving up on our relationship, it's just I'm giving in to the situation and I will wait for the right time for us to be back again in each other arms.

Sometimes, I tell him... "I wish you never had to leave. I wish we could just continue with our lives in Manila." And he would always answer... "This is for our future".

To be honest, I am flattered when people say that to me... "OUR" future. It means whatever sacrifices he is doing now, is towards to his better future which includes me in it. However, whenever he says that, I always tell him "It's your future, we're not really sure that I'm going to benefit from it". Because realistically speaking right? After all these sacrifices, am I really going to be the one to benefit from it? Is it me that he's going to end up with?

Well, I want to. And for him to say that, I guess he wants me to be in his future too.

I just finished watching the movie 17 Again, and I just started thinking about what me and my boyfriend are experiencing now. If you haven't watched the movie yet, I'd tell you a little bit of what it's about so you would know what I'm talking about. The movie is about a boy named Mike, who had a chance to be 17 again. He wanted to go back to his highschool because he had a feeling of regret for choosing to marry his girlfriend over getting that basketball scholarship ticket to college. As he stated it, he grew up, lost his track, and started blaming everything about his current status in life to his wife. He would always say, "if I went to college...". And now, they were in a middle of getting a divorce because of that.

Going back to my boyfriend, it suddenly made me realize what the point of this LDR is for. This is for our future. This is what my boyfriend always wanted. He wanted to start his future here in the United States. That was a plan that he had even before he met me. I had no right to stop him from that. I remember the first few days when we were dating he openly discussed a topic about his future plans,

"When I graduate college, I'm going to the states."

I was like, "oh Okay".

He was like, "And when I say, I'm going there... I'll be there for a long time. I just want to tell you this, so that when the time comes we won't have any problems about my plan."

I was like, "oh Okay, then I'll go there"

To be honest, we were just starting to date and I felt a funny feeling for him to tell me that. It seemed that he did expect for us to last longer. Why would he tell me that so early? How would he know that by the time he leaves for the states we will still be together? I should be happy then. Because he already thought about including me and having a long distance relationship. Rather than just dating me while he is in Manila and then break up when he leaves.

The movie 17 Again, ended with a nice lesson that decisions made in the past shouldn't be regretted. But since I still have the decision right now, I'd rather not push it and force us to be physically together. I will wait. I will trust. And I will think that we are doing this sacrifice for our future. So that when the right time arrives and he comes back to get me. There will be no 'pointing fingers'. There will only be appreciation and happily reaping fruits of labor. None of us will be saying "if only's" but both of us will say "it was all worth it".

So tomorrow... Just as my luck, my boyfriend's driving license has just expired. I don't know how my boyfriend and I will see each other, but I'm banking on it since I'm depending on him to pick me up here in San Jose and drive me to the San Francisco airport. So he must find a way to get here.

And to see me.. for the last time.

I hate goodbyes. This will be the same feeling I had when he left in the Philippines last February. I would isolate myself and stay inside my car, crying my heart out because I couldn't believe it was happening. I knew that day was going to happen but I couldn't believe it was already happening. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. Long Distance Relationship?!

Tomorrow. Even though crying it out makes me feel better than holding it in. I will promise myself that I will not cry. I don't want my boyfriend and I to separate with his last memory of me, crying. We had a nice date at Santa Cruz Boardwalk last Saturday and that was enough for me to go keep and bring back to L.A.

Our original plan was to spend 3 whole Saturdays together (his only day off from work).
We ended up just spending one. But it was a great one.

I will miss him.

I will promise, not to cry.

I will think that we are just in the same state.

I could see him again. (even though it is impossible because of work and other circumstances)

But I will THINK that I COULD see him again.

I will just be 6 hours drive away.

I will just think about that.

It's not that far.

73. Movie Marathon #3 17 Again

2010-08-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

Zac Efron Marry Me.

So Okay. After watching Toy Story 3 which was about Andy going to college & The Diary of A Wimpy Kid which was about Greg's life in middle school, I decided to watch 17 Again which was about going through high school all over again.

Just as you know, it is a total coincidence that the movies I chose to watch online were about school life.

These are just the movies that I so wanted to watch for a long time now.

17 Again

This is an old movie, but I haven't seen it. I want to watch it because it's starring Zac Efron. I thought it was a similar movie like Thirteen going on Thirty, where you get to relieve your past and change your future. But then again, if it was... then it wouldn't make so much of a difference right?

17 Again, is also about relieving your past but making a new and different future. Unlike in the latter movie where a change in the past changed everything about the future, Mike in 17 Again was given another chance to become a high school student again in the present times. It sounds familiar from a movie I've already seen but I can't seem to recall it right.

Let me see. If I were 17 again, then I would be in college. What would I do? I've always thought about taking a second bachelor degree and becoming a freshmen student again. That would totally be a new college life because everyone would be like, new to the school, and I would be comfortable and know a lot of stuff going on. I've always imagined going on the same classes and being able to go through it smoothly because I've already taking it up.

Seventeen.

At 17 I was in freshmen college. And when I was in freshmen, I ran for student council and I lost. I joined a political party so early and became an active member which meant that you would most probably automatically earn yourself instant rivals. That would mean whoever is the member of the other political party in my school. But there were also advantages of being part of the political party because there were like certain sisterhood or brotherhood. Even if you don't like the person but you are in the same political party, you still end up as allies.

But seriously, if I was 17 again, I think I know how I would handle it and become less of a war-freak. I would have practice early the difference between being professional and being personal. I would have probably gained more friends who are members of the other political party. And maybe, if I was 17 again, I would know how to win that student council election.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have much regrets. I love my college life and how it all went. Good or bad, every experience was worth it. The movie just started to make me wonder...

"Yeah, if I was 17 again in this present time, what would I do?"

I would bring an Ipad to school instead of my laptop. That would be so cool.

72. Movie Marathon #2 Diary of a Wimpy Kid

2010-08-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I discovered the book "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" from my boyfriend's little brother. He bought it from his school fair and it was a pretty interesting book. What I didn't know that it is a popular book nowadays. I had a friend who has the different volumes and I even saw my former students reading it. Few weeks later, the movie came out. I was like.... "I know this Wimpy Kid...". So it WAS that popular that they already made a movie about it! Is it just me? or am I really behind the trend? lol

So this movie, Diary of A Wimpy Kid is all about his life during middle school. Just like as I mentioned in my Toy Story 3 review, I did not grow up here so I didn't go through middle school. It was 7 years of elementary and 4 years of high school. Nothing in the middle.

My first thought about this movie. Man, this is ONE movie I won't let my kid watch before he actually reaches middle school. I don't know what middle school is really like, if it was exactly like what the movie is showing, (i.e. social groups in school) but I don't want my kid to watch this because I don't want him to start having weird imaginations on his head about middle school.

But I sort of agree that the first day of your school might determine how the rest of your year will be. I remember my first day of high school. It was a different school than my elementary school. I didn't want to start on by giving a bad impression to anyone. I had to step out of my comfort zone and be friendly for a change. I would like to describe myself as anti-social when I was in elementary and I had a few friends. Basically my friends would be my seatmates and my busmates. The year after if I had new classmates, then I would have new friends and forget the old ones. I didn't do it intentionally though, it was just because we had different schedules so it was more likely a relationship based on proximity. The people who you are with most of your time.

So when I transferred into a new school, I knew I had to change. As a new student, I didn't afford to choose friends of course, they were the ones to choose who would be their new recruit. It took until my junior year to really find a social group that fit me well. High school also had social classes, but it was really up to you how you would handle it. But eventually those borders that divided everyone and secluded each to their own group, diminished. When college came, it didn't matter anymore whether who's group of friends you were with in high school as long as you guys went to the same school. It was mostly now a judge of your own character, not really on which social group you used to hang out with back in high school.

Anyway, the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie reminds me of
Bowling For Soup's song "High School Never Ends".

4 Years you think for sure

That's all you've got to endure

All the (total dicks)

All the Stuck-up Chicks

So superficial, so immature

Then When you graduate,

Ya take a look around and you say "Hey Wait!"

This is the same as where I just came from,

I thought it was over, Aw that's just great.

The Whole Damn World is just as obsessed

With who‘s the best dressed and (who's having sex)

Who‘s got the money. Who (gets the honeys)

Who‘s kinda cute and who‘s just a mess

And you still don't have the right look

And you don't have the right friends

Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends

High School Never Ends

Check out the popular kids

You'll never guess what Jessica did!

And how did Mary Kate (lose all that weight?)

And (Katie had a baby so I guess Tom's straight!)

And the only thing that matters,

Is climbing up that social ladder

Still care about your hair and the car you drive

Doesn't matter if you're 16 or 35

Reese Witherspoon, she's the Prom Queen

Bill Gates, Captain of the chess team

Jack Black, the clown

Brad Pitt, the quarterback

Seen it all before

I want my money back!

Now that song is a totally different story.

Wimpy Kid, Mean Girls, High School Musical... All about school social class... What were you in school?
If the outside world is a big school... which social group do you think you would belong NOW?

71. Movie Marathon #1 Toy Story

2010-08-23T17:46:00.001-07:00

I can't believe my boyfriend just told me now about this discovery he had (months ago).

He told me "you didn't ask me" ... But how would I ask if I didn't even know he knew! UGh. He could have at least shared it to me. ....*mumble*

WATCHING MOVIES ONLINE FOR FREE

I found this out when he said "I watched 3 movies at work today".
I was like "online"?
I'm like "WHAT'S THE WEB ADDRESS!!! TELL ME!!!!" (lol)

The first movie I was so eager to watch was:

Toy Story 3

I'm SUCH a loser and so lame that I haven't watched this movie. I think I'm the last person to have NOT watched it! My friends in facebook were all posting stuff and reviews about this and I feel so left out.
Hey, I'm the Disney fan here!!

Anyway, finally I get to have my own review. My friends DID make me look stupid!!!!(lol) They were like "I cried when Woody died :'(". Since I haven't watched it, all I could think about was 'Thanks for being a spoiler'. But how can Woody ever die?! He's the star Toy of the show! But it might be true.... since people seem to say he did. And it's official, I'm so gullible. Lol.

SPOILER ALERT: Woody did not die!

But I did cry.. just like everyone else said. I cried because of the Movie Theme, of moving on and letting go. I can't believe Andy donated his toys.... But it is a good decision too because now his toys get to be played with. I also felt the sadness when Andy's mom got emotional because he was going to college. I don't think I want to experience my child moving out for college. I guess it is the trend here in the states. (I wish I grew up here so I could have moved out! lol) ... But if I'm the parent, it would be so hard for me. Not because I'm going to be an over-protective mom but because now that I am experiencing a Long Distance Relationship with my boyfriend, I don't want to experience it ever again in the future. Being away with my hubby or with my child for a very long time, is now my new fear. I'm traumatized by experiencing long distance relationship with my soul mate.

That scene of Andy and his mom, reminded me of the day that my boyfriend was leaving the Philippines for the United States. My boyfriend's mom was just in their room and his dad went outside and said "go to your room and talk to your mom". His mom was crying. That was so sad. I can't imagine experiencing it.

Anyway going back to Toy Story 3, Disney movies just amaze me so much. Their animated movies do not just target young audience but they are for everyone. Just as in the Movie: UP, Toy Story 3 teaches us a lesson about our relationship between our sentimental things. It is nice to put value on to little things that we have. It is nice to have something remind us of our fondest memories. But there would always come certain circumstances that we have to learn to let go of these things because it is the better choice. Things that remind us of our best memories are wonderful but we should also remember that these memories are also kept forever in our head. So it doesn't matter if we don't have pictures or items to remind us of someone. We shouldn't fuss all over about it. What does matter is that we don't learn how to forget.

I should speak for myself because I am a very sentimental person. Heck, for my whole stay here in San Jose I've kept all the receipts from the purchases that me and my boyfriend had every time we went out. Is that silly? lol ...

Bottom line. I am sad that this might be the last Toy Story sequel. They had ended it. But it was a good end.

*tears* I love you Woody.

reach for the stars....

70. santana row

2010-08-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Today, is another day at Santana Row. Just like the last time I was here in San Jose, my boyfriend's aunt took me out for another date again. But this time, it was less shopping and more picture taking!! :)

Outdoor lunch.

The perfect ambiance...

Guacamole & Virgin Mojito

I like cocktail drinks, but it was too early for alcohol. So we ordered Virgin Mango Mojito. I've always ordered Mojito drinks in bars before, but I really couldn't taste it well because it basically just tastes like vodka with a little flavor. Now that I ordered a virgin drink (it means same recipe without the alcohol), I can finally taste what real Mojito tastes like.

It tastes like some sour juice with carbonated soda. *hihi* Even though it's Mango, it tastes like uhm... lime soda? .... My boyfriend's Aunt didn't like it. I did somehow. I like sour things.

On a side note, the guacamole was great :) ... Yum yum.

After lunch we took a stroll down Santana Row and took lots of pictures. But mostly we used my boyfriend's aunt's SLR, so the pictures would look more professional. Sadly she hasn't emailed it to me yet.. hihi

We wanted to take pictures with the gigantic chess set but the kids were playing it. So... darn it.

I had a wonderful day with my boyfriend's aunt today, just like the last time we were here. Can't wait to move to San Francisco and we will have more dates together, frequently. Yippee!!!

69. a perfect day at the boardwalk santa cruz

2010-08-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

I finally have the guts, mood, or energy to make this post. I've been putting it off for a long time already. (present date: August 31, 2010. date of blog: August 21, 2010.) I don't think I'm really in the mood for it but I am forcing myself to get it over with.

It's like I'm having a writer's block. How do I start blogging about my boyfriend and I's perfect and only date when I went back to Northern California last week. Oh sorry, rule #1.. all dates are final. So let me rephrase that, this was his only day off from work, thus we had a whole day together! This was actually what I was really looking forward for when I decided to book back to San Francisco. The money flying here was worth it.

We spent the whole day at the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz.

It was saturday, so there were a lot of people at the boardwalk today.

A lot of people at the beach side too :)

My souvenier.

My remembrance.

This day was just perfect..

Well. I couldn't really say that we spent the whole day walking along the boardwalk. That would be exhausting. We had to rent a room near it. Oh well, yes we just had to of course. The reasons behind it well, let me just say we needed some privacy. Heck, I'm sorry but long distance relationship isn't that easy when you need to satisfy your sexual urges. Just imagine the sacrifice of being apart right?

We had the whole afternoon and the whole room just for ourselves and we fvcked each other like I couldn't get enough of it. I wouldn't let him rest, even for awhile. We even had it on video on my cell phone. We had sex like it was our first and last time. Sad to say, it was our last time... until we meet again I guess, which was going to be probably next year. (noooooooo!!!)

My plan was really to stay for one more week, and hopefully next saturaday we'd have our whole day together again and get more hard core sex. Unfortunately...because I already had a hard time staying at my uncle's place because of the new born baby, I had to rebook earlier than my original departure.

You would probably think why can't I just stay at my boyfriend's apartment. Well, he's staying at his grandparent's place and since it was a secret that I was in town, of course I couldn't stay there.

Later that night, after our perfect date... I booked my flight to go home to L.A. on Tuesday.

Even though I haven't met with some of my friends here in the north, going back to L.A. sooner didn't make me feel bad... aside from because I only had to pay $16 for the itinerary changes... but because today was so perfect and I wanted to mark our last memories together just as it is. Perfect.

Not fighting... unlike the last time when we separated.

Today was so perfect that I felt that it was already enough memories which will be good until we see each other again next year. That's why re-booking for an earlier flight wasn't really much against my will. The day was so perfect, that I will leave San Francisco happy and contented. Besides, I have a sex video on my phone and I will just take a look at it every time I get lonely.(hihi)

We had to learn to be contented right?... we shouldn't push it.
With all these unfortunate circumstances whenever we try to be together, the universe right now says, that we have to be apart. FUCK THE UNIVERSE!

Our time will come when we will be back together again.

And get some hard core banging :)

*ergo this is my 69th post*

68. anger management

2010-08-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

Four symptoms you can't ignore:

Anger is something that we all deal with from time to time. Unfortunately, some people have more problems dealing with anger, than others. Here are 4 anger problem symptoms you can use to identify whether you might have an anger problem.

You Get Angry Often

If you get angry frequently, there's a good chance you may have some issues related to anger that need to be dealt with. When this happens one of the best things to do is give yourself time away from the things that are making you angry.

You're Always Defensive

Are you always getting defensive about something? Things like your work, your looks, your weight, how you talk, or anything else? Getting defensive and angry over things that make you defensive, is a sign you should evaluate things before reading too much into them. Otherwise, you'll find yourself getting angry over things that probably were taken out of context.

Any Little Thing Gets You Mad

Do the smallest things set you off? You know things like: getting stuck in traffic, your morning coffee is cold, or you get ketchup on your new shirt. There are worse things in life than spilling something on your shirt... although it can be annoying, it really doesn't justify the amount of anger, or attention, that it gets.

You Get Aggressive

Becoming aggressive when you're angry is one of the worst things you can do. It can be a marker of just how "out of control" your anger is. If you get aggressive when you get angry, even for small things, then you're endangering not only yourself, but those around you.

Recognizing anger problem symptoms is the first step in taking charge of your anger, before it begins damaging your life.

click here for the source of this article.

I finally got aware that I had a psychological problem when I was already hurting the people that I love. Well... he's just one. I meant, I'm just hurting one person. And that is my boyfriend.

Ever since I went here to the states... there had been a lot of instances already and could be something like we were already breaking up. This anger management problem used to concern for him only. But now, I know that I'm the one who has a problem controlling my anger. And I really do stupid things and say stupid things that make things worst. I feel that I'm hurt that's why I'm angry, but then I know in the end I'm really hurting my boyfriend too. I know he really doesn't want to break up with me because when there are times that I say that I give up and I don't want to suffer any longer. He insists on making me promise to do something to make our relationship better. Even though when I say "No, I can't do it anymore. I give up. There's no point already. It's my fault. Let's stop this". He doesn't listen or agree with me. But instead he insists on telling me on what I shouldn't do next time.

Even if... I do the same mistakes again and again....

Even if... I make the mistake a few minutes after he just told me not to do it.

He will just again (and again), remind me that he has been telling me not to shout and to control my emotions.

What the fuck is wrong with me????? Is this the effect of the situations that's happening to me??? I am so not like this! and I'm supposed to be a teacher! I should have the longest patience.

I guess being a psychology major, I need to research on this myself. The least I could do before I end up hurting my boyfriend even more.

67. you've got your family and they need you there

2010-08-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Friday night was supposed to be our night.

I expected we were going to do something fun all night long since he didn't have work the next day.

But as usual, all my expectations recently isn't really what I've been getting.

Friday night, he again had this family affair. Apparently a surprise birthday party for his Aunt.

Sadness and whatever.. I spent the whole day at home in the computer again.

But tomorrow he promises that we will be spending the whole day together.

A few stolen moments is all that we share
You've got your family, and they need you there
Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list
But no other man's gonna do
So I'm saving all my love for you

It's not very easy, living all alone
My friends try and tell me, find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue
So I'm saving all my love for you

You used to tell me we'd run away together
Love gives you the right to be free
You said be patient, just wait a little longer
But that's just an old fantasy

Saving All My Love For You Lyrics
Artist: Whitney Houston

This is one of my favorite songs in the Karaoke.
I just started to feel that it's a perfect song to dedicate it to my boyfriend =)

stolen moments.

such exact words to describe it.

66. G.I. Joe & Denny's

2010-08-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today was my boyfriend's officemate's day off. (didja get that? :))

Well, basically... I asked him if he could pick me up and drive me to this mall because I wanted to get these G.I. Joe dolls that my cousins also got for only $10. I had to get them soon because they were collectibles and they don't make them anymore. And they are just for $10!!!!

They are second hand but they are expensive if sold on E-Bay. I'm not going to sell them for higher price though... It's for my nephew because he's been wanting to have G.I. Joe dolls since last year when my dad went to the states.

When my dad went back home in Manila and didn't get G.I. Joe dolls for my nephew...

my 7 yr old nephew was like "OH NO!!!! Grandpa forgot!!!!"

my mom: "forgot what?"

nephew: "my G.I. Joe dolls!!"

Dad said, 'he couldn't find any' ...

really? ... how hard is that to find G.I. Joe dolls? or you just didn't look.. didn't you daddy?

classic dolls

Well, these dolls I got are really hard to find.. because they are vintage. The old G.I. Joe. The classic.

new version

But I bet you can buy any G.I. Joe dolls at any toy store, like these ones I saw from downtown L.A.

I didn't get these new versions... aside from the fact that I knew my nephew was going to the states too, I thought that it really didn't look like a G.I. Joe doll to me. Even though the box says so. They did cost $20 each and had a button which makes them "talk" ... I just thought I shouldn't buy it first because the battery might not last that long. (And they look ridiculous for a G.I. Joe doll)

That's the new version. I'm happy with my purchase. They didn't talk. But they do look like G.I. Joe troops. PLUS they are "collectibles". Yeah my nephew won't understand what collectibles are...
but at least I feel like I got a good deal.

What am I saying? I paid my credit card for it. So technically my dad paid for the G.I. Joe dolls..

Either way.. it IS a good deal :)

What's much better is my nephew's going to love me for it! HAHA

So anyway later that afternoon, my friend (my boyfriend's officemate that is) went back to San Francisco. I came with him too so I could be with my boyfriend right after he gets off from work. Yippie

We didn't have any plans... but I knew I couldn't go home late because I didn't want to bother my relatives and the baby. My boyfriend wanted to bring me to Twin Peaks. I was just sitting and thinking of a way where I can probably stay in San Francisco.

I suddenly tried calling the old house I first stayed at when I was still with my evil half aunt (my dad's older half sister). The owner of the house said that yes, I can stay at their house for a few days. This house was less than 5 minutes away from my boyfriend. We both got excited that we didn't bother going to Twin Peaks anymore (we were lost anyway). We drove back to San Jose, I packed my stuff and went back to San Francisco to treat my boyfriend dinner.

We ate at:

Suddenly when we were just about to order... I got a text from my dad in the Philippines. He found out that I was planning to transfer and he said not to leave my uncles house in San Jose! ... I got so fucked up and pissed!!!!!!!! He is such over-protective! He's doing it again! He just ruined my entire night! and I didn't even got to eat my dinner! Good thing I charged it to the credit card that HE was paying.

(My daddy issues are complicated, I know that I'm in the other side of the world now and you might say I can do absolutely anything without him knowing.. but I'd rather not explain because this is not a daddy blog... this is a blog about my boyfriend and I going through Long Distance Relationship.. lol)

My boyfriend also got pissed because he said he didn't want to drive me back to San Jose (again). But he had no choice. And I he knew his grandmother was going to check on him anytime. I told him that he also got excited for the moment (about me moving to the friend of my aunt's). So it is both for us to blame.

I told him, that he shouldn't be feeling to hassled because he will only feel like this while I'm here. And I'm not going to stay any longer. So he should just suck it up and cherish the moment that I'm here. Because when I leave... yes gone are his problems of sneaking under the noses of his relatives, but gone am I too.

He goes "*sigh*... we just talked about this earlier... why can't we be contented? I just told ourselves that we should be contented with what we have right now... we are already lucky enough that we are able to see each other for a few moments... we should never push it.... we should learn to accept that we need to be contented with what we can have for now...."

That was it. That triggered me. I shouldn't push it anymore. The situation right now isn't easy. I know I want to be with my boyfriend 24 hours 7 days a week like what we had when we were in Manila. But we are in California. This is not the Philippines anymore and we are in the United States. Things have changed. And we have to wait for our own time to be legally back in each other arms again without hiding or lying to anybody about our relationship.

Lesson learned: Never push it.

In life and in love, we are required to fight for it... but it has limits.

We also have to wait. For the right time.

Like in war... winning a fight requires patience and the right timing....

I've given up. For now.

All I want to do is go back to L.A. and

Accept the fact that I'm never going to see my boyfriend for another 6 months or more.

Appreciate that after he left the Philippines in February...
I thought I wouldn't be able to see him in two years.....
but I am lucky that I am able to be with him twice. (June & August).

65. starting the morning right. and end it well

2010-08-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

For the first time in how many days... I've felt that my boyfriend and I just had a perfect day with out any major fights. Thanks to my reactions, it's beginning to calm down again. Whenever my boyfriend starts getting stressed (mostly because of me), I ask him specifically WHY instead of making it worst by insisting my point.

A lovely morning.

My boyfriend and I decided to sleep the night together.

No worries of coming home late and disturbing my relatives or making any grand entrances that would channel the attention from the new born baby to me. And no complaints that we wasted our money since we were able to maximize the room anyway.

Lol... contradictory with the picture... Nothing's wrong.

My boyfriend drove me back to my uncle's house at 6:00am and, within 30 minutes I already heard that someone was awake. Though I was outside the house for 30minutes, it was okay because I expected to stay out hours longer.

When my boyfriend arrived at work, everything also went well because he was not late at all.

Well that's good news, because then he wont end up regretting that he should have went home back to SF last night, instead of staying in San Jose which was almost an hour going to his office.

The rest of the day was heaven...because I was with my honey again. Even for just one night.

Back in the days... (in the Philippines) ... my boyfriend and I had a lot of chances of being together throughout the night and in the morning. My friends had even thought that I have moved out.

Now, it's like I have to steal a moment just to have a few hours with my boyfriend. Why me... is this the consequence for almost having the perfect love life since the day that we met? I thought that meeting my boyfriend was a prize. I thought it was a reward that I get for waiting so long for a man in my life. I thought he was given to me because I already finished my school and I was already working.

Did I abuse it? Did I become so irresponsible with my life that I have to experience this?

or maybe... this is just the test. To see if this is the guy that's for me. After everything being so perfect and going smoothly along the way, we have to double check. If it is a test, I hope it doesn't take long to end. I don't know how much strength I still have to survive it while keeping my sanity.

64. the great mall

2010-08-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

This morning my new girl friend left for North Carolina already. She lives there.
I woke up when my uncle was about to drive her to the airport already.

I said my goodbye and went back to sleep and I actually felt sad.

Even for a few days of getting to know her,
I felt the same feeling that I feel when my boyfriend leaves.

I felt so alone again.

I miss you girl, you left your bracelet and make up kit here.

We'll chat soon and keep in touch.

On the other hand, my boyfriend was going to visit me today.

As usual, we had to fight.

I told him I wanted to go to a place to go walk around. He told me he was planning on getting a room for us. I told him but it would just be a waste of money since we're not going to sleep overnight there since he has work the next day. I told him that would be better on a Friday. And we were just arguing because I lost my temper again.

I told him I'll just go back home because the day was already ruined. I was going to get out of the car already when he said he'll get even more angry if I did. So in the end he brought me to the great mall. Ugh... well it wasn't the place that I wanted to go to but, what the heck right.... We walked around the mall and I felt bad for him because he wanted so many stuff for himself but he just couldn't buy it. He's been paying a lot of bills so much that only little money for his desires is left.

We ended up buying Old Navy jeans wherein I paid for his :)

We went A&F, I ended up buying shorts but I don't know why he didn't get any.

After that I really didn't feel like going around because I don't want to shop anyway. I told him I just wanted to walk around and treat him to eat. We were at this shoe store, and of course I knew I'd end up wasting our whole time if I try to look for a pair that I'd like to buy. He was just sitting somewhere not beside me. Argh.. So I thought that I'd just do the shopping when I'm with somebody else. I need to do some quality time with my boyfriend since we only have a few hours together.

I ended up telling him, fine lets find a place to check in a room.

When we finally found a nice place (waste of money too), guess what? We were still arguing about stuff. HAHA. There was just so many things to think about. The money. The time. I wasn't just so comfortable because I need to go home in an hour already. I wanted to go home early because I didn't want to bother my relatives because there's a new baby and I don't want to go home when everyone's asleep.

Finally, we decided to sleep in for the night. At least we didn't waste money and we were able to spend more time with each other. Even though he literally just slept in on me because he had work tomorrow. Ugh... I wanted to be so pissed. I just got disappointed of course. But I had to give in and cherish the moment. I hugged him tight like a pillow. Laid my head on his chest, and forced myself to fall asleep.

A few stolen moments.

I just had to be contented...
that's the most we could already get from now....
things were different.

I remembered back in Manila, I would sleep over at their place for a whole week or more. We literally spent the whole day and every day together and every night we were sleeping beside each other. I would not go home unless I was just getting new clean clothes. Sometimes we even fight because I was already getting home sick and he doesn't want to bring me home. He even once pretended that he sprained himself from basketball so he couldn't drive, just to not bring me home.

I miss my silly boyfriend with all his silly excuses.

Now everything is just ridiculously silly.

He's so serious, so pressured and couldn't really make decisions solely by himself. He keeps telling me, "it's for our future you just have to wait and we just have to make a few sacrifices."

oh crap... why me... I already spent my whole life being heartbroken, lonely and loveless. Now that I found love, I still have to work for it? ... What is really this happy ending? .... When does it really "END"?

63. the best thing that i got from the trip

2010-08-16T07:31:00.000-07:00

My uncle's relatives went to the Red Wood Forest today. It sounds like a land mark but I didn't go with them. Partly because they're not really my relatives so I'm not entirely comfortable if they spend money on me (aside from the fact that going into a forest didn't really interest me that much). The other reason why I didn't go with them because my uncle's girl cousin decided to stay at home too.

This girl was my uncle's cousin from the other side of the family. Thus I'm not really related to her, but she is twenty two years old!! Which was REALLY awesome and most of the time, among everyone else we were talking to each other. She also traveled alone so even though she had her relatives with her, it made me a little comfortable since it means that I'm not the only one without parents to finance ourselves.

So the whole day, this twenty two year old girl and I spend our entire day in the house together. She was also the one who helped me plan the "surprise" for my boyfriend which was fail. I'm never gonna give my boyfriend a surprise again, he always spoils it.

I remember last Friday when I arrived I was sort of alone sitting on the floor when this girl started talking to me "Hi! I'm ________, nice to meet you" ... I was startled. But I was also relieved that she did that. Because it started a beautiful friendship. She was really nice and friendly despite the other adults telling me that she grew up to be a spoiled prima donna. I don't care. We're alike! lol

Me: "Do you know about the quarter life crisis?"

Her: "OMG, I'm totally having that right now"

Me: "OMG That's what I thought! Cause we're both 20 something!"

She asked me if my boyfriend was going to come visit me tonight. He was working until 9pm today. So, No, he wasn't going to visit tonight. But it was okay because she and I just spent the night talking about all random stuff again.

We stayed up all night.

62. anger management problem

2010-08-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

I have a big problem with managing my anger recently. I get so pissed easily that I shout and throw adult tantrums. It all triggers every time I get disappointments. I get damaged so hard that I throw a fist at my boyfriend.

So today was my cousin's christening. Everything was great! It was so emotional and the reception was fun. We ate at an Italian restaurant and the owner sang to his costumers and made them lively. Romance was truly in the air as if we were in Europe.

So when we were going back home from the restaurant. My boyfriend had said that he was going to my uncle's house already to drop the package I was telling him to do. I told him to wait for my cousins to give it personally to her. But my boyfriend is just so STUBBORN!!!! We were already a corner near from the house when he texted that he just left the package on the doorstep and left.

It just ruined everything about the surprise.

I called him and he started spoiling and asking where am I really anyway?

I told him to come back.

He had this excuse that he needed to give the house key to his grandmother.

But he did come back but all the while I was waiting, I was just so pissed at him.

Because he's always like that! He so stubborn!
He told me he was going to wait for my cousins and he didn't!

So when he came back. I was so angry... then I slapped him. I walked out.

But of course he called me back, then I went inside the car, we had a talk. And he said he just needs to go back to San Francisco. I told him to bring me with him. He insisted not to. I threw a fist! He's just so stupid! He wanted to drive from San Jose to San Francisco then drive back San Jose again. He's so stubborn AND stupid! I just lost my patience.

So fine, I stayed with my relatives and waited for my boyfriend to come back.

When he did, I forced him to go inside and meet everyone which I know that he doesn't want to do because he has a problem with meeting strangers nor mingling with them.

Later on I said, I'll just go get my stuff at the hotel then I'll sleep at my uncle's house tonight. So we did.
While I was packing my stuff, he did not want to go inside the room anymore. I was so paranoid that I might leave anything behind so I had to double check every thing. I first let my luggage outside the door for him to get. Then I went back inside. When I went outside already. HE WAS EFFIN GONE!. He went to the car already! I was so pissed again of course! and he didn't even bother getting my luggage! His excuse was people might think he was a thief! I got so mad at him in the car again! I told him he wasn't a gentleman! He just had to wait!!! He was stubborn, stupid AND IMPATIENT!

So the rest of the night we were just arguing. I told him I shouldn't have went here.

I know it always grew worst because of my reactions. I knew I had anger management problems. But
ARGH!!! HE'S JUST SO!!! ARGH!!!! Fail!

We ended the night, getting peace. So I went inside to go to sleep already... When later on... he started calling and panicking that he doesn't have gas anymore and he wouldn't be able to go back to San Francisco enough with it! The warning light was already on! The problem is that he only has cash. None of the gasoline stations had open cashiers anymore. So he called me because I had my credit cards, but when we reached the gasoline station, turns out that if I used international cards, I have to call the "attendant" BUT there are NO attendants ANYMORE!

He was just so pissed and blaming that he should have left earlier and whatever. I said that he's so stupid for driving without gas on his car. So he just wandered off wasting even MORE gas trying to look for stations that are open. I said to stop and think for a plan first! I told him because he made stupid decisions when under pressure. I told him that I would ask my cousin to borrow her card. He didn't want to because he was embarrassed. I told him fuck his pride. But he eventually gave in because I saw that we were headed back to my uncle's house.

My uncle ended up letting me borrow his card and then we paid cash in exchange. My boyfriend was calm now and I had the chance to tell him that it was his fault because he insisted on driving back and forth SF and SJ. And that he is stupid for not putting gas. He thinks he could escape filling gasoline in his car but it's just something you cannot run away from! I told him that this is not manila where you can just drive around the roads with a gasoline warning lighting up.

The day ended my boyfriend being nice and shameful to me. And I continued to roll my eyes. I told him that if he couldn't make it up to me, the least he could do is make it up for my relatives. It's not only him who's embarrassed but ME! I'm just sleeping in their house for a favor, the least I want to do is bother them.

My fault. Is my anger management. But I don't think you could blame me for being ANGRY. But I know, I know.... blame me that I cannot control my anger. I start doing and saying something stupid that I would regret later. I realized that if I'm ever going to say something. I should just write it on paper or on my cellphone and keep it to myself. That way my boyfriend would end up getting all the faults on himself. He's being stupid and stubborn without me doing anything worst.

Because when it does get any worst, it always end up that everything was my mistake.

61. back to the fisherman's wharf & somethin' else

2010-08-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

I went to the fisherman's wharf today and it brought back a lot of memories. Well, maybe just one memory.

But this time I was with my relatives, well, maybe relatives of my relatives. =)

Then we ate at this restaurant that specialized in Sour dough. I personally didn't like the sour dough... but I did appreciate the artsy bread shapes.

crocodile

lizard?

turtle

fish

lobster

We walked for minutes to hours along downtown. We really didn't stop for shops or were we able to look around that much because there were like 19 of us. Our destination?

Ghirardelli Square.

Up there... ugh.... seriously???? What did some of us get? Coffee. Seriously? lol .... What a hike!
It's not even like, cheaper than other stores or something... it's just BIG. and CROWDED.

I thought of buying some chocolates, well in exchanged for all the walk and hike. But I thought, what would I do with 80pcs of Ghirardelli? Just because it looks cheap (being the factory and all). I want to take it home back to L.A. for my family, but heck? That' not until 4 weeks. I'm just going to waste my money because I don't feel like eating it. Hmmmm I'm beginning to be a smart shopper! lol

So anyway, tomorrow is the day of my new born cousin's christening. Tomorrow is also the day that my boyfriend is going back to San Francisco, from Lake Tahoe. I'm not yet sure though, if tomorrow is also the day that he finds out that I'm around... and if tomorrow is the day that we see each other. I was supposed to plan it on Monday. But then, I realized I'd rather want him to see me today because I'm wearing the dress from the christening. lol.

*excited*

60. Hello, Northern California!

2010-08-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

Hello Northern California, we meet again!

Hi Guys, so if you've read my previous post before this... it was sort of well, kind of a confusing encounter. But what I didn't tell you guys, is that I already had a plan. And that was to continue with my trip.

this is my FIRST domestic flight ALONE

ooh there goes my plane!

I asked my uncle from San Jose, to pick me up all the way from San Francisco (Thank God for relatives!).

So what I didn't tell you yesterday, was that I had a secret plan. I took advantage of my boyfriend's unexpected absence and out of town trip. First, the fact that he would owe me BIG time. Second, the fact that everyone who knew that I was going to SFO, now know that I canceled on my flight (a perfect opportunity to sneak behind everyone else and to avoid leakage to those people whom I don't want to know about my arrival) and making my boyfriend feel REALLY REALLY BAD about canceling my trip. He said to rebook it for next week, and I the drama princess would say "no", "never", "I'm really mad" and that "I'm so pissed I don't ever want to go there again". Oh he's really in for it this time. He would owe me something really big for bailing out on me. Lastly, third advantage is that I still went through with my plan WITHOUT LETTING my boyfriend know about it.

So yep! I'm in San Jose, and all these times he thinks that I'm still in Los Angeles stuck in my bed, depressed and refusing to eat anything.

I'm going to give him a big surprise when he comes back from Lake Tahoe, Nevada.

:) As for what kind of surprise and how??

I'm not really definite about it yet but I am sure that he has no clue that I'm here in the city.
That for a fact is a surprise there alright. I sooo can't wait for him to find out.
But not until he comes back.

Wish me luck that I am able to pull out a good one!